My Top 10 TV Moments of the Year: 2008

OK, so tis the season for Top 10 lists, and now I'm doing my first one ever. These are not necessarily the best, just my favorites, so here we go:

10. Perfection, always - Dancing With The Stars: Kristi Yamagucci's Win

Yes, I'm starting my list with my top guilty pleasure, that I don't really feel that guilty about. DWTS has had some kick ass champions in the past. Drew Lachey, Emmit Smith, Apollo Anton Ohno, but no one ever dominated like Kristi and Mark did. They got a 28 on the first week out, achieved a 30 earlier than anyone in the competition ever (For an amazing jive that would have and did made the Hough siblings jealous.) Of course they didn't have the stiffest competition. Jason Taylor was closest, and he couldn't touch them. Christian De La Fuente was good and loveable but again, Kristi and Mark just dominated. They had a perfect 30, 30, 30 and the fans behind them. It was nice to see a woman win for once...of course it repeated with Brooke Burke, and I keep meaning to check out the new cast, or see if its posted, but I seriously doubt anyone will ever beat Kristi's pure domination, it just won't happen.

9. "I can see Russia from my house" - Saturday Night Live: The Vice Presidential Debate.

I would be the world's worst TV writer if I overlooked the best political impression SNL's had since Will Ferrell's W. And no, I'm not talking about Tina Fey's Sarah Palin (Although it is amazing) I mean Jason Sedakis's Joe Biden. He even got the crazy eyes. And his declaration about the great city of Scranton, that "No one but me has ever come out of that hell hole!" had me laughing harder than I've ever laughed. And it would be just plain pop culture ignorant to overlook the fantastic impression of Governor Palin that Ms. Fey did. I'm still quoting it, "I'm going to ignore that question and talk about Israel...I'm not saying this to pander to Florida voters, since I was a little girl my two biggest loves were Israel and Cuban food!" It might have been the funniest speech ever done on SNL. I'm grateful for SNL's resurgence and Tina Fey's acceptance by the mainstream, it's been about seven years since I decided I wanted to be her. As my friend Katie put it, "It's a little strange. Everything that Tina Fey has accomplished, the first female head writer of SNL, the Mean Girls screenplay, all those Emmys for 30 Rock, what she gets mainstream recognition for is looking like some other lady."

8. "I want to call my mom!" - Entourage: Tree Trippers

This might be my new favorite episode of Entourage, replacing "One Day in The Valley," or "The Sundance Kids," which were always battling for first in the past. Anytime you take the boys out of LA or their natural habitat is always interesting. This episode, where they decide to take shrooms to make Vince's next career decision is a tour de force of their bonding pattern. Ari runs off on his own and spends the episode on the phone with Lloyd, trying to find his way back to the boys. Arnold, the boys lovable pitbull runs away from the group and the other four search after him. E loses the ability to speak, and Turtle realizes his own uselessness, and begins to beg for his mother. My favorite element of this whole season was the switch of focus from Drama to Turtle. I've always found Turtle endearing and wonderfully sweet and I was happy to see more of his stories told. And happy to see him made romantically fulfilled with Jamie Lynn Sigler.

7. "Same Sideburns, Same Commitment Issues." - 90210: The Bubble

I don't think anyone who's read this blog since September can possibly argue how excited I was when we found out the Dylan was the father of Kelly's son on 90210. Granted I was hoping for Brandon, but it really was an exciting little bit of taste of future plot lines. First of all, I'm still praying for Terminator's cancellation, so that we can get some David in, but honestly, the door is open for Dylan now, come on in Luke. We know you want to. Granted, it was after this that we got that positively classic 90210 moment, Brenda deletes Dylan from her cell phone, to save her friendship with Kelly...*sob* Dylan McKay, Brenda Walsh, soul mates no longer. OK, maybe they were never soul mates, I guess it was established in that episode where Dylan saw his past life and he and Kelly were married in the wild west and Brandon was like the sheriff or something that he and Kelly were soul mates. Whatever, those episodes right before Dylan left were pretty god awful. Let's hope when they bring him back stronger than they did when he came back for the last season of the original, personally I'm thinking Dylan and Brandon smackdown. Then Steve can say something obnoxious. It'll be great.

6. "I have stretch marks, I have a butt, that's who I am!" - America's Next Top Model: Cycle 10 Finale

God Bless Tyra Banks and all she's doing for women in America...that was sarcasm. But for real, Whitney, the first ever plus size model to with ANTM was a cool choice. Granted, Paulina Poriscova clearly hated her, and maybe she was a little more pageant queen than model (My sister would kill me if I didn't disclaim that), but seeing a girl with actual curves, who's an admitted size 14 win this competition which is normally dominated by stick figures and anorexic ghetto girls was really cool.

5. "Her parents have a pool." How I Met Your Mother - Sandcastles in the Sand

This episode is one of the best examples of what makes How I Met Your Mother great. Combining the oddball out there humor, and real friendship heart. Sandcastles in The Sand brings back Robin Scherbotsky's early nineties teenage alter-ego "Robin Sparkles" the Canadian pop sensation who created the hit "Let's go to the mall." "Sandcastles in The Sand" is Robin's other single, which never made the charts. It did however introduce her to Simon, a loser who she dated for the 2 1/2 weeks of Canadian summer. These things aren't what made the episode great, it was three things, 1. Simon was played by James Vanderbeek, who on his return to Robin's life had a receeding hairline and a beer gut. I always appreciate the Creek kids trying to get back in the game. 2. I forget what it was that got Barney upset, but in the end Robin ended up comforting him, which established my new favorite hopeless couple to root for, Barney and Robin. and 3. The actual "Sandcastles in The Sand" video and song which were both as awful as you would think they would be.

4. "I would eat Tangerine Chicken but I don't have Tangerine Chicken" - The Big Bang Theory: The Tangerine Factor

Just like Sandcastles is the best of How I Met Your Mother, the season finale of Big Bang was the perfect storm of this hilarious one note joke show. Adorably awkward Leonard finally made his move on sweet and sexy Penny. In the second season we learned that this didn't work. But it was nice anyway. The B plot line was Sheldon trying to get to the bottom of a mystery, was the chicken at their favorite chinese place tangerine chicken or orange chicken. Oh right and Wollowitz was being pervy looking for Penny's ex boyfriend's blog which detailed their sex life. Largely, brilliant.

3. "It's Not What I'd Have Done." - Heroes: Dual (Much thanks to my brother for helping me pick!)

Peter Petrelli has his powers back. Thank God for it! I'm not among the people who think that this season of Heroes has been horrible so far. I think it's a hell of a lot better than last season. But the pivotal, "We're Baaack," moment for me came when Peter injected himself with the newly perfected formula and got his powers back and flew himself and his brother Nathan out of a burning building. Nathan's response was that it wasn't what he would have done, and at last the Nathan/Peter dynamic was restored to what it always should have been. Nathan is a dick and Peter saves him anyway. Oh right, and we saw how Peter got his scar. Which is kick ass. Between that, Claire forgiving her dad and walking away from the "Petrelli lifestyle" and "killing" Sylar, she's well on her way to fulfilling her destiny, you know becoming a brunette. I can't wait to see what happens next which is part of the redemption. Heroes is on it's way back to what we loved, I promise it is. Oh right, and Milo with the scar...totes hotter than Milo without the scar. Meow!

2. Meeting Half Way - Weight Loss: The Office

The moment Office fans all waited for. Jim proposing to Pam in the most Jim and Pam way possible. They met at a gas station half way between Scranton and New York (For your information, no such place exists.) and he got on one knee in the rain. It was the squeal heard round the world. Jim and Pam's relationship is so wonderful, and sweet and pure, it's nice to see it come to this step. We'll see what happens after the holidays, but I think things will keep being good, don't you?

1. "This is me! And I love you!" - Gossip Girl: Oh Brother, where Bart Thou

Nothing, and I mean nothing captivated me this year like the Gossip Girl fall finale. Chuck's breakdown, the revelation of Lilly and Rufus's baby...and most importantly, as usual, my favorite part of anything Gossip Girl, Blair showing her humanity. Her sobbing begging confession of her feelings to Chuck and his subsequent rejection and then acceptance and then his running away...it's like everything amazing about the Blair and Chuck romance all wrapped up into one angsty perfect hour. I can barely contain my excitement for the coming return...it's only two weeks away, thank God!

So there you have it. Yes 2008 was hard. The economy collapsed, my presidential candidate lost, but there were good things too. Like Turtle finally got a girlfriend, The Heroes began to fulfill their destiny, a fat girl finally won ANTM, Barney and Robin hooked up and Blair and Chuck confessed their love. Perhaps that makes up for it. Maybe.

A Place Called Home

So this weekend I watched my favorite ever, A Christmas Carol: The Musical, you know with Kelsey Grammer as Scrooge. And one of my favorite elements of it is it exposed the world at large to Jesse Martin as musical theater GOD not just as hard boiled cop guy, but also Jennifer Love Hewitt is in it. I adore Jennifer Love Hewitt, I like she's fantastic. She's beautiful and talented enough for television (She tried the movie star thing, wasn't for her, she's a TV actor.) and I think she's a really good pop singer. So what happened to Jennifer Love Hewitt? I mean, one minute she's about to finally break through and the next she's doing The Ghost Whisperer...yeah, I know. Anyway, after giving it some thought, I realized what it was...

Anne Hathaway happened.

Anne Hathaway is a far more talented much prettier version of Jennifer Love Hewitt. So now, every time a producer gets a part that would suit them both, Jennifer Love Hewitt has to wait until Anne Hathaway says no. Also Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't show her tits, Anne Hathaway does. See where I'm going with this? Anyway, Anne Hathaway stole Jennifer Love Hewitt's career.

Personally I think the Wicked movie would be the perfect comeback vehicle for JLove. She could play Nessa, get a Golden Globe nod for best supporting in a Musical or Comedy and Matthew Fox says in an interview that he's proud of her, and poof, people are buying Party of Five DVDs, and watching I Know What You Did Last Summer on Surfthechannel, it'll be great. It'll be like the late 90s all over again. But better, with high speed internet, and a Wicked movie, and cell phones that fit in your pocket, so even better.

Oh right, and Anne Hathaway can go back to making makeover story movies. She's really good at them.

Points that made the new Muppet Christmas Special the best thing I've seen this Christmas

1. Mayor Bloomberg makes the first celebrity cameo as himself, telling Miss Piggy that New Yorkers are famous for their politeness. Those Muppets and their irony.
   
