For EC's consideration

I'm not quite done tearing New Moon apart just yet. I mean, I pretty much am, but this is something I've been aiming to write for a while, but never got around to.

Movieline posted this little piece about what Edward Cullen could learn from other B-Movie vampires. Me? I'm just talking about those of his kindred, the good vampires. Those who share in his "boo hoo, woe to me who has eternal life," philosophy. That being said, his brothers have some stuff to teach him too. A lot actually.

Bill Compton: True Blood/The Southern Vampire Novels

Lesson for EC: Drinking your beloved's blood is A-OK, so long as she says so.

Bill feeds off of girlfriend Sookie Stackhouse all the time. She's fine and they have a mostly functional relationship. Plus having her blood in his system makes him more attuned to her. He can sense when she's in trouble. For Edward, who sees himself as Bella's protector, that's got to be appealing.

Stefan and Damon Salvatore: The Vampire Diaries

Lesson for EC: As a teenage vampire attending high school, you can socialize and participate in school activities normally. Truly!

Stefan goes to parties, and hangs out with his classmates, he even joined the football team for an episode (then his brother Damon ate the coach, but you know, whatever) He befriends love Elena's buddies, and even makes nice with her ex boyfriend Matt. Even Damon, the evil one, socializes normally in Mystic Falls. He's buddies with the sheriff (he boinked her daughter) and haunts the neighborhood bar. The Cullens could learn a thing or two from the Salvatore brothers, when it comes to interpersonal relations.

Angel: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel

Lesson for EC: You ask before you start climbing in your mortal lady's window, thank you very much.

Granted, like most every vampire but Edward, Angel requires an invitation to enter someone's home, but even once he had unfettered access to Buffy's place, Angel always asked permission to come in. "I'm just trying to be polite." He often explains. Not to mention for all of his skulking and brooding, he never out and out stalks the poor girl. Sure, that time he sat in the sewer and watched her before they met in LA was err, odd, it wasn't a pattern. Get the difference Edward? Angel never stayed up and watched Buffy sleep all night, because really, ew.

Louis: Interview with A Vampire

Lesson for EC: Brooding and guilt will get you nowhere, except lonely talking to a reporter in a hotel room.

Louis became a vampire out of his guilt for the loss of his family. Then he made Claudia into a vampire out of guilt for killing her mother. Then he let Claudia "kill" Lestat out of guilt for turning her into a vampire. Do you get the picture? In the end where did it land him? Alone, in a hotel room telling Christian Slater his life story. Oh and Lestat was TOTALLY stalking him. Quit brooding Eddie not everything bad is your fault.

Lesson from all of them: Lightening up is totally allowed from time to time. Really.

Even Angel and Louis, the broodiest of the broody find time for some fun. Angel likes to listen to Barry Manilow, plus he makes eggs for Cordelia when they solve a case, and Louis goes to the movies. Stefan, as we mentioned plays football, also pool, and he has a best friend named Lexi, who apparently hooked up with Jon Bon Jovi once. Bill unwinds with a nice cold TruBlood at Merlotte's or he plays his Wii, (seriously, apparently vampires love Wii.) How does Edward unwind? He composes melancholy music about Bella or plays chess with Alice. Sorry, not gonna cut it. Even his brothers do better, Jasper and Emmet wrestle with each other in the garage.