A Place Called Home

So this weekend I watched my favorite ever, A Christmas Carol: The Musical, you know with Kelsey Grammer as Scrooge. And one of my favorite elements of it is it exposed the world at large to Jesse Martin as musical theater GOD not just as hard boiled cop guy, but also Jennifer Love Hewitt is in it. I adore Jennifer Love Hewitt, I like she's fantastic. She's beautiful and talented enough for television (She tried the movie star thing, wasn't for her, she's a TV actor.) and I think she's a really good pop singer. So what happened to Jennifer Love Hewitt? I mean, one minute she's about to finally break through and the next she's doing The Ghost Whisperer...yeah, I know. Anyway, after giving it some thought, I realized what it was...

Anne Hathaway happened.

Anne Hathaway is a far more talented much prettier version of Jennifer Love Hewitt. So now, every time a producer gets a part that would suit them both, Jennifer Love Hewitt has to wait until Anne Hathaway says no. Also Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't show her tits, Anne Hathaway does. See where I'm going with this? Anyway, Anne Hathaway stole Jennifer Love Hewitt's career.

Personally I think the Wicked movie would be the perfect comeback vehicle for JLove. She could play Nessa, get a Golden Globe nod for best supporting in a Musical or Comedy and Matthew Fox says in an interview that he's proud of her, and poof, people are buying Party of Five DVDs, and watching I Know What You Did Last Summer on Surfthechannel, it'll be great. It'll be like the late 90s all over again. But better, with high speed internet, and a Wicked movie, and cell phones that fit in your pocket, so even better.

Oh right, and Anne Hathaway can go back to making makeover story movies. She's really good at them.

Points that made the new Muppet Christmas Special the best thing I've seen this Christmas

1. Mayor Bloomberg makes the first celebrity cameo as himself, telling Miss Piggy that New Yorkers are famous for their politeness. Those Muppets and their irony.
   
2. Jesse Martin as the cheeriest damn mailman ever. And singing of course. Only Jesse Martin could sing a song about mail with Muppets and still be sexy. Then again Jesse Martin could sing about his own toe nails and it would be sexy. He has one of the sexiest voices ever.
   
3. Jane Krakowski as the little girl from that movie where The Rock wore a tutu's mom. She really is quite the cutie. The little girl, not Jane Krakowski. Although it was nice to see Jane playing a character besides a self absorbed actress.
   
4. Sam Eagle reminding us all that opening someone else's mail is a federal offense. It was a funny little moment, and a great reminder of the things that make the Muppets great.
   
5. Mob movie parody. Pepe and Rizzo went to see if the mob guys could get the letters to Santa the gang was trying to get mailed, mailed. The two mob bosses then declared, "You can never trust a rat!" and threatened the pair. They ran away. Then the Sweedish chef brought out a shellfish pizza. Yay Sweedish chef!
6. Animal destroys Skeeter's laptop with a club...it was a pun on hits on a web site he'd set up. Muppets love puns almost as much as they love irony
7. Muppet choreography. Always a happy bonus.
   
8. Whoopi driving a cab.
   
9. Uma Thurman as a ditzy ticket agent at JFK, and all the Muppets drooling over her.
10. Pepe and Rizzo having trouble with airline security
11. Nathan Lane as an airline security officer. He wanted a tricycle, he didn't get one. Now he's bitter.
    
12. "It's federal offense to tell jokes in an airport security line!"
13. The Old Balcony guys heckling from a brownstone window.
14. It takes 3 hours to get from New York to the North Pole by plane...fun fact huh?
15. Gonzo and Fozzie duet. They're like the Ringo and George of the Muppets. Totally underrated but possibly the best part.
16. Uncle Vernon as Santa
17. Kermit wishing us a Happy Holidays. There's nothing like Muppets to make Christmas just that much better.
    

God F*cking Bless Us...

Last night while watching A Muppet's Christmas Carol Jen and I started coming up with some ideas for our own version of the Charles Dickens Classic.

An HBO Original Christmas Carol

We came up with a few bits, and I came up with some myself. If anyone has any other suggestions feel free!

Obviously there's Scrooge: Tony Soprano is the obvious choice. I mean, the cheating the killing the whole mob boss thing, he's a good fit.

Marley: Larry David...Come on, Larry's whining combined with those clinking chains, terrifying. Also hilarious.

Bob Cratchet: Say it with me folks LLOYD!!!! Ari's poor put upon assistant has the right amount of cheer and lovable subservience to fit into poor Cratchet's icey cold desk. God knows he's good at putting up with the abuse.

Tiny Tim: Eric Murphy. OK, maybe it's just because of all those little man jokes Ari always makes, but think about it. E would be a welcome relief from all of those perky happy Tiny Tims. A sardonic Tiny Tim who's always on his cell phone, it would work.

Belle (Scrooge's Fiancee in the past): Carrie Bradshaw. After her relationship with Scrooge bites the big one she can make some bad pun about how he loved money more than her. Plus you know, he can criticize her about spending all of her money on shoes.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come: Sookie from True Blood. She has visions. It works. Also she reads minds and is in love with a vampire who could kick Edward Cullen's ass. Not that that has anything to do with A Christmas Carol but I just like saying it.

The Ghost of Christmas Present: Turtle. Mostly cuz he's chubby and round and adorable. Not to mention you know, he's Turtle, he's all about living in the moment.

That's all I've got so far, but I'm totally open to suggestions if you've got 'em!