The Girl On Fire, The Son of Poseidon, The Boy Who Lived and Others

I literally, a minute ago, put down Mocking Jay, the third and final book in The Hunger Games series. I've been completely blown away by the series, it was beautiful, terrifying and addictive. The story of The Hunger Games is that post apolcalyptic North America is separated into 12 districts and led by an autocratic capital, and the nation is called Panem. It's an ancient Roman model, with the Capitol overflowing with riches and the districts, like Roman provinces serving the Capitol in some way. Once a year "tributes" are chosen, two from each district and they enter an arena and fight to death in The Hunger Games, for Panem's entertainment. Katniss Everdeen, the heroine of The Hunger Games, goes off to the games in place of her younger sister Primrose, and inadvertently ignites a rebellion against the Capitol. Along the way she earns the love of her fellow tribute Peeta, which competes with the affection of her long time friend, Gale. There's so much more to it, but I absolutely could not do it justice. Read the books, they are completely worth it.

But allow me to put my reading of The Hunger Games into context. Many people are aware of the pop culture syndrome known as Post Potter depression. That is, people who find their summer's detached and meaningless without a new Harry Potter book to consume. I have proudly staved off this particular disorder, but only barely, and I've done it in a very specific calculated way. Rather than sink under the unbearable thought of losing Harry and friends, I've found myself other series to occupy my mind in the meantime.

The first one was Twilight. While Bella Swann and her hot monster love has about as little to do with The Boy Who Lived as possible, it did the job pretty credibly. I was consumed in who Bella would choose in the end (really? Do I need to get into my opinion on that one again?) almost as much as I wanted to find out if Snape was good or evil. I read all four books in one summer, I certainly didn't feel an empty longing to return to Hogwarts. Even if the finale was a bit of a disappointment, and not just because Bella was stupid and chose wrong, I appreciated what the books had to offer.

After Twilight, came Percy Jackson and The Olympians. Here I found what I really needed, a sometimes bumbling, homicidally brave, young male hero who had to save the world whether he wanted to or not. Plus he went on adventures, had a spunky smarter than him girl sidekick, and a hapless boy sidekick. He had rivals who turned out to be important allies, and parentage that isolated him from the rest of his friends. I actually had to wait a little bit for these ones, because the final book, The Last Olympian didn't come out until after I'd finished the previous four. AND there's a sequel series, The Heroes of Olympus which is keeping me in enough anticipatory excitement to fill a Hagrid sized void.

Post Percy was stranger. Nothing was showing itself to fill the void. Nothing to keep me from missing my favorite young witches and wizards. I tried James Patterson's Maximum Ride series, not for me. Even Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse Mysteries, which were the basis of True Blood, which I adored didn't do it. But, what? What could possibly fill that hole, besides the endless indecisive whining of the world's most innocuous teenage girl beloved for unknown reasons by two hot immortals, or the epic adventures of teen age demi gods in New York city? Then it came, like a brief flash of glory...

WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1...2...3...4!

Yes, his name was Scott Pilgrim. He was 23, he was dating a high schooler, he met the girl, literally, of his dreams, and had to defeat her 7 evil exes to win her love. Scott, Ramona Flowers, Knives Chau, Kim Pine et al, amused me sufficiently enough. And then this summer approached, and I made the decision, based on all the speculation about the film version, it was going to be The Hunger Games.

Anyway, being the freakish pop culture junky that I am, I imagined a little scene, in which Harry Potter, Bella Swann, Percy Jackson, Scott Pilgrim and Katniss Everdeen all sat down in some kind of hero support group:


Harry: Hello, you all know each other, but let's introduce ourselves anyway. My name is Harry Potter, and my parents were murdered by the most evil wizard of all time. I survived and became a celebrity, but I was raised away from that by my abusive relatives. Once I got to wizard school though, everyone thought I was awesome, and then lots of people died because of me. Next?

Bella: My name is Bella, and I fell in love with this mega hot guy at first sight, and it turned out he was a vampire and he loved me too, except, I don't know why because he is the greatest human to ever live and I am scum. Anyway, then he left me, because why wouldn't he, I'm awful? So, I started hanging out with this other guy, who fell in love with me, and I kinda liked him too, and it turned out that he was a werewolf, and then my boyfriend came back and I was all "See ya!" and I started a war and they both almost died and then I had the vampire's half vampire baby, and I became a vampire and then the werewolf fell in love with my baby, and we all lived happily ever after. Except for that whole, you know, vampire thing.

