New Season Awards

OK, so now that I've gotten most of the new seasony stuff whittled down, here are some of the things that I have to say about it, a few "awards" if you will. Not all of them are positive

Best Pilot:

New Girl. Hands down, this show gets the award for best from moment one. I was a little skeptical, because it seemed a little too similar to a certain ignored TBS sitcom with the EXACT SAME PREMISE. (RIP My Boys...I will continue to sing your praises for all time.) But Zooey Deschanel is adorable, the guys are hilarious and really, can any of us really deny that we've been running around for the past two weeks singing, "Who's that girl? It's Jess!"

Best Comeback:

Glee. Let's face the facts, last season Glee was, umm, let's say it was distracted. Distracted is a good word. But it seems to be on it's way back. Who knew that all it would take was a breath of fresh air from Blaine, the return of Shelby Corcoran, and a new villain in the form of a tone deaf Vanessa Lengies, her character is named Sugar, but I'm just gonna call her Roxanne. Also, shifting the musical focus from top 40 regurgitation to interesting renditions of showtunes, classic pop/rock and standards. There have only been two episodes and we've already gotten six Broadway belts (Ding dong the witch is Dead, Hey Big Spender, Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do I can do Better, Somewhere and Something's Coming.)

Biggest Surprise
Ringer. I thought that Ringer was going to be awful. It isn't it's kind of wonderful in that guilty pleasure CW kind of way. Plus it's Buffy and Richard Alpert (Buffy and Lost related CSD is one crazy combo, and guarantees all kind of out there plot twists.)

Biggest Pilot Let Down
Free Agents. I wanted to love Free Agents. I really did. It has a phenomenal cast. I don't love Free Agents. I don't know how I feel about it. That kind of fits in really well with the spirit of that show though.

Biggest Post Pilot Let Down
Pan Am. I loved the pilot for Pan Am...I loved the concept. Mad Men, on a plane, with spies. But episode 2 was a mess. And Christina Ricci needs more attention. Her character is awesome. She's like, Joan Hollaway...but on a plane.

Best Comeback (Showrunner Edition)
Josh Schwartz. OK, so Chuck had a little bit to do with restoring my faith in Josh, but Hart of Dixie pushed it right on over the edge. If the adorable Rachel Bilson vehicle, and the spy comedy of all spy comedies have been where his focus have been, it explains so much of why Gossip Girl has been so sloppy and awful the past few seasons. And so Josh, I forgive you for Blair/Dan and Jenny/Chuck, so long as Zoe Hart sticks around.

So, that's what's happening in my head right now. What about some other thoughts on the new season?

West Side Stor-Glee

OK, so I spent a good chunk of my life and I don't mean recently, I mean in my entire 23 years, analyzing, over thinking and casting and recasting West Side Story. So now that Glee is embracing this, the greatest of all musicals. (Seriously, it's THE BEST MUSICAL EVER)

So, here's my New Directions Casting of West Side Story (regardless of whatever maimed version Murphy, Falchuck and the other guy decided)

Tony: Blaine (the ONLY choice
Maria: Rachel (again)
Riff: Puck
Bernardo: Mike Chang (did you know that in the show Bernardo doesn't sing, but he has to dance like a Mofo?)
Anita: Santana
Action: Artie (I know he's directing the show, but really? Could it be anyone else in that club singing Officer Krupke?)
Rosalia: Mercedes
Anybodys: Tina
Baby John: Kurt
A-Rab: Finn
Graziella: Brittney
Chino: Ok, look there is no clear choice for Chino in New Directions and we're out of boys.
Velma: Quinn
The Shark Girls: The Cheerios
The Jet Boys: The Warblers

So yeah, that's how it should happen.

It probably won't.

Edit By Big Bro Mike: Finn as Riff and a random warbler as A-Rab solves a few problems. It allows Puck to play Bernardo and them you can shift Mike Chang to Chino. There DONE!