2. Jesse Martin as the cheeriest damn mailman ever. And singing of course. Only Jesse Martin could sing a song about mail with Muppets and still be sexy. Then again Jesse Martin could sing about his own toe nails and it would be sexy. He has one of the sexiest voices ever.
   
3. Jane Krakowski as the little girl from that movie where The Rock wore a tutu's mom. She really is quite the cutie. The little girl, not Jane Krakowski. Although it was nice to see Jane playing a character besides a self absorbed actress.
   
4. Sam Eagle reminding us all that opening someone else's mail is a federal offense. It was a funny little moment, and a great reminder of the things that make the Muppets great.
   
5. Mob movie parody. Pepe and Rizzo went to see if the mob guys could get the letters to Santa the gang was trying to get mailed, mailed. The two mob bosses then declared, "You can never trust a rat!" and threatened the pair. They ran away. Then the Sweedish chef brought out a shellfish pizza. Yay Sweedish chef!
6. Animal destroys Skeeter's laptop with a club...it was a pun on hits on a web site he'd set up. Muppets love puns almost as much as they love irony
7. Muppet choreography. Always a happy bonus.
   
8. Whoopi driving a cab.
   
9. Uma Thurman as a ditzy ticket agent at JFK, and all the Muppets drooling over her.
10. Pepe and Rizzo having trouble with airline security
11. Nathan Lane as an airline security officer. He wanted a tricycle, he didn't get one. Now he's bitter.
    
12. "It's federal offense to tell jokes in an airport security line!"
13. The Old Balcony guys heckling from a brownstone window.
14. It takes 3 hours to get from New York to the North Pole by plane...fun fact huh?
15. Gonzo and Fozzie duet. They're like the Ringo and George of the Muppets. Totally underrated but possibly the best part.
16. Uncle Vernon as Santa
17. Kermit wishing us a Happy Holidays. There's nothing like Muppets to make Christmas just that much better.
    

ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME?

OK, so it's bad enough that they've replaced Catherine Hardwicke with the guy who did The Golden Compass for New Moon (BTW, according to anyone who actually read The Golden Compass, I did not, although I did enjoy the film, he butchered it) but now they're talking about replacing Taylor Lautner with Ben Barnes for Jacob!


NOOO!

Taylor Lautner was perfect. And I like Ben Barnes. I do, I mean, Prince Caspian...swoon. But he's not Jacob. And you can't do that. Recasting of a big role rarely works out. Like in Hannibal, I like Julianne Moore, but she's not Jodie Foster. Or Val Kilmer as Batman, yuck. (OK, I actually like Batman Forever, but because of Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey and Nicole Kidman) Whichever Darrin Stevens was second, just not as good. If Ben Barnes wants in on Twilight, he can play Sam or something. Actually Ben Barnes would make a really good Sam, now that I think about it. Or maybe Embry. But not JACOB! You can't give me the perfect Jacob, who btw is actually Native American not British and bizarrely good at accents and then just take him away. Why does Robert effing Pattinson get a free pass? Edward is barely even in New Moon. He's in it as much as Jacob is in Twilight.

And don't even get me started on the Catherine Hardwicke thing. She did an amazing job on Twilight, with next to no budget and tremendous pressure. Not to mention part of what I love about Twilight is the feminine tour de force that it is. Think of Sci Fi/Fantasy/Horror authors who are household names. Guess what? Chances are they AREN'T WOMEN...with the exception of JK Rowling (who had to abbreviate her name because her publisher didn't think that if people knew right away Harry Potter was written by a woman they would buy it) there are very few women who are famous in that genre, and guess who the other two that I can think of are? Stefanie Meyer and Anne Rice. So having a woman direct the movie really meant something, especially to a young woman who has an interest in the entertainment industry. But now it's, "Oh, we can afford a man, so we're going to use him this time." It really puts me off, a lot. Luckily Stephanie said she's got her eye on him. I'm so glad they're letting her be involved. She better keep him from butchering it.

And the wolves better not look cheesy.

You know you love me.

So I've been reading the "Next Generation" Gossip Girl books. These are to be known as "The Carlyles." I'm thoroughly annoyed by them. Every single character is a pale imitation of the original characters.

You have Avery Carlyle, who just so desperately wants to be popular and important at Constance. She continually fails miserably at this. Just a little bit like, umm, Jenny Humphrey. Maybe Avery will ultimately triumph and go away to boarding school, who knows?

Then there's Baby Carlyle, who's effortlessly beautiful and perfect, and can't stick to a boyfriend for longer than five seconds...like Serena (Book Serena, obviously, not TV Serena, who's still in love with Dan.) Baby ended this most recent book impulsively flying off to Barcelona for no reason whatsoever, after dumping cute boy who she likes, because it just didn't work between them...like you know Serena and Dan (Again, in the book)

Owen Carlyle, who's tall and blond and has no real personality whatsoever, but he really likes girls...Nate Archibald anyone?

Jack Laurent...Poor Jack, her crazy mom has made her life a living hell. *COUGH* BLAIR WANNABE *COUGH* And Baby stole her boyfriend and boo hoo, woe is me. No one cares, Blair did it first, she did it better and managed not to be annoying!

JP...JP is an idividual, kinda. Except that he and Jack are sort of Nate and Blair-ish, that is they've been together forever, and he's also really into Baby.

Then there's Rhys and Kelsey who just ARE Dan and Vanessa, just take away the artsy-ness that made Dan and Vanessa interesting.

That being said I know I'm going to continue spending money on these books. It's kind of a problem.

Odd Man Out

Hey, so I was watching The Daily Show, and I saw that commercial for the new Guitar Hero, you know the one where A-Rod, Kobe, Michael Phelps and Tony Hawk are all playing, and Kobe's totes lame because the rest of them are in their underwear and he's wearing shorts. Anyway, Kobe's not the odd man out in that group...he sort of is, but he's not the one I'm thinking of.

A-Rod has never won the top prize in his sport. He doesn't have a World Series Ring. Kobe has multiple NBA Championships, Tony Hawk must have won some skateboarding thing, I don't know how that sport works, and Michael Phelps has more Olympic medals than any human.

This strikes me as strange and granted its not all his fault, but I'm just saying. Maybe Derek should be in the add, Derek has several World Series championships.

Bling Bling Bling

So I've been watching my Office DVDs while I've been studying for my finals, and I don't know why but I was thinking about something my mom and I discussed a while ago, and that's how NBC successful shows have a certain something to them.

NBC's biggest successes come in a certain package, ensemble casts of mostly unknowns with a few familiar faces.

St. Elsewhere's made most of its cast stars, sure people knew William Daniels (But that was about it.)

Cosby, they knew Cosby. But Lisa Bonet, Phylcia Ryshaad, Malcom Jamall Warner, all unknowns, made into stars.

Cheers. All unknowns. Entirely.

Seinfeld. No one knew those guys, Jerry Seinfeld was a mildly successful comedian, Jason Alexander was a failing character actor. Now look at them.

Friends. Courtney Cox was in a Bruce Springsteen video and David Schwimmer had done some theater. I mean just look at that cast now, especially Jennifer Aniston who's biggest credit was Leprechaun.

The West Wing. Martin Sheen was a big movie star, and John Spencer was somewhat known. But the entire staff was really only known for playing small roles in movies.

Scrubs. Um, wait isn't that the black kid from Clueless? Granted NBC then destroyed the show by moving it to a different time slot every year, but still.

The Office. The Office is like the best show on television right now (Besides GG) and it was all these people you'd never heard of, unless you watched The Daily Show, then you knew Steve Carrell. Now they're all doing things, they're recognizable

Heroes. The Heroes cast were all "Oh That Guy!" type actors. Except Milo...*sigh*...OK, I'm back, but think about it. Ali Larter, "Isn't that the girl who wore the whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues?" Or "Hey, that's the little girl from Remember The Titans?" or "Wasn't he in Top Gun?" Now, they're, well, not so much famous, as "Oh that's Matt Parkman!"

So there you have it. That's why shows like, mm, My Own Worst Enemy don't work for them...you watch NBC to see the future, not to be sad because all Christian Slater can get work doing is some pathetic Fight Club rip off show.

And of course there are exceptions...like 30 Rock. Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, Jane Krakowski and Alec Baldwin are hardly unknowns. They're actually pretty famous and have been for a while. There are always exceptions.

How the Idiot Box Blew My Mind Tonight

OK, between Gossip Girl and Heroes, I'm going to go CRAZY!!! Seriously, my television needs to chill out.

Let's start with Gossip Girl:

1. Lilly and Rufus have a baby! A BABY! Which means that Dan and Serena share a sibling which only furthers my cause...NERENA!!!! Seriously, it's not going to last with Aaron, and Nate and Vanessa can try their best, but it's Nate and Serena they will be together. Even if I'm the last person one earth to believe it.
2. Chuck loves Blair, Blair loves Chuck, but Chuck RAN AWAY and asked her NOT to follow him. Except we know she will, because they LOVE each other and they told each other.
3. Jenny's back, but you know, good Jenny, who we love, Jenny who just wants her brother to be happy and stuff. Bitchy Jenny gone, thank God! She was awful.
4. Blair wore the most spectacular blue velvet headband. I wants it.
5. If the television academy was less snobby and paid attention to The CW, then Ed Westwick would sooo deserve an Emmy for tonight's episode. He was so good it was unreal. Yes, he did his whole "I'm Chuck Bass, and I'm going to whisper, and purse my lips and wear ridiculous suits" thing, but the scenes where he flipped on Dan and kicked him out of the funeral and then when he told Erik he wasn't his brother (poor Erik, really, although he got back together with his boyfriend, which was sweet.) were so good I wanted to orgasm all over the place. Also I've decided that I'm going to marry him...Ed Westwick. So yeah, that'll be good.

And then Heroes...WHOA!

1. Sylar not a Petrelli. THANK GOD! But he also killed Elle, which makes me sad. I loved Elle, and I was really digging the Sylar/Elle love story. But I guess Kristen Bell had to focus on being Gossip Girl at the moment. Those voice overs must be killer.
2. Masi Oka should also win an Emmy. Hiro rocks. Hiro's scene with his mother was so awesome.
3. Claire warning Baby Claire about what boys are trouble. HILARIOUS.
4. Super Strong Marine and Nathan being a bad guy...SCARY.

I basically was shouting "OH MY GOD!" And "WHAT THE FUCK!" for two hours. Seriously, I feel SUPER bad for my room mates.

Well that's a new one...

OK, so, last night was a very exciting night for me. At least the pop culture nerd inside me who tends to this blog was very excited.