Percy: My name is Percy, my mom boinked the god of the sea, even though he wasn't supposed to do that anymore, so I was born and monsters were always trying to kill me, and then my mom got kidnapped by Hades and my Latin teacher turned out to be a centaur, and this guy who I thought was nice turned out to be manipulated by the Titan Kronos, and I had to lead a war against the Titans, and meanwhile, my best friend, who's mom Athena hates my dad was all in love with me, and I loved her too, except there was this other girl. That's not important, anyway, we won, but I still have to fight monsters a lot, and it sucks.

Scott: Hi, my name is Scott Pilgrim, and I'm awesome. I used to be in a band, and...I guess, I don't know, my girlfriend has seven evil exes, but it didn't start that way...I was dating this seventeen year old Chinese Girl, because my ex girlfriend became a rock star...but look, I got to use a SWORD, a ninja sword. And there was something about subspace...can we eat now?

Katniss: Um, I'm new, my name is Katniss. I grew up in a district of a totalitarian controlled super city, hunting in the woods with my best friend and singing bird songs with my father. Then my father died, and I had to take care of my little sister. Then she got selected to go to this tournament to the death and I volunteered to take her place, and it turns out the guy who they sent with me has always been secretly in love with me, which it turns out I love him too, except I also love my best friend and I really didn't have time to deal with those issues, because I was too busy trying to stay alive and stuff, and then they started calling me The Girl On Fire or The Mockingjay and I had to lead a rebellion when all I wanted to do was hunt and protect my sister and maybe figure out which guy I liked. And lots of people died and it was ALL MY FAULT.

Harry: I so get that. It's hard when lots of people die because of you. Also when they give you stupid names, like, "The Chosen One" or "The Boy Who Lived."

Bella: Who did you pick? That's the most important part!

Percy: Trying to stay alive when everyone wants to kill you is probably the worst thing ever!

Scott: What? I uh, fell asleep. Does my hair look OK?

And that friends, is how you beat Post Potter depression...

Pop-cabulary

I realized earlier today that when I said used one of my favorite made up words that my friends and I use to describe things in pop culture, or life in a pop culture context. So here's a quick index of some of those words:

Jimandpam- verb When a TV couple isn't even on again off again, simply will they or won't they. Derived from The Office, who went 4 seasons Jimandpamming us all over the place, with Jim and Pam.

Used in a sentence:
"I'm getting fed up with Glee and how they keep jimandpamming Will and Emma."

Entering OTH Territory - verb, meaning when a show leaves behind all pretenses of being grounded in reality, or at all original. Derived from the way One Tree Hill did around the middle of season 2, when Nathan had that dream where he and Lucas switched places.

Used in a sentence:
"When Liz Lemmon dumped Matt Damon on the plane 30 Rock totally entered OTH Territory."

McLaren's - noun, any bar that is located underneath a residence. Derived from the bar where they hang out on How I Met Your Mother, which is located under Ted's apartment.

Used in a sentence:
"Remember when Katie had that apartment in Hoboken and we went to McLaren's?"

Character Separation Disorder (CSD) - noun, A difficult personality disorder in which a pop culture addict cannot separate an actor from the iconic roles they have played. Derived from something that I do frequently, also when my brother suggested that Martin Sheen could get elected president, because people in this country are that stupid and oblivious.

Used in a sentence:
-My favorite part of He's Just Not That Into You is when Rachel Greene marries Holden McNeil. It's so nice that he's not a neurotic paleontologist, and she's not a lesbian.
-The thing is, in that example, you're not suffering from CSD, that's just how lazy the characterization in that movie was.

The Jacob - noun, the third, usually more awesome tip of a love triangle who for some reason the main person in the triangle doesn't choose. Derived from Twilight, and Bella Swann's inexcusable stupidity of choosing Edward Cullen over Jacob Black, particularly in the movie versions, where she is choosing Robert Pattinson over Taylor Lautner and it makes no sense at all what so ever

Used in a sentence:
In this whole forced, QuinnFinnRachel triangle Rachel is totally the Jacob. But in the PuckQuinnFinn triangle, it's Puck and in the FinnRachelJesse triangle, it's Jesse. (Glee works well for this one, because like Twilight, it's protagonists are really stupid and whine a lot.)

Those are a few examples, any others?

For EC's consideration

I'm not quite done tearing New Moon apart just yet. I mean, I pretty much am, but this is something I've been aiming to write for a while, but never got around to.

Movieline posted this little piece about what Edward Cullen could learn from other B-Movie vampires. Me? I'm just talking about those of his kindred, the good vampires. Those who share in his "boo hoo, woe to me who has eternal life," philosophy. That being said, his brothers have some stuff to teach him too. A lot actually.

Bill Compton: True Blood/The Southern Vampire Novels

Lesson for EC: Drinking your beloved's blood is A-OK, so long as she says so.