What I'm loving so far

So, the new TV season is off and running, even if all the racers aren't in yet. Here's some of the stuff I like so far...

1. The new Sheriff on Sons of Anarchy and his no nonsense dealings with the club, and that dick US Attorney.
   
2. The return of Lea Michelle's bangs.
3. Two Broke Girls. Everything about Two Broke Girls. (Yes, even the horse and the bad puns.)
   
4. The cast of Up All Night, even if the pilot didn't totally rock.
5. That Dharma and Greg toured Charlie Harper's house on the Two and A Half Men premier.
6. Quinn Fabray's Gwen Stefani hair.
7. The impending domination of Fox and then the planet by the Deschanel sisters.
8. The impending domination of all of TV and then the less quirky parts of the planet by the cast of Buffy.
9. Speaking of Buffy, Ringer doesn't suck. So that's kind of cool.
10. Terry O'Quinn's character on Hawaii Five-0 is basically John Locke.
11. This season Robin is going to be chasing Barney, not the other way around.
12. Oh and Victoria is back on How I Met Your Mother. VICTORIA people! This going to be classic Mosby.
13. Finding out that Juice is half black and that the reason why he lied about it is the Sons don't accept black members. (Also, Juice gets a storyline, this almost makes up for the loss of Half-Sack...almost)
    
14. New Directions is putting on West Side Story.
15. Beercules.
16. Vanessa Lengies on Glee. (She can dance to one of Quinn's Donna Summer songs)

So, that's the beginning. After the rest of the week (through Sunday) I'll make another list. Excluding the shows I listed here.

Summer Lovin

So I spent the summer finally watching two shows that I'd been meaning to watch for a while.

Mad Men and Chuck.

You do not get more different than these two shows. Or their leading men.

I have huge crushes on both of them.

Jon Hamm
and Zachary Levi

One, is a lovable dork who I would go on silly dates with and then introduce to my mother.

The other I would be terrified to speak to but would totally let him take me on a conference room table. (Has Don Draper done it on a conference room table? I feel like he has...)

Anyway, so I got two new TV crushes this year. YAY!

Plus both of their erm...side projects are equal deserving of my adoration, such as:




Really? Wouldn't you buy Jon Hamm's John Ham?





And Zach Levi's a GD DISNEY PRINCE! And the best looking one since Aladdin, I might add.

Oh, and um, speaking of people I'm in love with...

Thor comes out on DVD tomorrow....

SIGH....

See SAMCRO Ride

I've decided to recap Sons of Anarchy's season premier last night in the same style as See Spot Run.

OK, not really, but that's what I kept thinking about...

You know:

This is Jax.



See Jax declare that he's leaving SAMCRO?

Declare Jax, declare!

This is Tara.


See Tara make terrible decisions regarding her relationship with Jax?

Make terrible decisions Tara, make terrible decisions!

OK...so it was more complicated than that. In addition to that Opie and Lyla got married and Opie said he couldn't wait to "add to their family" and then Lyla made a guilty face because you know, she had the abortion last season.

We met Tara and Jax's son, Thomas, and we saw Able toddle around and cause some kind of problem.

But really? Can we spend a whole fourth season with Jax brooding and waffling about leaving the club and Tara nagging him about it until Gemma does something to totally manipulate one or both of them so that they have to stay in Charming?

Manipulate Gemma, manipulate!

CSD: Fantasy Edition

I just had a really upsetting bout of my Character Separation Disorder.

I've dove headfirst into George R.R. Martin's A Song Of Ice and Fire series over the past week, and last night and today finally finished out the first season of HBO's adaptation of the books, Game of Thrones.

After shutting off Thrones, I started flipping and found The Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring on Starz.

I was horrified as I watched Ned Stark (Sean Bean) try to steal The Ring from Frodo. HORRIFIED! Of course, here Bean was not playing Lord Eddard Stark of Winterfell, but Boromir of Gondor. And while Ned is you know, the man, and holds honor above everything, (except maybe the life of his teenage daughter...*sigh* Poor Sansa) Boromir is kind of a dick. But still ends up dead before the end of the first book. (Seriously, try playing a character who makes it.)