TNT has a series of made for TV movies. They star Noah Wyle, and they're ridiculously corny and the special effects suck, and they rip off Indiana Jones like it's nobody's business. These are The Librarian Movies. The Librarian: Quest for The Spear and The Librarian: Return To King Solomons Mines. I love these movies. They are everything that is good in entertainment, with the added bonus of Noah Wyle running around jungles and deserts all sweaty. Yum.

This new one The Librarian: Curse of The Judas Chalice. What is the Judas Chalice? Well, it turns out that the Judas Chalice is the yang to the Holy Grail's Yin. Yes, it's an evil grail. Process that for a moment. What does the evil grail do? Well, it doesn't bring eternal death, because you know that would be dumb...dumber than what it does at least. The evil grail brings dead vampires back to life and gives living vampires increased speed and strength.

Let me say that again...VAMPIRES! I'm a little sad that even the Librarian has been corrupted by Twilight-mania. But I was also very very excited to see what they did with it. Well, not a lot, actually. Except that Judas was the first Vampire, and then Flynn fell in love with a vampire, in New Orleans, obviously, because apparently vampires love Louisiana (Interview starts there, True Blood, um Jasper is from there.) and then they kill Dracula.

Yeah, I know it's sort of hard to explain and is actually pretty stupid, but its the third movie and if you know the characters it was fun. Flynn is a whole lot smoother than he used to be, but he's been doing the whole Librarian thing for like six years now.

Oh right and he killed Dracula and they totally set up more movies...SWEET!

God F*cking Bless Us...

Last night while watching A Muppet's Christmas Carol Jen and I started coming up with some ideas for our own version of the Charles Dickens Classic.

An HBO Original Christmas Carol

We came up with a few bits, and I came up with some myself. If anyone has any other suggestions feel free!

Obviously there's Scrooge: Tony Soprano is the obvious choice. I mean, the cheating the killing the whole mob boss thing, he's a good fit.

Marley: Larry David...Come on, Larry's whining combined with those clinking chains, terrifying. Also hilarious.

Bob Cratchet: Say it with me folks LLOYD!!!! Ari's poor put upon assistant has the right amount of cheer and lovable subservience to fit into poor Cratchet's icey cold desk. God knows he's good at putting up with the abuse.

Tiny Tim: Eric Murphy. OK, maybe it's just because of all those little man jokes Ari always makes, but think about it. E would be a welcome relief from all of those perky happy Tiny Tims. A sardonic Tiny Tim who's always on his cell phone, it would work.

Belle (Scrooge's Fiancee in the past): Carrie Bradshaw. After her relationship with Scrooge bites the big one she can make some bad pun about how he loved money more than her. Plus you know, he can criticize her about spending all of her money on shoes.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come: Sookie from True Blood. She has visions. It works. Also she reads minds and is in love with a vampire who could kick Edward Cullen's ass. Not that that has anything to do with A Christmas Carol but I just like saying it.

The Ghost of Christmas Present: Turtle. Mostly cuz he's chubby and round and adorable. Not to mention you know, he's Turtle, he's all about living in the moment.

That's all I've got so far, but I'm totally open to suggestions if you've got 'em!

Prop 8

Prop 8 The Musical

This might be one of the most brilliant internet viral musicals since Dr. Horrible. If you haven't watched Dr. Horrible you absolutely should.

But this is amazing. It basically says everything I think aboutGay marriage. Yes, as a Catholic I think marriage is a sacrament meant for the spiritual union between man and woman for the further procreation of the human species.

But as a human rights activist (hardly militant, I mean, I shop at Wal-Mart for Christ's sake.) It does annoy me that the same people who quote Leviticus consider themselves Christians. Pretty much the whole love your neighbor thing wiped out the whole stone your mother, sell your daughter, abomination thing. I'm just saying.

That and it's HILARIOUS and Allison Janney plays one of the evil republicans...granted I am a republican but I agree that the whole Prop 8 thing is totally evil, and not a constitutional issue, btw.

Granted I got into an almost fight with my roommate last night about our school providing contraception to female students.

Could I find a lamer source to rip off from?

OK, so I was on the IMDB front page and I saw a link for the trailer for a movie called 17 Again. Now, last I checked, there already was a movie out there called 17 Again. It was a Disney Channel Original Movie and starred the Mowry kids, and I think Tamara played the grandmother who Taj turned into a 17 year old again and she and Tia became best friends.

This version however, Matthew Perry is a workaholic Dad who gets changed into The Zefron. Now, I love me some Zefron, but the very thought that Chandler and Troy Bolton could ever share a role just puts me off. Zac's whole earnest young guy thing does not blend with the sarcasm that oozes out of Matt's every pore. Even when he played that lawyer on West Wing, dude was still Chandler.

That being said the movie does actually look pretty funny. Zac enrolls at his kids high school and fixes their lives. Michelle Trachtenberg is the daughter, and well, I'm all for Harriet The Spy having her career. And the wife is played by Leslie Mann, who rarely if ever misfires, although maybe that's just because lately she's only been in her husband's movies, and really only the good ones (She and Paul Rudd were the best part of Knocked Up, except maybe for Steve Carrell's cameo)

Anyway, I'll probably wait for it to be on cable, although maybe on a boring Sunday I'll sneak to a matinée. I do like to see the Friends working (WHERE ARE YOU MATT LEBLANC? Has anyone seen Lisa Kudrow's Gameboy commercial?) and like I said, I am fully in favor of The Zefron.

That being said, there's a good chance that all of the funny stuff is in the trailer. Wouldn't be the first time.

Woo HOO!

OK, so this week's Gossip Girl had everything I like in an episode.

We had a fantastic Chuck and Blair storyline. We all know I love my Chuck and Blair. They're amazing, and they're the only best part of the whole show. For the annual Snowflake Ball (Yes, this is annual, although it wasn't there last year??) anyway, they make a bet, if they can find the other a date that they like they exchange, Blair gets the limo for a month, and Chuck gets Darota, (Poor Darota, she's so good and so put upon. If it wasn't clear how much Blair really loved her you'd probably really hate Blair for the way she treats her) and they find each other younger versions of themselves. These versions are also less pretty. There is a lot of banter. Then the fakeys hook up and this sends their world into disarray and they get back together. YAYS! Also, Chuck was wearing sequins. It was fantastic.

Then there was some Lilly and Rufus. LILLY AND RUFUS!!! They are the number 2 reason to watch the show. I mean, we all know that Lilly and Rufus are the most amazing grown up couple to ever grace a teen soap. Sure, sure, Jackie and Mel had their ups and downs on BH90210 (mostly downs) and Mitch and Gale were good times, you know with their open marriage and second wedding and whatnot, and Sandy and Kirsten with their perfect stability, and their completely endless income, and Ryan and That Drug Cop seem to be doing well on 90210, but none of them can touch the epic generation spanning romance of Lilly and Rufus. She was about to leave Bart for him, and then he was in a car accident, and on scenes it looks like he died. This will add to the epicness. But seriously poor orphan Chuck.

Oh yeah, and Jenny was a total bitch, and Nate and Vanessa got their shit together. So that's going to be fun. Seriously? Let's send Jenny to Waverly already, her shit's getting old. Also, I want to see Callie and Easy...also Heath Ferro...although TV Chuck and Heath Ferro are kind of the same. But still I want my It Girl characters.

Also, I wouldn't mind seeing the Carlisles and their group. Or Baby at least. Avery's kind of a pain in the ass.

Who ends up with who...

Soo, last night was it and I just watched it on Surfthechannel...

James Vanderbeek on One Tree Hill. I've watched most of the episodes now...sigh, my friend Ali was right, I'm hooked in. Gloat if you must Allison.

Anyway, he was brought in as a film director named Dixon (That's pretty close to a certain other name if you ask me!) because Lucas is interviewing him to see if he'll direct the movie version of Lucas's novel. First of all we've seen CMM and The Beek square off before. I don't know how many of those watching OTH at this point know that Chad played cheating rocker with a heart of gold Charlie on Dawson's Creek. Charlie starred in one of Dawson's epic love stories, much to Jen's chagrin, and Pacey's irritation (Audrey was playing the leading lady and Charlie was in hot pursuit of Joey at the time...you can see why Pacey'd be pissed about the choice.)

I was hoping, at least a little that this director would be a Dawson reincarnate, someone to match up with Lucas's good guy instincts and they could be sanctimonious together. But I was pleasantly surprised to see they did it differently. Dixon is like the counterparts Dawson finds in the later seasons. Oliver and that British guy. He's abrasive and pushy and hyperactive. It makes sense, because if you were to actually put Dawson and Lucas in a room together to work on a project it would be the most boring, drawn out and preachy piece of trash ever. So instead Dixon insists on two things, the couple you expect to end up together shouldn't, and you have to raise the stakes by killing off one of the younger characters. You have to have a knowledge of Dawson's to really understand the humor behind him asking for those things, one of which he phrases, "The one thing I know is that the audiences goes crazy over who ends up together in the end." Anyone with a remotely intimate knowledge of Dawson's Creek gets the humor in Dixon's requests.

1. The raise the stakes thing by randomly killing off one of the leads. Her name was Jen Lindley. Her story was overall the most interesting and least annoying of any of the characters on previously mentioned show. And what do they do? Halfway through the series finale Jen dies of a heart condition that until said series finale no one, including her best friend in the world Jack knew she had. Raises the stakes? Little bit. Breaks the audience's heart? TOTALLY!

2. The unexpected couple ends up together. OK, so Joey choosing Pacey isn't totally unexpected, and the emotional payoff is worth it. But it's definitely a twist. Dixon is specifically asking for Lucas to end up with Hayley in the movie. That's Dawson talking, Dawson who never got his Joey, wants the best friends to end up together. In all of Dawson's retellings of the story that's how it ends up. Sam chooses Colby, in that movie they make in Season 2 or 3, I can't remember, where Rachel Leigh Cook plays Joey, she ends up with the Dawson character. He wants to see it happen again, even from the guise of this guy who isn't Dawson.

Of course after this we've learned that something's going on with Peyton...my guess is she's pregnant or has cancer.

Or maybe she has a mysterious heart condition that she didn't tell anybody about.

Either way this is going to be a funn ride...Good to have you back Leery.

What a stupid lamb...

OK, so, I got back from Twilight about an hour ago and I have to say I'm highly impressed. I enjoyed every second of it. And I'll dive right in.

The opening, we see Edward stalking down a deer, as Bella reads the preface to the novel. I'd imagine this would be a pretty scary moment to those who don't know the deal. We see Bella's departure from Phoenix, her arrival in Forks. The Charlie and Bella dynamic is perfect, their careful awkwardness is ideal.