Bill feeds off of girlfriend Sookie Stackhouse all the time. She's fine and they have a mostly functional relationship. Plus having her blood in his system makes him more attuned to her. He can sense when she's in trouble. For Edward, who sees himself as Bella's protector, that's got to be appealing.

Stefan and Damon Salvatore: The Vampire Diaries

Lesson for EC: As a teenage vampire attending high school, you can socialize and participate in school activities normally. Truly!

Stefan goes to parties, and hangs out with his classmates, he even joined the football team for an episode (then his brother Damon ate the coach, but you know, whatever) He befriends love Elena's buddies, and even makes nice with her ex boyfriend Matt. Even Damon, the evil one, socializes normally in Mystic Falls. He's buddies with the sheriff (he boinked her daughter) and haunts the neighborhood bar. The Cullens could learn a thing or two from the Salvatore brothers, when it comes to interpersonal relations.

Angel: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel

Lesson for EC: You ask before you start climbing in your mortal lady's window, thank you very much.

Granted, like most every vampire but Edward, Angel requires an invitation to enter someone's home, but even once he had unfettered access to Buffy's place, Angel always asked permission to come in. "I'm just trying to be polite." He often explains. Not to mention for all of his skulking and brooding, he never out and out stalks the poor girl. Sure, that time he sat in the sewer and watched her before they met in LA was err, odd, it wasn't a pattern. Get the difference Edward? Angel never stayed up and watched Buffy sleep all night, because really, ew.

Louis: Interview with A Vampire

Lesson for EC: Brooding and guilt will get you nowhere, except lonely talking to a reporter in a hotel room.

Louis became a vampire out of his guilt for the loss of his family. Then he made Claudia into a vampire out of guilt for killing her mother. Then he let Claudia "kill" Lestat out of guilt for turning her into a vampire. Do you get the picture? In the end where did it land him? Alone, in a hotel room telling Christian Slater his life story. Oh and Lestat was TOTALLY stalking him. Quit brooding Eddie not everything bad is your fault.

Lesson from all of them: Lightening up is totally allowed from time to time. Really.

Even Angel and Louis, the broodiest of the broody find time for some fun. Angel likes to listen to Barry Manilow, plus he makes eggs for Cordelia when they solve a case, and Louis goes to the movies. Stefan, as we mentioned plays football, also pool, and he has a best friend named Lexi, who apparently hooked up with Jon Bon Jovi once. Bill unwinds with a nice cold TruBlood at Merlotte's or he plays his Wii, (seriously, apparently vampires love Wii.) How does Edward unwind? He composes melancholy music about Bella or plays chess with Alice. Sorry, not gonna cut it. Even his brothers do better, Jasper and Emmet wrestle with each other in the garage.

Howl at the Moon

So here's the big one for the week! Werewolves haven't ever gotten the glamorous treatment that vampires have in pop culture. They are distinctly less sexy. But they're often times a whole lot more fun. Face it, while vampires have cornered the market on brooding and sexy and all of that, werewolves are more savage, they are literally the animal within. So let's explore that shall we?

Scott Howard: Teen Wolf/Todd Howard: Teen Wolf Too

Played by Michael J. Fox and Jason Bateman respectively, these wolves, like many get their wolfiness from a genetic quirk. While Fox got the better movie, both take into account the hilarity that can come from a teenage boy sprouting lots of body hair, and like a couple of the witches here, it's all just a metaphor for puberty. Plus watching Michael J Fox Dunk is effing hilarious.

Tommy Dawkins: Big Wolf On Campus

Just like Fox and Bateman Tommy found wolfdom more fun than anything. Plus he used it to become a super hero. Or maybe not. I really don't remember details about this show. But I thought it was awesome when I was ten. I do remember one time he time traveled and then ended up back in our time, but because he interfered with something in the 80s The Communists took over. So, he interfered with the past and changed the future, also like Michael J. Fox. Oh, also, Rachel LaFevre was on season 1, and now she plays Victoria in Twilight. So there's that.

Remus Lupin: Harry Potter

Lupin was my favorite character. He was awesome. He was by far the best defense against the dark arts teacher. Probably because you know, he was his subject. I'm still not over the fact that he died. Not at all. Seriosuly. The first time I read Deathly Hallows I cried for like a half an hour. Not joking. Anyway, one of the only traditional werewolves in recent memory, Lupin changes at the full moon, and only at the full moon, also if he doesn't drink his potion he goes crazy and tries to eat Hermione.

Daniel "Oz" Osbourne: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Oz became a werewolf when his little cousin bit his finger. To keep himself and the other Scooby gang members safe he locked himself in the rare book cage in the Sunnydale High library. He started out as a traditional werewolf, but after time focused the powers and could become a wolf at any time. Plus he was in a band.