While the one thing that I've been assured is absolutely true in Martin's fantasy world is that no one is safe, I still find myself continually shocked when characters I love die.

Anyway, other ghosts of fantasy epics past who keep showing up in Westeros?

Osha, a Wildling (indigenous people) who befriends Bran Stark (the cutest little kid on the planet) is played by the same actress who played Nymphadora Tonks in Harry Potter. I do not want to see Osha die a horrible grisly Ice and Fire death, but at least I'll be prepped, having seen her do it before. (That sigh from before, for Poor Sansa, also applies to Poor Teddy Lupin).

It's also confusing to see Sarah Connor (or her TV version at least) running around ordering the death of direwolves and boinking her brother as she plays Queen Cersei. But, hey, at least she has a different hair color, such simple distractions make all the difference when you're suffering from CSD.

Game of Thrones in general is like begging me for a big ol' CSD attack, but I think I managed it pretty well.

E + Sloan TLF

As a follow up to my post about last week's Entourage.

Sloan is moving to New York.

Which I'm interpreting to mean that the show is ending with E moving to New York to be with her.

And again, with the whining, if it's anything else.

Seriously? Look how cute they are. TLF!

I Wanna Be Your Superhero

The time has come, as I always knew, hoped and dreaded that it would.

Entourage has begun it's final season.

Believe it or not, I'm more emotional about this than I was about Harry Potter.

I think it has something to do with the moment of the thing. Harry was an era. Vince and the boys, they're just a moment. A very distinct moment, that is now over.

Last season ended on a low note, even for Entourage. Vince was being arrested for coke posession after Eminem kicked the crap out of him. Sloan had just asked Eric to sign a prenup, Turtle's tequila deal was running away from him, Ari's wife had kicked him out and Drama was, well, Drama.

When we open for season 8, Vince is on his way out of rehab (relieved exhale), Eric and Sloan broke up (again, this story line is boring and they should get married already), Turtle's tequila was actually doing quite well, as was Drama's impending cartoon, Johnny's Bananas. (This is a bizarre flip in Entourage-land, when Turtle and Drama do well, and Vince and Eric don't.) And Ari's wife asked him for a divorce.

As much as I've appreciated the extra time with the boys, I think that the show was given a satisfactory conclusion in season 6, Vince leaving to shoot Ferrari in Italy, Ari getting the agency back on track after the disaster that was Andrew, and Eric choosing to stay in LA with Sloan rather than go to Italy with the boys.

Because for all that Vince gets the attention, Entourage is really the story of the team behind the man. This is Eric and Ari's story.

And if this story ends anywhere but with those two happy with the women they love, Doug Ellin will be receiving many angry letters from me. (Except he probably won't. But I will whine about it, a lot.)

The Star Spangled Man With A Plan

There's something very, very right about the Marvel Studios movies of the last five years. I love Christopher Nolan's Batman Triology, I think they are master films. But somewhere on his quest to create a grim and gritty reality, Chris lost the, well, fun of seeing a guy in tights fight evil.

No fun allowed!

Marvel has yet to lose the fun. Their movies are bright, colorful, fast moving and at that, pretty remarkable bits of film making. Captain America: The First Avenger, directed by Joe Johnston and starring Chris Evans as Cap himself, continues well in this vein.

Evans has proven himself in the action adventure field fairly well. In fact, last year I dubbed him "Comic Book Man," having been the only good thing about The Fantastic 4 movies, and playing sell out Lucas Lee in Scott Pilgrim. But he's perfectly in his element as Captain Steve Rogers. CGI'd down to look like a skinny weakling for the first forty five minutes, Evans still shines through as the Brooklyn kid with a heart of gold who just wants to serve his country.