Change but perfectly executed: Bella doesn't cook, they eat in a diner every night. This provides an excellent way into Forks, the people of Forks know Bella, even though she doesn't know them.

Another change, Billy and Jacob drive the truck up, we actually see them before we see the Cullens, as a Jacob fan this pleased me. Bella is immediately at ease when Jacob's around, which is nice to see. I'll get into performances later.

Bella's first day at Forks High and the onslaught of male admirers is done perfectly, especially the way Jessica's motives for friendship with Bella are completely obvious, Mike's paying attention to Bella, Jess swoops in. Angela is more sincere, as is the point. Lauren is left out entirely, which is fine. Jess and Angela introduce the Cullens when Bella inquires after them.

The biology scene is hilarious, and I can imagine confusing to those who don't know the deal. Edward trying to hold his breath and Bella continually smelling herself afraid she has BO is so awkwardly and perfectly executed. As are the rest of their courting scenes. Even when they get together, if you took out the supernatural elements their relationship could simply be between the nice girl and the bad boy. Edward could be Jess Mariano, or James Dean, the point is that Bella should stay away from him, but she can't.

The baseball scene is unbelievable, I always had trouble reading that part, it didn't make sense to me, I couldn't visual the super fast, super athletic vampires. Seeing that scene made it real for me.

And the fight in the ballet studio was beautifully done, it was a nice pay off I'm sure for all the poor boyfriends who are being dragged to watch their girlfriends drool over Edward Cullen.

And then the prom scene. Another change, Bella seems less resistant, not to mention the prom isn't in the Forks High Gym, but whatever. Jacob's appearance and his warning to Bella is more sincere, you get the feeling that in the movie universe, Jacob is already a wolf, he already knows the deal. I could be wrong though. I had a giggle moment that I had to stifle a bit, as Edward walked Bella away from Jacob he mutters, "I leave you alone for 2 minutes and the wolves descend." I actually snorted I was so happy. The glare that Edward and Jacob exchange too, ah, no words. Chills, though definitely chills.

And the twist ending sets up Eclipse as well as New Moon. We saw the birth of a film series.

Now onto the individual performances. Let's start with the smaller parts. The human friends were perfect. It was really a thrill for me to see Anna Kendrick up on the big screen, even if she didn't sing lol. The Cullens were ideal, almost exact, especially Emmet, considering how small his part was he got his playful bearlike attitude across perfectly. I was a little disappointed because Carlisle backstory was cut for time, I understood the cutting but still, I would have liked to have seen it.

Kristen Stewart was unreal. She's going to be a star, and I really hope that Bella doesn't end up pigeon holing her, and that she agrees to the sequels. She was Bella, perfectly incarnate, I was very impressed.

Robert Pattinson was unbelievable. I take back every doubt I had. He was just perfect. He exuded Edward's confident discomfort. Not to mention because I read them all in a chunk the way I did, I forgot that in Twilight Edward is stiffer, more scared. It's not until Eclipse that he relaxes, and lets go and is really himself.

ANND Taylor Lautner. So adorable, wanted to hug him. <3 My Jacob. End of Story.

All in all, I was impressed, happy even. Maybe I'll get back to you all after my second look but I wouldn't count on it. I have a feeling this is always going to be good.

It's TWILIGHT DAY!

Today is going to be entirely dedicated to Twilight! YAY!

I haven't seen the movie yet, I'm going this afternoon, I'll have a full review tomorrow, or later today, but right now, I'm going to do a Versus situation, I like doing these, they're fun, and this is a particularly fun one.

Many people know that I was falsely lured into the world of Twilight by friends who assured me that Bella and Edward's romance resembled Buffy and Angel's. Guess what? It doesn't. This lead to the inevitable fangirl/boy question...if Buffy's Scooby Doo gang went against the Cullens and co, who would win?

First some rules: We are discussing before Bella's transformation into a vampire, after the alliance with the wolves, in Twilight time, after Buffy comes back from the dead more powerful, after Faith joins the group and Willow discovers her powers for the Buffy gang? Are we clear? Good.

So let's start with the obvious:

Buffy would first take Bella out, because well, Bella wants to be a vampire and Buffy knows that this is bad. She wouldn't kill her because Buffy doesn't kill people but she'd knock her out and maybe some sense into her. For her trouble, Buffy would then have to take on Jacob and Edward, you know because they love her. Luckily Edward will be otherwise engaged, I'll get to that in a minute. And she's Buffy, she can handle Jacob (I love him, but I mean, she's Buffy!)

Edward and Angel will be having a brood off. They're going to sit and stare into space, contemplating the danger they've put the women they love in. Edward will read Angel's mind and discover that he too mourns over the fact that he has no immortal soul and he has to walk the world forever denying his nature. Then they will bond. And they can brood and brood and be incredibly sexy. It'll be good.

Back to Buffy and Jacob. Yes, he'd be in wolf form and he'd have Seth and Quil and Embry and Leah and all the others backing him up, but Buffy's fought werewolves, and she'd take care of it. I trust in Buffy, she'd beat them.

Faith gets Alice, let's face it, with the whole psychic thing, there needs to be a Slayer on her. Plus she's got Jasper backing her up, so again, there is need for a slayer. I put Faith on them instead of Buffy because, as the Dark Slayer she's more brutal. Unfortunately, I don't think she could beat them, Faith falls.

Cordelia and Rosalie. Cordelia is useless, but she's pretty. Rosalie refuses to kill people and oh right, she and Cordelia are exactly the same, you know, pretty, shallow, largely useless in a fight but really fun for the plot. So yeah, just give them each a mirror, it'll be fun.

Willow vs. Esme? Maybe...I don't know. Willow's such a powerful witch I almost think she could take them all out at once. Or at least debilitate them.

Carlisle and Giles will sit up in Carlisle's library and talk about old books while everyone else fights. Giles will be fascinated by the Volturi. You know he will!

Oh right...

Then Lestat and Louis swoop in and kill everybody. YAY!

CODE WORDS

Well, it's official, this season's DWTS hookup: Cody Linely and Julianne Hough.

They've been kicked off in semis, which makes me very sad, because I didn't get my Hough v. Hough finale, but whatever...in their little "walk down memory lane" clip montage the voice over read:

"In Julianne I haven't just gotten a dance partner, I've gotten a new friend for life."

DING DING DING! We have a winner. Shannen Elizabeth and Derek Hough..."friends for life," (Totes a couple, not anymore as far as I know, but there was hooking up.) Mario Lopez and Katirina Smirnoff..."friends for life" (THEY WERE ENGAGED!) Mario(R and B Singer) and Katirina..."friends for life" (Fucked) Apollo Anton Ono and Julianne Hough..."friends for life."

I think you get the point.

They're BAAACKK

OK, so, just one week after saying that 90210 lost my attention they brought it back full force.

1. Annie/Ethan/Naomi triangle is firmly in place. Annie and Ethan are a couple. Naomi is watching jealously from a distance, as much as Annie and Ethan have their Brenda and Dylan moments, from the looks of thing these three are going to be much more like Valeria, Brandon and Kelly. Especially the fight between the two girls that took place last night...
2. Navid/Adrianna Unexpected to be sure, but this seems like a pair that's going to work. Of course it doesn't hurt that Navid is David Silver. Not just like him, he's the same effing character. He's a closet musician, attached to his video camera by the hand.
3. Kelly and Brenda are back...and next week Brenda's going to confess to sleeping with Ryan. But, need we go back and remember that although Brenda was hugely bitchy about the whole thing, it was Kelly who slept with Dylan while he was still going out with Brenda the first time. And then Kelly just moved on along to Brenda's twin brother, so I'm just saying, maybe it's Brenda's turn to get hers!
4. Dixon and Silver are David and Donna to this show. They're the stable coupled comic relief, and adorable. Also, I love Silver...and apparently Terminator is starting to tank a little and Tori has reopened the contract negotiations...*SIGH* I hope we get to see Donna and David's happily ever after (THEY DID LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!)
6. Minimizing of the parental story lines...No one cares. I'm glad they got the hint. It's not like Lilly and Rufus and how they're the best part of GG, or Sandy, Kirsten, Julie, Jimmy and Cal and how they were often the comic relief on OC. Yes, the dramas are nice for certain insert, but really, I think they serve a Mitch and Gail (Creek) aka, filler!

Oh right, and I've officially decided that I think Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Antonio Banderas should play the Volturi in the Twilight sequels. Think about it, it'll be funny.

When you can live forever...

OK, first things first, my apologies for going so long without an update. I was swamped with school work, a trip home for a weekend, and my project for the next week.

I'm rereading the Twilight saga in preparations for the movie opening next Friday...OK it started out as rereading Twilight but then, well, I don't know why, I needed to get my Jacob fix, which you don't get nearly enough of him in just Twilight, so I moved on and did New Moon. And then well, New Moon gives you such a cliffhanger, and Eclipse is clearly the epitome of the series (Although I suppose those who are more partial to Edward over Jacob might pick the original, but I think everyone who's read them can agree that it outshines Breaking Dawn but a whole lot!) I'm almost done with it now, where I'll move on to Breaking Dawn, despite my antipathy towards some of the ways Meyer decided to tie up loose ends as well as sooo many ends she didn't tie up. (When the Cullens leave Forks, what's Jacob supposed to do? Wait around for seventy years until they show up again and he can be with Nessie? Or does he go with them? Won't he and Rosalie kill each other? What about Charlie? Won't he get all heartbroken when Bella and Nessie disappear from his life? What about that other half vampire who was totes checking Nessie out even though she's like 5 or whatever, and she and Jacob are soul mates? See how the questions mount?)

That being said, I'm managing my expectations for the movie version, but everytime I see something new from it I get a little more excited. I'm still not sold on Cedric Diggory as Edward, and it seems from the publicity at least that he sneers too much. Edward isn't like that. He's kind and sweet and perfect, and I'm sick of him, which is why despite the saga ending and the convenience of Nessie, I still think Bella should have chosen Jacob. As soon as I saw Kristen Stewart with dark hair I knew she was perfect for Bella. I really loved her in In The Land Of Women and I think she has the right mix of quiet sarcasm and intelligence for the part. Rosalie isn't pretty enough, but who is? (OK in my head I see Julianne Hough, but I do have a gimundo girl crush on her) Emmet and Jasper are perfect and I pray for the sequels so that we get more of them. Emmet is my favorite side character except maybe for Seth Clearwater, and I want him to be represented well. When I said Emmet and Jasper were perfect it was nothing to how perfect the girl they have for Alice is, at least visually, she fits the books description to a T, like Stephanie Meyer dreamed her up. The girl who played Rebecca on Grey's will make a fantastic Esme, especially given her resemblance to Kristen Stewart, it sets up a nice visual that Edward would pick a girl who resembles his "mother." And Carlisle is good too, immensely good looking and kindhearted, he fits, which is as I said before, nice to see.