And finally, you knew it was coming:

Jacob Black: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn

A result of the strange genetic quirk in the Quilieute people, brought about to protect the tribe from vampires, Jacob is a shapeshifting werewolf with lots of angst to go along with it. Granted the angst is less about his wolf state and more about how Bella doesn't love him, but still. Jacob eventually leaves the Quilieute pack behind in Breaking Dawn, because he disagrees with leader Sam Uley's decision that the pack will kill Bella and her unborn half vampire baby, who as it turns out is Jacob's soul mate. (I don't really care for Breaking Dawn. I think it's kind of a stretch) After imprinting on Rennesme, the Cullens accept him as one of their own. (Except Rosalie, because you know, bitch!) and he even forms his own little mini pack with Seth and Leah Clearwater. So that's pretty cool.

OMG LOOKS SO EFFING GOOD!

So I'm finally watching my DVR'd MTV movie awards, and I have to say, it's been a long time since I watched an MTV awards show...I forgot what a joy they are to watch, so silly and out there and enjoyable.

Twilight cleaned up...mostly I would bet because the MTV Movie Awards are fan voted, and Twilight fans are NUTS (I can attest, I am one of them).

I was watching pretty much for the New Moon preview, I'm not going to lie. It did not disappoint. Check it out.



Ok, so that wasn't really it, that was Andy Samberg mocking it, but it was damn funny. The actual trailer was great too.



Damn does Jacob look fine! Anyway, it looks way better than Twilight did, what with all the bright colors and formalwear. LOL, what do you guys think?

The awards were given, Eminem threw a fit (I love the guy's music, really, but he has got to learn to take a joke!) The Ben Stiller tribute was hilarious, I really hope Triumph makes it to The Tonight Show. Denzel presented with his daughter...Miley won best song, I really liked the whole show. Keep it up MTV, keep the fun coming, representing the people's voice!

Top Ten Moms

I haven't done a top ten in a while, and it's mother's day! So, Happy Mother's Day to all Moms. As usual a qualifier, these are my favorite moms, not necessarily the best moms. And they aren't really in any order, just how I thought of them.

10. Kirsten Cohen The OCKirsten wrangles the Cohen Clan with unbelievable ability. She's Supermom, but she isn't perfect (except she really is) she has a drinking problem, and she's a bit of a work-a-holic, but she'd really do anything for her husband Sandy, and her boys Seth and Ryan, and then in the end for her baby daughter. Bonus points: She looks even better next to Julie Cooper, one of the worst moms ever on TV!

9. Esma Cullen The Twilight Saga
Did you really think I'd leave her out? Esme is the foster mother to a brood of teenage vampires, and Bella Swan. She's infinitely patient and compassionate because Stephenie Meyer's version of vampires are amplified versions of their human selves (huh? It makes sense if you read Eclipse) and she was this sweet motherly person apparently. Anyway, she's always up for protecting her "children" and even other peoples, like in Breaking Dawn when she offers to feed Leah and then Leah is a total bitch and refuses to eat vampire food. Yeah, like that. Bonus Points: She's a vampire Grandma...again Breaking Dawn

8. Marie Barone Everybody Loves Raymond
Yes, Marie is overbearing, passive aggressive and manipulative, but its all out of love. This is a mother who loves her family far too much, and also you know is just a little bit nuts. Bonus Points: Food! Marie cooks all the time. All the time. And this is a good thing.

7. Maria VonTrapp The Sound of Music
Maria is another one who just wins the mom contest because she voluntarily becomes a step mom to seven children. She also teaches them how to sing, and makes them play clothes out of curtains. Didn't you always want your mom to do that? Also, when Leisel finds out her boyfreind is a Nazi they sing a lovely little duet where she gives excellent advice. Bonus Points: She apparently has advanced marionette skills. Lei oodle lei oddle lei eeh hoo! (That's a yoddle, if you couldn't tell.)

6/5. Lorelai and Emily Gilmore Gilmore Girls
They share a write up, two very different moms in the same family. Emily is a traditional rich WASP mother, but she really just wants the best for Lorelai which in her mind means, marrying a nice man and wearing Chanel (I never quite got what Lorelai's problem with this definition of happiness was, it sounds fine to me). And Lorelai herself was a fantastic mom to her daughter Rory, and their mother daughter bond is unbelievably important and kind of the point of the show. Bonus Points: They talk fast, really fast, and I talk fast, so I love that.