But then things get fun. The fangirl in me loves the Marvel Studio movies because they do very well on the hottie front! Not to sound like a bad stand up, but sometimes you just need a little eye candy, amirightladies? Now even once he's suped up on Dr. Abraham Erksine's (played to lovable perfection by Stanley Tucci) syrum which turns him into the perfect physical soldier, he's no Chris Hemsworth, but Evans is dreamy in that All American, throw a baseball, drink a beer, backseat of a Chevy kind of way. (As opposed to the Broody Norse God running through the rain kind of way...*sigh*)

Seriously, Sexiest.Thing.Ever.

Captain America ups the hottie ante, though, with Sebastian Stan as Roger's best friend James "Bucky" Barnes, and wait for it...Dominic Cooper as Howard Stark!

Close Second

Yes, that's right, not only is Howard Stark a prominent part of the film, but he's played by the absolutely smoldering Cooper, (who I've been mildly obsessed with since I saw him in The History Boys on Broadway.) If this is a fictional universe where Dominic Cooper is Robert Downey Jr.'s father, I WANT TO LIVE IN THIS UNIVERSE!

But back to the movie. Captain America fights The Red Skull, played by Hugo "Agent Smith" Weaving. Seriously, folks, when he opens his mouth even when he's playing an elf king or in this case a deranged Nazi scientist who's face has been mutated to look like a well, red skull, my CSD kicks into high gear and I immediately expect him to start dodging bullets and asking if he can speak to "Mr. Anderson." But still, he was awesome.

Rounding out the cast were Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K, um I mean Federal Marshal Sam Gerald...OK look, he was playing Colonel Chester Phillips, but really he was doing his Tommy Lee Jones thing, and doing it real well and Hayley Atwell as Agent Peggy Carter. I even almost forgot about that time she went to the fair with Dawson Leary she was so good. (I said almost. This is Dawson's related CSD, the deepest kind)

Of course, like all of these movies, Captain America was a set up. There's an End Game. And that End Game is The Avengers. And that's what's up next. When Steve brought down The Red Skull's plane in the middle of the ocean, his friends searched for him. They found the Tesserae (do I have that right?) but no Steve. He wound up frozen for 70 years, and was awakened in modern New York, by Nick Fury. The credits roll.

But this is Marvel, so you've got to stick around until the very last frame. After the credits we see Steve beating a hanging punching bag, which he then punches right off the ceiling. Fury enters the room and gives Steve a message. "It's time to save the world."

Then we see it in all of it's glory. The trailer for The Avengers, with it's amazing tagline "Some Assembly Required." I was too busy gaping (and I kind of had to pee) to take you through it blow by blow, but it looks fantastic. Plus I got a tingly when I saw Chris Hemsworth as Thor again, so we know that's not a passing thing...

I Open At The Close

There's a quote from Neil Gaiman that I've always loved, that I think pertains so perfectly to the way that the Harry Potter series has touched me, and so many other people in my generation, "I would not be the person I am without the authors who made me what I am -- the special ones, the wise ones, sometimes the ones who got there first. It's not irrelevant, those moments of connection, those places where fiction saves your life. It's the most important thing there is."

We were children, all of us when J.K. Rowling first took us away from our world and drew us into another one entirely. A world where pictures moved and spoke, where broomsticks flew, owls delivered letters, and a small, ignored boy could be the most special person to ever live.

That was over a decade ago. And a full decade ago we saw that world for the first time. When we met the visual interpretations of Harry, Ron, Hermione and all the rest of them.

And now it's over. I mean, it's never over, because as Mr. Gaiman said, we all carry The Wizarding World with us. All of it Quidditch and wandlore, and horcruxes and hallows.

Can you guess that I just got in from seeing the second part of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows? I'm having trouble processing the movie. One of the things that I've always loved about Harry Potter in general is how it borrowed from, well, everything that came before it. The films just as much, if not more so, than the books. And everything about this movie was carefully crafted and borrowed.