I kind of love that James is being played by Volchock from The OC. For several reasons,
1. He killed Marissa, and for this I will always be grateful (someday I will go into my deep seeded hatred for Marissa Cooper)
2. He's really really good at being enticingly creepy, that's how he lured Marissa into his sinful slug lifestyle which eventually caused her death. Much like Anne Rice's, Meyer's vampires lure their pray in by being attractive to them.
3. He was on THE OC!

Other side characters I'm psyched for...FRITZY IS PLAYING JESSICA! OK, so anyone who knew me five or six years ago, has had to deal with Camp. (Camp is a severely corny independent film about theater camp that me and my friends were obsessed with!) Fritzy was our absolute favorite character, a quiet freak of a girl who poisened the Queen Bee to steal her role in Company...anyway, I know I'm excited to see her do something high profile, even in as small a role as Jess, I don't know about my fellow Camp-heads. Bella's non vamp friends are all there and just fine, and an added love interest for Charlie is an interesting addition, although unnecessary and kind of clumsy...since it's sort of implied that Charlie and Sue Clearwater hook up in the end. There's someone credited on IMDB as simply "Jacob's friend" and my guess is that it's supposed to be Sam, or maybe Quil or Embry.

Now to my Jacob. True, in Twilight he's minimal, and so the need to cast someone just right is a serious "Just in case!" (If the movie tanks we won't see New Moon, let alone Eclipse and Team Jacob will be devastated by this) But that being said they nailed him. The kid has that sweet face and wide grin that Bella describes as loving. And he was so psyched for it that he grew his hair out. Anyone with that much enthusiasm has my backing! Of course the whole movie could suck and as long as he was good I'd be happy.

That being said, I can't wait to see what direction they take it in. I've already got two dates to see it (Going with Erin at school and then my Dad when I get home) so you'll get my first watch reaction as well as a pretty soon after rewatch. Keep your eyes peeled!

Fan freaking tastic and a PSA

The people over at Desperate Housewives have made me a very happy little nerd girl.

Ahem

The character of Karen McClusky (Played by the actress who I affectionately call Mrs. Laningham) her sister was introduced this week. This sister, is being played by Lilly Tomlin.

Get why this makes me happy?

Can't figure it out?

On The West Wing, Mrs. Laningham was President Josiah Bartlett's personal secretary, that is until she was killed by a drunk driver in one of the best season finales in the show's seven year run. I say best in the sense that it was incredibly heart wrenching and the TV nerd in me is still upset by it. Mrs. Laningham was replaced after an extensive search process by Lilly Tomlin. She never really did actually replace Mrs. Laningham, in fact I can't even remember her character's name (Jenna help me out here.) I'm just saying this is awesome.

I'm actually watching a West Wing marathon now. I completely forgot how well written and perfectly executed this show is.

Also, a part of me wants to write Jed Bartlett in tomorrow...Who's with me?

Granted I'm a hardcore crazy small government Republican and he's a practically socialist big government Democrat, not to mention fictional and played by an actual socialist, but I think that this is good.

And really, who doesn't want to see what would happen if Emilio, Charlie and Renee were the first children? All of a sudden the Bush daughters don't look so bad, right? I mean, next to Charlie Sheen, they're saints.

So do I have a point? Yes! I am making my first self important political statement. When I say I'm a Republican I'm not shitting around. I believe in small government and low taxes. I think that every day decisions should be in the hands of the people who have to make them every day, or if absolutely necessary on a state level. I believe in protect all people's rights, whether they're born or convicted of a crime, or making the difficult decision to protect this country by joining the armed forces. Incidentally this puts me against the current party leadership (Neo Conservatives are not real republicans) in several ways. Yes, I oppose abortion, I also oppose the death penalty, the war, human torture and I support equal rights for all Americans (I don't think that Gay marriage will destroy anything except for unfair double standards for heterosexual couples). I support John McCain because he feels the same way on most of these issues, gay marriage being the exception, but I refuse to be a single issue voter.

I'm a Republican, I'm not a fan of Bush, I think the fact that our country is in the toilet at the moment is evidence of what he and his administration have done. But I also think it should be known that The Senator from Arizona is the same way.

I've always supported this man, but after seeing him speak in person, I know that this is what we need.

It also doesn't help that according to Barack Obama my family is rich and yet both my parents work full time, don't own their home, can barely make tuition payments my mother is driving around in a on its last leg 15 year old mini van. I have trouble trusting anyone who's that out of touch with people in the middle class. Especially when they claim to be advocates of that group. White collar workers are still middle class...not just blue collar. I resent when people don't make the distinction between my father, an upper management consultant in a big corporation and The CEO of a fortune 500 company. There is a big difference. It's called upper middle class people, we exist, and we're hurting too, know why? Most of our money is in the stock market. Raise our taxes, and guess what happens? We don't have money to put in the stock market and the economy doesn't get better, it gets worse. Raise our taxes and give that money to other people, then you piss us off...We work for that money, (OK, in my case my father does, but someday I will) it's ours, we need it, to do things that we've earned, like take nice little weeks near the ocean to be with out families and recharge our batteries. Or buy new cars that we don't live in fear will stop working halfway through a drive through the Pennsylvania mountains to take our children to college. Those are just a few examples of things that my family has had to give up because of the current economic status. I assume other families like ours are in similar spots.

BOORRRINNGG

I have become completely bored with 90210.

I went 2 episodes with little to no interest, and I have discovered why.

Kelly and Brenda are gone. My interest in this show is entirely invested in the old connections and they've stopped doing that. I don't care enough about these new kids yet. Both Shannen and Jennie have said they'll be back, and Jason Priestly said so too. I really really want to see Brandon. Badly. Of all the characters that I've been attached to that I want to know how things turned out Brandon Walsh is one of the tops. (Ainsley Hayes from The West Wing and Jess Mariano from Gilmore Girls are the runners up.) So I'm looking forward to that.

As for the new kids, I do like the DixonSilver romance (I am at least engaged enough to call them by their reals names now) and the newly minted NavidAdrianna vibe, which is very cute (Although I'm still holding on for AnnieNavid. And has anyone else noticed the similarities, David, Navid, David, Navid. I'm just saying!)

Also, I'm very much into Chuck this season on Gossip Girl. Oh how things change. Totes pissed that Nate and Jenny hooked up. Not cool.

30 Rock premiere tonight...review later on or in the morning!

Um, OK...

Aright, here's the deal, I know I just posted but then Jenna gave me the most amazing thing to write about. Thank you Jenna!

Everything Good in the World

Alright so, if you're lazy and don't want to read it, it's an article from The Onion written by Emilio Estevez himself about D4...For those of you who don't know how I feel about D4...well, here's the summation, if Indiana Jones can go to South America and fight Aliens, if Rock can get back in the ring, if John McClane is fighting cyber terrorists, who's to say that the Ducks can't get back out on the ice?

But the highlights of this particular plea come as follows:

"But when you've got no money and no family and it's been three years since Hollywood offered you a role in a film, you've got to ask yourself, "Am I going to sit here on the couch all day and wallow in self-pity, or am I going to get out there and make D4: The Mighty Ducks on my own?""

Do it man! I'm serious, I'd go see it. I'd make my friends go see it. I know my brother and his friends would go see it! Actually I think most people our age would go see it. We have fond memories of the Ducks. We want MORE. We're a generation that was fed on sequels. We ate them up. We read all seven Harry Potters, we watched all the Rocky's in one weekend. We waited on line en masse to see the crapfest that were Episodes 1,2, and 3. This movie will make money. Have no fear.

"We all contemplate slitting our wrists with the blade of the ice skate we wore in the original Mighty Ducks movie, released in 1992 to warm reviews. I know I've been there. But we have to rise above all that and keep calling Josh Jackson until he returns one of our voicemails, keep trying to figure out how to do a special effect that makes it look like a really fast slap shot burned a hole through the net and set it on fire. Because if we don't do that, I ask you, how are we ever going to get work again?"

I am saddened by the idea that Josh wouldn't return Emilio's voicemails. It's also categorically untrue, I mean, we all know that Emilio is partially responsible for Josh's recent career resurgence. You guys remember how he was in Bobby? Yeah, last I checked that was the first thing he did since we all cried like a baby when he and Joey confessed their eternal love for each other in the kitchen of The Ice House at the repast of Jen's funeral. I'm just saying. Also, it's such a part of my childhood, that I forget that this movie was not well received. This is the perfect movie. And as much as I want to see D4 get made, I want it all, I need Josh. It would also be helpful if we got some of the others. Emilio feels the same way

"I didn't get to where I am in life by sitting back and not making Mighty Ducks movies. And I'm sure as heck not going to stop now. I've just got to type up these scripts, and do some funny jokes and some cool new characters like a guy who can shoot a puck backwards through his legs. Also I have to find a budget somewhere, because movies need budgets. Then it's just a matter of picking up the phone and calling the old gang. I'm sure they'd be up for another sequel. Guys like Fulton, Lester, Jesse. I wish I knew their real names."

Goldberg does all those commercials now, I bet he'd be up for a movie. Keenan's got name recognition, he's on SNL, he was in a Samuel L. Jackson movie, but he did the All That 10th Anniversary special, he remembers his roots. Portman was in Rent, and he was/is? engaged to Eden Espinosa, I bet he'd be up for it, maybe he could even sing. Like he has a band or something. Connie Moreau's on TV all the time, Fulton was in The Battle of Shaker Heights...you could get at least some of them to do it, they're still around. We all wish we knew their real names (OK, I do, some of them. But I'm a walking talking IMDB search...so I'm the wrong person to ask.)