4/3/2. Juno McGuff/Brenda McGuff/Vanessa Loring Juno
Juno is a little different, she gets her spot for doing what's best for her baby, that is, giving him up, to Vanessa, who wants a baby more than she wants anything, and Brenda, Juno's stepmother (Played by the even more amazing Allison Janney) is the support and bridge between the two other women. Together they bring about one of the most touching mother stories out there. Really, Juno is not expected to be this lovely little movie, and yet that's exactly what it is. Bonus Points: Brenda sews a rubber band into all of Juno's pants so she can still dress like a 16 year old. Vanessa paints the baby's bedroom "cheesecake" and Juno doesn't abort the baby.

1. Irene Nayden: My mom!
Why is my mom number one? Because she's the best mom ever! I love her so much.

Happy mother's day everyone!

Verse

A while ago I did a post where I pit The Twilight Gang against The Buffy Crew...I don't know, today I was looking through the bumper stickers on Facebook and there were so gd many Twilight ones, I couldn't help but make this...

It ended up being too big to submit, but I just feel like people don't even realize what a debt to Whedon the whole Twilight thing owes. ESPECIALLY the Edward/Angel connection...for the love of God they're practically the same character except Angel's way way cooler and totally more badass. And I made this:

This comes almost entirely from a conversation I had with my sister: "He doesn't kill people, he's immortal, and he's sparkly? Does he fly?" "Sort of." "That's not a vampire, that's a fairy!" I just get this feeling that that would be Buffy's reaction to Edward as well.

Maybe this is just my sense of humor, but I think its funny.

I dream of being with you forever

So, the Twilight DVD came out on Saturday. It brought with it my 3rd viewing of the movie itself (Saw it twice in the theater) this time with my dad and my sister. My dad read the books this summer and really liked them. He thought the movie was OK, but he really can't wait for New Moon, because, let's face it, the werewolves are the ones who make this saga what it is. Mary broke her total Twilight boycott, although she did take to shouting "Cedric!" every time Robert Pattenson was on screen. I assume this is payback for the last time she watched Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix and in the scene where Cho is all sad over Cedric I said, "Don't be sad just because your boyfriend became a vampire and moved to Washington!" Mary detests all things Twilight purely on the principal that as a fan of both Harry Potter and Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles people always tell her she will love it. We're a very contrary brood, if people tell us we'll like something, we immediately become averred to it. I was the same way with Twilight at first, only I was told that I would like it because Bella and Edward were like Angel and Buffy (HA! They are so not!) Then when I was commuting into New York and reading more than ever I decided that I would see what all the fuss was about, and fell in love with Jacob. Anyway, this viewing proved that the movie did hold up on multiple viewings...But that's just a happy bonus. I bought the DVD for the bonus features.

Deleted scenes...there's really not a lot there, at least nothing worth really seeing. Some interesting stuff where James and Victoria make out a lot...and I find myself perversely attracted to Cam Gigandget, despite his sketch factor. Maybe it's because he killed Marissa...That might just be it.

The making of documentary was great. The interview with Stephanie Meyer was extremely illuminating, her writing process is a lot like my own, so that was really cool to see. I've never been inspired by a dream, but for me, I get pictures in my head and develop them.

The footage from comicon made me want to strangle some of those girls..."OMG I LOVE EDWARD! SQUEEE!!" I'm just too old for the fangirl thing. I did it, I was so there when I was in high school, but now I'm just like, "BAH, was I that annoying a mere four years ago?" (I was, by the way. A prime example is the time that my friend Ali and I made our siblings come see Aida with us when Adam Pascal was back in it. The sheer force of our squeals when he first takes off his shirt before "The Past is Now Another Land" could have deafened anyone.)

But the real treat is the commentary with Katherine Hardwicke, Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. This guy used to annoy the crap out of me, but now I just want to give him hugs. He doesn't think that he made an effective Edward...or he's at least self depricating. My favorite quote is, "Look at this guy, no one in high school would have liked him. With his stupid little pea coat! My God!" "Well, Rob, no one talks to him." "Yeah, no wonder!" I was peeing myself. He also complained constantly about his plucked eyebrows and how skinny he was, and how he's not at all scary. (I agree with all of these things, but he still pulled off Edward.) And they totally gave Billy Burke (Charlie) his props. I adore his performance in the movie and I can't wait until Breaking Dawn when he'll really get to shine. Oh right, and he's on My Boys, so you know, there's that...even though he plays a character there who I want to go away.

Overall, the DVD is worth it. Summit was very smart and priced it low, I paid $17.99 for mine at Best Buy, and it's the same on Amazon, the Blu-Ray was $24.99. I think it's a good move to keep it within the price range of the target audience. Well done marketting department.

Well, it's got to hold me over until True Blood season 2 starts in the summer...although Buffy season 3 just got put up on Hulu, so that'll do it too.

I just can't wait for New Moon. All Jacob, all the time!

ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME?

OK, so it's bad enough that they've replaced Catherine Hardwicke with the guy who did The Golden Compass for New Moon (BTW, according to anyone who actually read The Golden Compass, I did not, although I did enjoy the film, he butchered it) but now they're talking about replacing Taylor Lautner with Ben Barnes for Jacob!


NOOO!

Taylor Lautner was perfect. And I like Ben Barnes. I do, I mean, Prince Caspian...swoon. But he's not Jacob. And you can't do that. Recasting of a big role rarely works out. Like in Hannibal, I like Julianne Moore, but she's not Jodie Foster. Or Val Kilmer as Batman, yuck. (OK, I actually like Batman Forever, but because of Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey and Nicole Kidman) Whichever Darrin Stevens was second, just not as good. If Ben Barnes wants in on Twilight, he can play Sam or something. Actually Ben Barnes would make a really good Sam, now that I think about it. Or maybe Embry. But not JACOB! You can't give me the perfect Jacob, who btw is actually Native American not British and bizarrely good at accents and then just take him away. Why does Robert effing Pattinson get a free pass? Edward is barely even in New Moon. He's in it as much as Jacob is in Twilight.

And don't even get me started on the Catherine Hardwicke thing. She did an amazing job on Twilight, with next to no budget and tremendous pressure. Not to mention part of what I love about Twilight is the feminine tour de force that it is. Think of Sci Fi/Fantasy/Horror authors who are household names. Guess what? Chances are they AREN'T WOMEN...with the exception of JK Rowling (who had to abbreviate her name because her publisher didn't think that if people knew right away Harry Potter was written by a woman they would buy it) there are very few women who are famous in that genre, and guess who the other two that I can think of are? Stefanie Meyer and Anne Rice. So having a woman direct the movie really meant something, especially to a young woman who has an interest in the entertainment industry. But now it's, "Oh, we can afford a man, so we're going to use him this time." It really puts me off, a lot. Luckily Stephanie said she's got her eye on him. I'm so glad they're letting her be involved. She better keep him from butchering it.

And the wolves better not look cheesy.

What a stupid lamb...

OK, so, I got back from Twilight about an hour ago and I have to say I'm highly impressed. I enjoyed every second of it. And I'll dive right in.

The opening, we see Edward stalking down a deer, as Bella reads the preface to the novel. I'd imagine this would be a pretty scary moment to those who don't know the deal. We see Bella's departure from Phoenix, her arrival in Forks. The Charlie and Bella dynamic is perfect, their careful awkwardness is ideal.

Change but perfectly executed: Bella doesn't cook, they eat in a diner every night. This provides an excellent way into Forks, the people of Forks know Bella, even though she doesn't know them.

Another change, Billy and Jacob drive the truck up, we actually see them before we see the Cullens, as a Jacob fan this pleased me. Bella is immediately at ease when Jacob's around, which is nice to see. I'll get into performances later.

Bella's first day at Forks High and the onslaught of male admirers is done perfectly, especially the way Jessica's motives for friendship with Bella are completely obvious, Mike's paying attention to Bella, Jess swoops in. Angela is more sincere, as is the point. Lauren is left out entirely, which is fine. Jess and Angela introduce the Cullens when Bella inquires after them.

The biology scene is hilarious, and I can imagine confusing to those who don't know the deal. Edward trying to hold his breath and Bella continually smelling herself afraid she has BO is so awkwardly and perfectly executed. As are the rest of their courting scenes. Even when they get together, if you took out the supernatural elements their relationship could simply be between the nice girl and the bad boy. Edward could be Jess Mariano, or James Dean, the point is that Bella should stay away from him, but she can't.

The baseball scene is unbelievable, I always had trouble reading that part, it didn't make sense to me, I couldn't visual the super fast, super athletic vampires. Seeing that scene made it real for me.

And the fight in the ballet studio was beautifully done, it was a nice pay off I'm sure for all the poor boyfriends who are being dragged to watch their girlfriends drool over Edward Cullen.

And then the prom scene. Another change, Bella seems less resistant, not to mention the prom isn't in the Forks High Gym, but whatever. Jacob's appearance and his warning to Bella is more sincere, you get the feeling that in the movie universe, Jacob is already a wolf, he already knows the deal. I could be wrong though. I had a giggle moment that I had to stifle a bit, as Edward walked Bella away from Jacob he mutters, "I leave you alone for 2 minutes and the wolves descend." I actually snorted I was so happy. The glare that Edward and Jacob exchange too, ah, no words. Chills, though definitely chills.