That being said, D4's been a standing joke between me, my brother and our friend Alan for a very long time. We've always joked about how we were going to write a script for it and mail it to Emilio. Our proposed plot:

Charlie Conway did make it to the big time. While playing for The Anaheim Ducks (sadly they are no longer Mighty) he sustains a knee injury (see, see how we're bringing the old stories in?) that ends his hockey career. Despondent over this development, Charlie gets by by speaking at Pee Wee Hockey League Banquets about his time with the Ducks. There was a Disney movie made of their story a la Remember The Titans. He also drinks a lot. One day he gets caught drunk driving (See what we did again? ;-) ) and calls his old coach and current lawyer to get him out of it. Bombay does so by saying Charlie will complete community service...coaching a Pee Wee Hockey team. The team's rival team is coached by none other than Rick Riley, Charlie's nemesis from D3...or if we can't get him we make it one of the Hawks, who we just create. The team, a bunch of misfits who Charlie whips into shape by getting the old team together and showing the kids how great Teamwork is. Oh, also, he bonds especially with one of them, who happens to have a single mom, and they hook up (Him and the mom, not him and the kid). Basically a rehash of the original with Charlie in Bombay's place and Bombay in Hans's.

You think Emilio would be interested in our version?

DWTS/2

As usual, after the halfway point of Dancing With The Stars, I present my halfway analysis.

First, I definitely want to see a Hough vs Hough final...also Warren and Kym. Football players always do well, (Read, Emmit Smith, Jason Taylor) and I really love how good Warren Sapp is. As for Julianne and Derek, seriously, they should have been going head on in the finale that was Julianne's second win (JENNIE GARTH WAS ROBBED! Screw you Marie Osmond. Yes, I am still angry about a dismissal from Dancing With The Stars almost a year ago. You wanna mess?) Anyway, Brooke and Derek are unbelievably unstoppable, like Kristi and Mark last season, Apollo and Julianne two years ago kind of unstoppable, but if anyone's going to stop them it's that adorable Cody and Julianne...seriously, he's so so so so so cute. He's also 18...I'm 21, almost, I feel very cougary, as does Julianne, what with her being a whole 2 years older than him, haha. Anyway, this week, when they went head on in the jitterbug...AWESOME. And also so so so so so cute. Also, Cloris Leachman is funny and I love Young Frankenstein, but seriously, Grandma's gotta go, so does Maurice Greene, and Susan Lucci...and that leaves, oh um, Cody, Brooke, Warren and Lance. Oh Lance...

Here's the thing. Joey Fatone was soooo good. Like unbelievably good, like if he'd been up against anyone but Apollo and Julianne he would have won big time, but Lance...mmm, not so much with the good. And I figured out why. He was partnered all wrong. I mean, Lacey, she's cute, I guess, but they don't seem to vibe well. Someone with a hip hop dance background doesn't need a partner who's all about thinking outside the box. They need someone like, um, well Kym or Cheryl. Mostly because Kym and Cheryl are extremely traditional, but still fun. So I've concluded that it's so not Lance's fault that he sucks.

Anyway, here's how I see it going down: Final Four, as I just described...then Lance goes...Bye bye Lance! Finale show, Houghs and Kym. Cody lucked out because he did start slow, but being with Julianne, who has a built in fan base as well as being a part of Mileyworld gives him some extra juice. Seriously, as untouchable as the teen queens of our glory days were (Britney and Christina ruled the world, not to mention Mandy and Jessica) they had nothing on Miley. I'm actually afraid that someday I'm going to get a phone call that says, "Oh, by the way Miley Cyrus now owns you." I won't even be that surprised, actually I'll ask if now I can meet Dolly Parton.

Also Brooke Shields.

But back to the topic at hand. Like I've said before, I really want to see what Derek could do with a freestyle. He's such a remarkably creative choreographer, and with no limits, well, I think it will be amazing!

Also, I figured out why I love this show so much. Earlier this year my mom teased me and called me "A middle aged gay man." (She was teasing me for loving Cole Porter as much as I do.) So it's the middle aged gay man who loves this show so much. Think about it, old school celebrities, lots of sequins, muscley guys dancing around with their chests showing. I'm not usually into stereotypes, but I mean come on.

At last!

So, thank God, I finally found someone else in my life who's Team Jacob. Honestly, usually I'm so on with my friends when it comes to pairings, but apparently not when it comes to Twilight, that is until I started talking about it with Erin. Who I should have known would feel the same way. Our conversation went something like this.

Me: Like, this summer, I read all the Twilights.
Erin: Me too!
Me: Oh my God, yay! And I know I'm like totally alone, but I'm so Team Jacob it's sad.
Erin: Oh my God I know! I love Jacob!
Me: I know, by the end of the third book, Edward's just such an asshole!
Erin: I wouldn't go that far, but Jacob is just better! She totally should have chosen Jacob.

Maggie and Beth looked at us like we were crazy, but still. We then discussed the movie which again, at last I have found someone who's looking forward to it! We both also agreed to reread them over Thanksgiving and then discuss further.

Shut up, we're English majors, we read things, then we dissect and discuss. It's just the way out minds work.

2.0

Wow. It finally happened. I used to joke about it, but Josh Schwartz and Co, actually did it. Dan Humphrey and Nate Archibald have officially just morphed into Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood. It happened slowly, but it happened. I see it happening in 4 steps:

Step 1: Dan (Seth) is a social reject, Nate (Ryan) good with people. Dan is awkward and babbles, Nate cool, blond, keeps his thoughts to himself except when it's really important.

Step 2: Dan (Seth) has on again off again relationship with girl of his dreams, Serena (Summer). Nate (Ryan) begins an tumultuous and unclear relationship with a girl from Dan's world, Vanessa (Marissa) while still holding onto sort of feelings from girl back in his own, Blair (Theresa).

Step 3: Dan (Seth) has cool hipster dad, Rufus (Sandy), who has a thing for pretty perfect blonde women named Lilly (Kirsten.) Nate (Ryan) has a white collar criminal father (plain old regular criminal father/brother) and a flaky socialite mother (flaky alcoholic mother).

Step 4: Nate's flaky socialite mother (flaky alcoholic mother) abandons him and they get evicted from their home. So Dan (Seth) and Rufus (Sandy) take Nate (Ryan) in to sleep on their couch (in their poolhouse.)

YES people, Nate has moved in with the Humphreys. Because, clearly, they're trying to further blur the lines between The OC and Gossip Girl.

This is going to be good.

Between this James Vanderbeek's One Tree Hill appearance, and the continued insinuation that we will see Dylan before this season of 90210 is out, all my teen soap dreams are coming true.

Could actually putting the finishing touches on my pilot be far behind?

A detour, we're all in this together.

So coming up this week is HSM 3.

I'm debating walking down the hill to the shitty near campus movie theater to see it on Saturday afternoon, the problem being I have no HSM fan friends out here. Another part of me wants to wait on it, wait to see it with the friends who I curled up on a couch three years ago with and watched the first one. Of course if I do that I probably won't get to it at all, since one of said friends is in England at the moment.

There's something magical about High School Musical, or there was. It was something simple and basic and special. It was a throwback, like some kind of half baked churned out musical from the 1940s, the kind that Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly passed on. Then it exploded and the magic was sort of gone. It killed the scene, that's for sure. There was a pocket of us, The Theatre Geeks, we don't exist anymore, that group of kids who used to stop all action in the room at the sound of Idina Menzel's voice. Anyway, The HSM phenomenon was the death knell of that.

Then came HSM 2. Which in my opinion is the superior film but the worse movie, if that makes any sense. In theory, it's better, the choreography is more complex, the songs more intricate, the vocals more professional even the cinematography cleaner, but there wasn't as much magic. Sure there was more Lucas Grabeel and Corbin Bleu (By far the two biggest talents to emerge from the series) and Zac Efron had gotten sexy, but it just wasn't enough.

Now 3 comes, a full length feature film in the theaters release. HSM has probably gotten too big for it's britches and I don't like it. I haven't heard any of the songs yet, and I've only watched the basic trailer. Although Lucas in white tails and a matching top hat does excite me. And there seems to be lots of shirtless wet Zefron happening. But I refuse to get my hopes up or to become emotionally invested.

Saying that you know I'm going to cry like a baby at the graduation scene.

Icebox

This week on Degrassi, Jane plays football. Because Jane is badass.

She plays wide receiver not fullback, but I still couldn't help but think of Becky "The Icebox" O'Shea. Some of the guys on the team (Danny, Sav) are totally cool with this. Spinner is supportive boyfriend. He's very good at that. Other people (Derek, Long haired Lakehurst goon who was totes there when they stabbed JT, weird new quarterback who Holly J is going to hook up with) are not OK with it and are terrorizing her. She tells new sleazy principal about this (I HATE this guy, seriously, why is Snake not the principal?) and he's like "You wanna play with guys this is what you put up with." I do like that they're returning Derek to his roots. Because he got lumped in with Danny and JT, you lost that he was initially tapped to be the jerk. His first appearance was as a point guard on the basketball team who made fun of Jimmy for being crippled...does no one else remember that? Anyway, Derek, NQB and Thug eventually beat on her and she flips. She tells Spinner and he gets all "I'm gonna killabitch" and she's all "Shut up I'm fine." Even Mia and Holly J are on her side. Well, Mia's expected, since Jane is Izzie's aunt and everything, but not necessarily Holly J. She wins the day because this is Degrassi and that's how these things work. But I do have to say that if Spin becomes what Alex was in the beginning (Supportive Spouse Role) I'm going to throw a shit fit. I know with all his friends gone, there's not a whole lot else for him to do but still.

In other news, Darcy went to Kenya to do missionary work...if by "Kenya" you mean "Beverley Hills", and by "missionary work" you mean, "making out with that lame Luke Perry-Ian Zerring Knock off" than yeah, I get what you're saying. Peter is angry and frustrated and as a result hooks up with Mia? Huh? Anyway, Danny's all, "Mia's a whore." And Sav's all, "I'm staying out of it." And then Mia's all, "Let's be boyfriendgirlfriend and I'll tell you about how cute my daughter is." And Darcy's sister is all, "Darcy misses you, she sent you a present from West Bev-I mean Africa." Peter broods and looks into the camera. Also, now that Peter is emancipated, he lives in an apartment that looks suspiciously like the one Sean and Ellie lived in in Season 3. I'm just saying. I do think it's a little odd that they're making Mia the new Manny. She's just going to hook up with everyone, huh?

Oh also, we got a "hun" out of Holly J this week. Sigh It's just not the same. Paige, we need you!

More than Salad dressing

OK, so, again due to the Smallville Binge there was a cut back in my regular viewing schedule (I've dropped Terminator, Mondays were too full anyway, and personally, I wasn't buying it anymore. I mean, I'm sorry, it's too creepy that John's in love with Cameron, she's a ROBOT, and hot robot but a robot none the less.) But the binge now ends, I have watched every single episode of Clark and the gang, and it has officially been added to the schedule. I'm just so glad that episodes will now by Lana free, I really hate her. Like I haven't had a flaming hatred for a fictional character who you supposed to like since the early days of the Duck obsession and I hated Adam Banks. But this is not what I was planning on writing about, at all. I was planning on writing about Paul Newman.

It has been almost a month since Paul Newman died. It's odd, because I haven't dwelled on it the way I usually do when famous people died, because I'm around other people who were born after 1985 who's parents for some reason, unlike mine didn't decide to give them a proper pop culture education before the age of ten, they all think that he's the salad dressing guy. Me, I know Butch and Sundance by heart and The Sting is in my top 20.

My mom is a huge Paul Newman fan. HUGE. My dad met Paul Newman once because he was up for a job reorganizing the foundation, (You know where all that salad dressing money goes) and I think my mom almost actually squealed. My mom is not a squealer. I'm a squealer, my mom is not. We almost always bought Newman's Own foods, not just because they were better than other foods, but because she liked that his picture was on them. See, I come by all of this craziness naturally folks. Last year when I had to write that paper on a Western and I said I couldn't decide what movie to do, my mother's response was immediately, "Butch and Sundance! Of course Butch and Sundance!" (I ended up doing it on Serenity.) To her, this is really hard, because her celebrity crush died, and not like when Heath Ledger died on my sister, he died because he was old and sick. Which is really hard for her to accept because it means she's getting old. This is how she interprets it. She also didn't say that because well, that's not how my mother rolls, she doesn't talk about her feelings except in a sarcastic way, or if I prompt her. But I know her, and I know that's how she's feeling.

It must be weird, I mean, what happens when our hotties start getting old? I mean, besides George Clooney who is ageless and just gets sexier by the minute. What happens when all of a sudden like Leo's an old guy? I'm just saying.

Paul Newman was a movie star, you know, in the old fashioned sense, he always played a similar character, and did it well, he was bigger than the characters. And the man made damn good salad dressing.

Seriously, his Balsamic Vinagrette? If you're going with bottled it's the way to go.

Whatever it takes...

So due to my Smallville binge (seriously I'm hooked, but is it just me or is Lana Lang just really annoying and did they make Lois completely awesome and badass on purpose? I mean, I've always thought Lois Lane was totally lame!) Anyway, that's another story for another day, due to this binge I sort of skipped most of my shows this week and I've spent the last two days (OH GLORIOUS BREAK) catching up. 90210 did nothing worthy of comment this week, except that Stylan and Donda almost kissed. Again. Woo. So I will instead discuss something else, Degrassi: The Next Generation Season 1,000,000 Premiere. OK, so Degrassi hasn't actually been on for a million years. But it feels like it. But, for the sake of argument let's look at who from the original cast is left.

1. Emma
2. Manny
3. Liberty
4. Spinner
5. Snake

No kids, I'm serious, that's it! This season we have no Jimmy, no Paige! (NO PAIGE! UGH! Hon, this is such a problem!) no Toby, obviously no JT (Shut up! He'll be back. I don't care, JT isn't dead!) This is like ER level exodus. Anyway, that being said, the new already established characters, ie, Anya, Holly J, Mia, Danny, Sav, I like them. I do. Also Darcy? She's still at Degrassi, it's kind of amazing that she manages to go to Degrassi and West Beverly at the same time! I know crazy right? Anyway, they're all good, and I'm happy to see them back, I am sad to see no Ellie and no Marco. I love Ellie and Marco. They're the best ever. The episode focused on Mia, (Good choice since she is intimately connected to the original cast.) and her quest to be a model. The story line was Degrassi-heavy. Mia makes the mistake of sleeping with a booker to get a job, falls into the glamorous Toronto modeling world. (Yeah, I know, it's a leap of faith) and forgets little things like, oh, her daughter, and her school, and her blossoming romance with Danny (Major ick factor, what with Mia being JT's girlfriend, and Danny being Liberty's brother, I'm just saying!) and then learns her lesson before its too too late, but not before selling her soul to Holly J.

The B story focused on the new new characters. Darcy's little sister Claire is now at Degrassi, still wearing her private school uniform (weird) and in the gifted program, with Snake's conveniently existing nephew uh, let's call him Toby? and this badass smart sensitive skater guy who we'll call um, Sean? and Sav's smart but sorta skanky little sister, let's go with Manny? Anyway, Sean and Claire are all awkwardy grade 9 flrity with each other, but she's also sort of getting her weird smart girl flirt on with Snake's nephew. So looks like we've got ourselves a new Degrassi love triangle...It won't be MannyCraigAshley, but nothing ever will be. Ever again. And we all just have to live with it.

The third story line (Oh yes 3 stories in one hour long episode!) was Emma, Manny and Liberty starting at Smithdale. Manny and Liberty make new friends, and Manny's introducing herself as Mauela...Emma freaks out! Why can't they just be three best friends and not meet new people! Emma hates change, in case we haven't observed this over the past twenty million episodes. Anyway, she changes their housing and now they live with a boy, DRAMA! Emma and boy befriend each other. Too bad for him once Sean gets home from Iraq, he's done.

All in all it was a fine episode, I just don't know what I'm going to do without Marco. I love Marco! Anyway, as long as Emma and Manny are around it'll be fine!

How'd I miss this?

OK, so I don't know how in the hell I missed out on Smallville for all these years? I mean, I was resistant to it, I thought it was kind of a stupid concept, and my feelings on Superman (Ehhh, not as good as Batman, yes Jen, I KNOW you like Superman better) and my hesitancy to accept the legitimacy of The WB probably had something to do with it. But this weekend I watched season 1 and some of season 2 Surfthechannel.com (my new favorite thing ever) and I can't believe I was never into this before. I mean, for the love of God, it combines superheroes and teen dramas the two cornerstones of my nerdness.

Long story short I plan to catch up as fast as possible and at the very least indulge in season 8 once I'm there.

Because you know, I need another show to be addicted to. Clearly.

And on that note, shall we discuss this season's DWTS?

Lance Bass has been a raging disappointment, although him dancing the Paso to "I kissed a girl" was hilarious. You know because he's a homo.

I love Cody Linely and he and Julianne are just plain adorable together, all sweet and fresh and blonde. Their rumba was one of the first non boring non creepy ones I've seen on the show.

Toni Braxton and Brooke Burke are also great, Kim Kardashian was awful, but she and Mark looked hot together, it's a shame she's gone.

So yeah, that's that.

JJ Abrams is a liar!!

So I just watched this week's episode of Fringe...aside from Josh in his underwear again...mmmm...there's something that's annoying me. In an interview JJ Abrams said what he was excited about with Fringe was that there wasn't going to be a lot of "WTF is going on here?" moments. There wouldn't be any numbers, or polar bears, or "Who are the bad guys?" and "Who are the good guys?" happening. No, it was going to be more straightforward, with your questions getting answers. Well JJ, I've got some questions for you.

1. If Walter and Peter can read each other's minds, why isn't Peter aware of it?
2. Who's the bald guy? And to make this clear not the bald black guy who's Olivia's boss, but the weird bald white guy we just met in this episode?
3. How is Olivia's dead partner standing in her kitchen at the end of the episode?
4. What does that strange company want with Olivia?
5. Who is Peter hiding from?
6. What did Walter do to make Peter hate him so much?
7. Who's side is the bald black guy on? The evil corporation.
   

So yeah...that's all I'm saying those are questions...JJ Abrams, you're a liar!

Another Side

It's rare that I can make an obvious connection between Heroes and Gossip Girl, but this week I did.

Both shows announced in these episodes one of their major intentions, to explore the humanity of those who we thought had little to none left, and to see a different side to those that we thought were good.

Both episodes gave us huge leaps into the humanity of the "evil" characters, whether it's socially evil (Chuck) or actually evil (Sylar) Dan wanted to get outside his comfort level and decided how better to do this than hang with Chuck and it turns out that Chuck's real mom died in childbirth, and that's why Bart resents him and why Chuck hates himself so much. Oh how easily this is explained. What's left of Sylar's humanity is exploited by Angela Petrelli, his birth mom? I'm still confused on that, but I have a feeling that she's telling the truth, and the company made her give him up because his natural power is latent. Anyway, he and Bennett are partners now, and Bennett's none to happy about it...you know given Claire's recent trauma and all. But Angela insists, and he understands as the episode goes on that having a sociopathic multi powered partner is totally beneficial. Anyway, in the "Next Week on Heroes" thing, we saw Peter in the future going to see Sylar who was baking and playing with Mr. Muggles wearing those glasses he wore before he went all evil, saying, "If I knew you were coming, bro, I'd have made more." That's going to be fun.

Also we saw completely different sides to characters we thought we knew well. We're finally seeing as Chuck calls it "The Real Serena." This is the Serena that Cecily Von Zeislinger created, she social climbs without trying or thinking and leaves everyone in her dust without a moment of scheming completely unaware that her actions are hurting others (Others read: Blair) It should be fun to see what Schwartz and Co do with that. As far as Heroes is concerned we totally got a new view of Claire. Yes, Claire often does her own thing, and defies the borders given her, but she takes things to a new level here, stealing her father's company paper work and going after the level 5 escapees on her own, much to the chagrin of her moms.

Oh right and did anyone else know that the Style Network has a ripoff of The Soup with Topanga in the hosting spot? It's called "The Dish." I will watch and report.

"We are Starting Over": Grey's Anatomy

It seems that Shondra Rhimes took her season premiere as an opportunity to apologize to us for last season.

It was sweet of her, really because last season needed serious apology! We begin on one of Merideth's crazy dreams. She's dreaming that Derek dies. Then we're at the hospital and everyone is sitting waiting for the rankings of teaching hospitals. Seattle Grace has fallen to twelve. This throws everyone and enrages the chief.

Lexi's crush on George has exploded. He's oblivious, because, well, he's George. Merideth wants to ask Derek to move in. She won't shut up about it. Christina is annoyed. Derek says he'll move in but when Merideth changes her mind, he's like "Fine, I don't want to push you." Izzie is thrilled that Alex is now sensitive and nice. She confides this in Merideth who then teases Alex about it, who then snaps at Izzie about it. Rose is being an uber bitch to Derek, not that he doesn't deserve it. Callie and Hahn decide to be lesbos. Sloane is a pig. The chief feels like he's coddling Merideth and Lexi to make it up to their father. Um there we are.

The plot of the episode? Three super rich couples two limos crashed. The wives in one, husbands in the other, Bernadette Peters is one of the wives. She can't move her face anymore, Bernadette, not the character. There's something about an affair and blah blah blah.