And the twist ending sets up Eclipse as well as New Moon. We saw the birth of a film series.

Now onto the individual performances. Let's start with the smaller parts. The human friends were perfect. It was really a thrill for me to see Anna Kendrick up on the big screen, even if she didn't sing lol. The Cullens were ideal, almost exact, especially Emmet, considering how small his part was he got his playful bearlike attitude across perfectly. I was a little disappointed because Carlisle backstory was cut for time, I understood the cutting but still, I would have liked to have seen it.

Kristen Stewart was unreal. She's going to be a star, and I really hope that Bella doesn't end up pigeon holing her, and that she agrees to the sequels. She was Bella, perfectly incarnate, I was very impressed.

Robert Pattinson was unbelievable. I take back every doubt I had. He was just perfect. He exuded Edward's confident discomfort. Not to mention because I read them all in a chunk the way I did, I forgot that in Twilight Edward is stiffer, more scared. It's not until Eclipse that he relaxes, and lets go and is really himself.

ANND Taylor Lautner. So adorable, wanted to hug him. <3 My Jacob. End of Story.

All in all, I was impressed, happy even. Maybe I'll get back to you all after my second look but I wouldn't count on it. I have a feeling this is always going to be good.

It's TWILIGHT DAY!

Today is going to be entirely dedicated to Twilight! YAY!

I haven't seen the movie yet, I'm going this afternoon, I'll have a full review tomorrow, or later today, but right now, I'm going to do a Versus situation, I like doing these, they're fun, and this is a particularly fun one.

Many people know that I was falsely lured into the world of Twilight by friends who assured me that Bella and Edward's romance resembled Buffy and Angel's. Guess what? It doesn't. This lead to the inevitable fangirl/boy question...if Buffy's Scooby Doo gang went against the Cullens and co, who would win?

First some rules: We are discussing before Bella's transformation into a vampire, after the alliance with the wolves, in Twilight time, after Buffy comes back from the dead more powerful, after Faith joins the group and Willow discovers her powers for the Buffy gang? Are we clear? Good.

So let's start with the obvious:

Buffy would first take Bella out, because well, Bella wants to be a vampire and Buffy knows that this is bad. She wouldn't kill her because Buffy doesn't kill people but she'd knock her out and maybe some sense into her. For her trouble, Buffy would then have to take on Jacob and Edward, you know because they love her. Luckily Edward will be otherwise engaged, I'll get to that in a minute. And she's Buffy, she can handle Jacob (I love him, but I mean, she's Buffy!)

Edward and Angel will be having a brood off. They're going to sit and stare into space, contemplating the danger they've put the women they love in. Edward will read Angel's mind and discover that he too mourns over the fact that he has no immortal soul and he has to walk the world forever denying his nature. Then they will bond. And they can brood and brood and be incredibly sexy. It'll be good.

Back to Buffy and Jacob. Yes, he'd be in wolf form and he'd have Seth and Quil and Embry and Leah and all the others backing him up, but Buffy's fought werewolves, and she'd take care of it. I trust in Buffy, she'd beat them.

Faith gets Alice, let's face it, with the whole psychic thing, there needs to be a Slayer on her. Plus she's got Jasper backing her up, so again, there is need for a slayer. I put Faith on them instead of Buffy because, as the Dark Slayer she's more brutal. Unfortunately, I don't think she could beat them, Faith falls.

Cordelia and Rosalie. Cordelia is useless, but she's pretty. Rosalie refuses to kill people and oh right, she and Cordelia are exactly the same, you know, pretty, shallow, largely useless in a fight but really fun for the plot. So yeah, just give them each a mirror, it'll be fun.

Willow vs. Esme? Maybe...I don't know. Willow's such a powerful witch I almost think she could take them all out at once. Or at least debilitate them.

Carlisle and Giles will sit up in Carlisle's library and talk about old books while everyone else fights. Giles will be fascinated by the Volturi. You know he will!

Oh right...

Then Lestat and Louis swoop in and kill everybody. YAY!

When you can live forever...

OK, first things first, my apologies for going so long without an update. I was swamped with school work, a trip home for a weekend, and my project for the next week.

I'm rereading the Twilight saga in preparations for the movie opening next Friday...OK it started out as rereading Twilight but then, well, I don't know why, I needed to get my Jacob fix, which you don't get nearly enough of him in just Twilight, so I moved on and did New Moon. And then well, New Moon gives you such a cliffhanger, and Eclipse is clearly the epitome of the series (Although I suppose those who are more partial to Edward over Jacob might pick the original, but I think everyone who's read them can agree that it outshines Breaking Dawn but a whole lot!) I'm almost done with it now, where I'll move on to Breaking Dawn, despite my antipathy towards some of the ways Meyer decided to tie up loose ends as well as sooo many ends she didn't tie up. (When the Cullens leave Forks, what's Jacob supposed to do? Wait around for seventy years until they show up again and he can be with Nessie? Or does he go with them? Won't he and Rosalie kill each other? What about Charlie? Won't he get all heartbroken when Bella and Nessie disappear from his life? What about that other half vampire who was totes checking Nessie out even though she's like 5 or whatever, and she and Jacob are soul mates? See how the questions mount?)