The crucial moment comes in the last five minutes, when the chief gathers everyone and lets them know in no uncertain terms that they will be the best again. It's time to get back down to business.

YES! This to me was the apology. It was Shondra way of saying, "We're back, we're sorry, we promise to do better by you!"

I'm giving them two more episodes if they don't get really for me in that time. Sorry kids, grace period is OVER, I'm watching The Office in real time. Think of that every other show out there when you decide to give your best character their own series!

It always comes back to the Duck

Today I will focus on one line from Fringe.

"I told you, it always comes back to the duck!"

I giggled. For quite a bit. Of course it comes back to the duck. Because it comes back to Peter, who you know, is Josh. Who's you know a Duck.

Oh right, there are people who don't understand this.

I love The Mighty Ducks...the movies not the hockey team. Joshua Jackson, Ducks, Fringe. I don't know, I thought it was funny.

The Second Coming: Heroes

I have just begun to process the Heroes two part season premiere. First of all, we get to see Future Peter again...and ahh, Milo + Scar. MMM.

Part I:

So, Claire's super evil in the future, that's kind of awesome. She's pointing a gun at Future Peter's face. They're both wearing leather and we get a ton of that awesome Claire and Peter creepy sexual tension that I totally missed last season. It's awesome. Claire tells Peter she's sorry, and she's always loved him, he stops time before the bullet hits, stares at her all creepy and takes her gun. Then he teleports. Future Claire looks around baffled. Can we start out with the WTF factor? I mean, we all know that that creepy Peter/Claire vibe is because of the creepiness of Milo and Hayden, alright? But seriously, she's his niece! And sixteen! It's gross! That being said, Hayden looks damn sexy in leather. Why is it that in post apocalyptic futures people are always wearing leather? Moving on.

Cut to the present day. We see Peter, Parkman and Nathan...giving Nathan's big reveal of the powers. We see future Peter pull on a coat and baseball cap and...WAIT! Future Peter is the shooter?? OMG! He runs away from Present Peter and Parkman. Claire watches from home, and immediately calls Peter, saying that she should be there, she can help! Peter instructs her to stay put and he'll call her as soon as they know something. Claire's kinda flipped out, goes up to her bedroom and who's waiting for her, Sylar!! AHHH! Scary. Sylar is all creepy and cryptic and they have a really killer fight. Good for Claire, holding her own against him.

Next we see Hiro, who's chillin, messing around with time (forward a half hour, back a half hour) in a big fancy office. Ando comes in and they banter. Oh how I missed Hiro and Ando bantering! Hiro admits that he's bored and wants to be on a quest again. Ando's like, dude you're rich deal! Then a guy shows up with a DVD, a message that Hiro's father left him before he died. Sulu warns Hiro not to open his safe, his destiny is to be a sentinel! Hiro's like, screw that, and opens the safe while Ando goes, "No, stop!" in the safe is another DVD and an envelope. "I told you not to open the safe!" says Sulu, "But since you did don't let anyone get this formula (?) because in the wrong hands it could be devastating." As this happens, it gets swiped from Hiro's hand by a red and white blur. He freezes time and goes after the blur. It's a pretty blonde girl who's confused by him. They banter a bit, she punches him in the face and takes off. Hiro has his quest!

Maya is chilling in Mohinder's dingy Brooklyn apartment, scared of her own shadow. Mohinder comes in and says he put Molly on a plane. A plane to where? What's going on? Where'd they send Molly? Anyway, we see Mohinder and Maya have some sexual tension (I called it! I SOOO called it!) Maya begs Mohinder to take her power away, and he's like, I can't do that. She gets upset, starts to release her evil blackness or whatever the hell her power is, then calms down and Mohinder's all "How'd you do that?" and she's all, "I just did," shrug. Mohinder realizes that the powers are in the adrenal gland and that by using a powered person's adrenal fluid you can get powers too! I am impressed by the sciencey words, but nervous about the implications of this, also I don't like Mohinder being power hungry. I like meek little bookish Mohinder who needs Nikki or Sylar to do his dirty work.

Parkman finds Peter in a closet holding a gun. He suspects Peter may know something about the shooting. Parkman tries to read Peter's mind, Peter does that cool weird Static thing, remember that from season 1, morphs his face, he's got a scar! It's FUTURE PETER? But where's present Peter? CONFUSION! Peter makes Parkman disappear. Nathan gets up and walks out of the hospital and goes to a church and says that he now knows he has to do God's bidding. It's all kind of eerie and awesome. He collapses and Peter catches him, and carries him, we assume back to the hospital.

Sylar succeeds in his attack on Claire. He splits her skull as always, and is inspecting her brain, Claire's awake for this, and it's a completely frightening scene. Although I did enjoy the dialog, especially:

Claire: Are you going to eat it?
Sylar: Eat your brain? Claire, that's disgusting!

Hahahaha! Remember when we all thought Sylar ate brains, how silly we were! Sylar figures out how the healing works, and heals from where Claire stabbed him. Yeah. She stabbed him. I think we're going to get lots of "Claire's really bad ass" moments this season. He gives her back her scalp and it heals up. Claire's mom comes and Claire tells her what happened. Wait, Claire can't feel pain anymore, am I still human?

And speaking of Nikki...She's up to her old tricks...or so we think. Ali Larter in a corset talking to a governor about Nathan. They say that "he's their guy." Yeah, we all know about you and Nathan, Nikki, thanks!

Hiro goes into the future to see what happens if he doesn't get the formula back. Ando with powers kills him! AHH! Ando asks what he saw, he says never mind...We know how Ando gets his powers now, which is exciting.

Nathan returns to his room and Peter and Mrs. Petrelli visit him. After they walk outside and Mama Petrelli asks "Who are you and what have you done with Peter?" Future Peter is startled that she knows him. She laughs and reminds him that he inherited his first power, his prophetic dreams, from her. YAY! We know what Mama Petrelli's power is. Peter assures her that present Peter is someplace safe. Cut to level 5, where some ugly bald guy is banging on glass shouting, "HEY! I'm Peter Petrelli! Let me out!" Back in Nathan's room, he has a visitor. LINDERMAN??? But didn't he die?

Part one ends with Parkman walking around the desert, Mohinder injecting himself on some pier staring at the same picture while the Mohinder voice over read "The Second Coming" by Yeats...which is freaky, since we just did that poem in Modern Brit lit. Anyway, after injecting himself, Mohinder passes out. Uh oh!

Part Two:

Mohinder is woken up by three guys trying to mug him. One holding a gun to his head. He snaps up and bends the gun barrel. Mohinder has super strength. COOLSIES! He runs off into the night.

Parkman wakes up hearing a voice telling him that the plants store water. He looks up and sees a turtle. We assume this means that Parkman can now commune with Animals. We assume wrong. When he thanks the turtle a weird African dude asks "Why are you talking to a turtle?" They converse and he reveals that he can paint the future and that Parkman is supposed to be on a spirit walk.

Nathan and Linderman strategize. And then Nikki comes in and offers him a senate seat. And he's all, "Nikki, remember when we did it?" and she's all, "My name is Tracy!" After she leaves Linderman assures her that she's not Nikki, but he should consider this whole senator thing. Peter comes at some point and tells Nathan everything and asks for his forgiveness. Nathan gives it.

Peter goes to see Claire, who was standing in front of Train, trying to feel human again. They chat, and she begs him to teach her how to defend herself. He says no, he can't and disappears. Claire gets broody.

Maya comes to check on Mohinder and finds him on the ceiling meditating. He explains to her that his senses are heightened, that he's never felt like this before. Then he climbs up the wall. Apparently Mohinder turned himself in Spiderman, which is cool I guess. Then he and Maya do it. Oh right, and he was shirtless this whole time. Mmm, Mohinder's got abs dude!

We get confirmation that Tracy lady is not Nikki, because we find out she has Ice Powers.

Elle and Bob are back, they have a fight about Elle letting Sylar get away and about provoking Claire. Bob yells at Elle about her Daddy issues and she runs away angry. Then when she comes back Bob's dead! AH! She runs to level five and sees he's there. They fight and as he's about to take her out, when she has a huge electro burst and knocks him out. All the level 5 dudes escape, including guy who Peter's trapped as.

Later, Mrs. Petrelli tells Elle she's fired. I'm thinking this is a bad idea, but what do I know. Then she talks to Sylar, and tells him she's his mother! He says, this isn't possible, she says but it is! AHH!

Claire is thrilled when her father comes home and he says that he's going after the level 5 guys. Claire says she wants to go with him. He says she can't. She gets broody again, then they give away the big ending...CLAIRE'S REAL MOM IS BACK! YAYS!

Oh right, and Nathan's playing chess with Linderman, and his nurse comes in, and it turns out, oop, Nathan's crazy, Linderman's not really there. That's going to be SUPER FUN!

Yeah, and Hiro and Ando have an adventure in France going after super speed lady. It was kind of boring.

Mohinder waked up all snuggly with Maya and goes into the bathroom. He washes his face and notices his skin is peeling off. EW.

SO there you have it. I tried to capture the awesomeness, I couldn't. It was unbelievably good. Like beyond words good. It should be an amazing season. Plus, uh TWO PETERS!!! YAY!

Emmys!

I love award shows. I really do. The fancy clothes, the self indulgent speeches, the random musical numbers, the forced witty banter. And on that note, this years Emmys did not disappoint. The clothes were mostly good...America Ferrera had a rare and unfortunate misfire. Eva Longoria gets my best dressed, Hayden after that, then Kate Walsh. Tina Fey won 4 Emmys last night! YAY Tina Fey!!!

The 5 hosts, Tom Bergeron, Ryan Suckcrest, Jeff Probst, Howie Mandel and of course Heidi! I have to say the opening bit, Bergeron and William Shatner ripping off Heidi's clothes couldn't have been funnier.

The highlights though.

Obviously anything with the Daily Show guys, both winners. Colbert won for writing Stewart for hosting. Their presentation was funny...not allowed to make any statements, Colbert pulled out a bag of prunes and was talking about how "America needs a prune!" Get it? Then Ricky Gervais demanding that Steve Carrell return his Emmy from last year. "Look at him. Look at his stupid face." President Bartlett addressing the nation once again, urging us to vote and then introducing The President of The Academy. And the best moment of the whole night Josh Groban sings your favorite TV themes.


Like I said, I'm really excited that Tina Fey won all those Emmys, and 30 Rock won even more, but I'm not so thrilled that as a result of this a certain blonde haired um, "actress" who I graduated high school with got loads of face time. ICK.

Anyway, it was a good telecast.

Heroes premiere tonight! YAY!