That being said, I'm managing my expectations for the movie version, but everytime I see something new from it I get a little more excited. I'm still not sold on Cedric Diggory as Edward, and it seems from the publicity at least that he sneers too much. Edward isn't like that. He's kind and sweet and perfect, and I'm sick of him, which is why despite the saga ending and the convenience of Nessie, I still think Bella should have chosen Jacob. As soon as I saw Kristen Stewart with dark hair I knew she was perfect for Bella. I really loved her in In The Land Of Women and I think she has the right mix of quiet sarcasm and intelligence for the part. Rosalie isn't pretty enough, but who is? (OK in my head I see Julianne Hough, but I do have a gimundo girl crush on her) Emmet and Jasper are perfect and I pray for the sequels so that we get more of them. Emmet is my favorite side character except maybe for Seth Clearwater, and I want him to be represented well. When I said Emmet and Jasper were perfect it was nothing to how perfect the girl they have for Alice is, at least visually, she fits the books description to a T, like Stephanie Meyer dreamed her up. The girl who played Rebecca on Grey's will make a fantastic Esme, especially given her resemblance to Kristen Stewart, it sets up a nice visual that Edward would pick a girl who resembles his "mother." And Carlisle is good too, immensely good looking and kindhearted, he fits, which is as I said before, nice to see.

I kind of love that James is being played by Volchock from The OC. For several reasons,
1. He killed Marissa, and for this I will always be grateful (someday I will go into my deep seeded hatred for Marissa Cooper)
2. He's really really good at being enticingly creepy, that's how he lured Marissa into his sinful slug lifestyle which eventually caused her death. Much like Anne Rice's, Meyer's vampires lure their pray in by being attractive to them.
3. He was on THE OC!

Other side characters I'm psyched for...FRITZY IS PLAYING JESSICA! OK, so anyone who knew me five or six years ago, has had to deal with Camp. (Camp is a severely corny independent film about theater camp that me and my friends were obsessed with!) Fritzy was our absolute favorite character, a quiet freak of a girl who poisened the Queen Bee to steal her role in Company...anyway, I know I'm excited to see her do something high profile, even in as small a role as Jess, I don't know about my fellow Camp-heads. Bella's non vamp friends are all there and just fine, and an added love interest for Charlie is an interesting addition, although unnecessary and kind of clumsy...since it's sort of implied that Charlie and Sue Clearwater hook up in the end. There's someone credited on IMDB as simply "Jacob's friend" and my guess is that it's supposed to be Sam, or maybe Quil or Embry.

Now to my Jacob. True, in Twilight he's minimal, and so the need to cast someone just right is a serious "Just in case!" (If the movie tanks we won't see New Moon, let alone Eclipse and Team Jacob will be devastated by this) But that being said they nailed him. The kid has that sweet face and wide grin that Bella describes as loving. And he was so psyched for it that he grew his hair out. Anyone with that much enthusiasm has my backing! Of course the whole movie could suck and as long as he was good I'd be happy.

That being said, I can't wait to see what direction they take it in. I've already got two dates to see it (Going with Erin at school and then my Dad when I get home) so you'll get my first watch reaction as well as a pretty soon after rewatch. Keep your eyes peeled!

At last!

So, thank God, I finally found someone else in my life who's Team Jacob. Honestly, usually I'm so on with my friends when it comes to pairings, but apparently not when it comes to Twilight, that is until I started talking about it with Erin. Who I should have known would feel the same way. Our conversation went something like this.

Me: Like, this summer, I read all the Twilights.
Erin: Me too!
Me: Oh my God, yay! And I know I'm like totally alone, but I'm so Team Jacob it's sad.
Erin: Oh my God I know! I love Jacob!
Me: I know, by the end of the third book, Edward's just such an asshole!
Erin: I wouldn't go that far, but Jacob is just better! She totally should have chosen Jacob.

Maggie and Beth looked at us like we were crazy, but still. We then discussed the movie which again, at last I have found someone who's looking forward to it! We both also agreed to reread them over Thanksgiving and then discuss further.

Shut up, we're English majors, we read things, then we dissect and discuss. It's just the way out minds work.