The clash of green and red light between Harry and Voldemort, as well as the glowing reappearance of Professor Dumbledore reminded me, in a clear and distinct manner of Star Wars, much as Snape and Narcissa Malfoy's redemption always reminded me of Darth Vader's decision to save his son and soul over his own life.

As Voldemort's forces storm Hogwarts, suddenly I thought of Middle Earth, and Sauron's allies marched towards the riders of Rohan.

But there were other strange parallels that only the pop culture inclined would notice. When Snape demands that the Hogwarts students not aid Harry, I could only think of Alan Rickman demanding that a henchman bring him the detonators. And I thought I could see the glee behind Maggie Smith's eyes as she cast her final spells at Hogwarts.

But the greatest victim of my crowded mind, was The Dark Lord himself. Voldemort is played, after all, by Ralph Fiennes, who I'm pretty sure has never played a good character in his entire career. Or at the very least gave it up some times in the early nineties. Because, really, how do you move past playing the guy who camps on his Warsaw mansion balcony and shoots random Jews in his yard for sport? I'll tell you how, he plays Lord Voldemort. And in one moment in the final movie, he shoots a killing curse at a Death Eater when he's just pissed.

But there's so much more to what Harry Potter means to me than just it's exciting my pop culture sensibilities. As Harry prepared to go to the Forbidden Forest and sacrifice himself, Hermione hugged him and Ron smiled. I thought of Katherine and Jen, and Jenna, and Katie and every other friend I've ever had who knew what was better for me than I did. When Harry spoke to the ghosts of his parents, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, I thought of the adults who guided my way in subtle and unsubtle ways. Of my parents, and teachers, of David, the boss who took a chance on me when no one else would have.

I don't know how to separate criticism of Harry Potter from my own experience. I love this story too much. It's too much a part of me, or at least how I see stories. So it's over now. I'm ready for it to be over, but it keeps going because it's in me, it's in millions of people. So maybe that's all there is to say.

The Girl On Fire, The Son of Poseidon, The Boy Who Lived and Others

I literally, a minute ago, put down Mocking Jay, the third and final book in The Hunger Games series. I've been completely blown away by the series, it was beautiful, terrifying and addictive. The story of The Hunger Games is that post apolcalyptic North America is separated into 12 districts and led by an autocratic capital, and the nation is called Panem. It's an ancient Roman model, with the Capitol overflowing with riches and the districts, like Roman provinces serving the Capitol in some way. Once a year "tributes" are chosen, two from each district and they enter an arena and fight to death in The Hunger Games, for Panem's entertainment. Katniss Everdeen, the heroine of The Hunger Games, goes off to the games in place of her younger sister Primrose, and inadvertently ignites a rebellion against the Capitol. Along the way she earns the love of her fellow tribute Peeta, which competes with the affection of her long time friend, Gale. There's so much more to it, but I absolutely could not do it justice. Read the books, they are completely worth it.

But allow me to put my reading of The Hunger Games into context. Many people are aware of the pop culture syndrome known as Post Potter depression. That is, people who find their summer's detached and meaningless without a new Harry Potter book to consume. I have proudly staved off this particular disorder, but only barely, and I've done it in a very specific calculated way. Rather than sink under the unbearable thought of losing Harry and friends, I've found myself other series to occupy my mind in the meantime.

The first one was Twilight. While Bella Swann and her hot monster love has about as little to do with The Boy Who Lived as possible, it did the job pretty credibly. I was consumed in who Bella would choose in the end (really? Do I need to get into my opinion on that one again?) almost as much as I wanted to find out if Snape was good or evil. I read all four books in one summer, I certainly didn't feel an empty longing to return to Hogwarts. Even if the finale was a bit of a disappointment, and not just because Bella was stupid and chose wrong, I appreciated what the books had to offer.

After Twilight, came Percy Jackson and The Olympians. Here I found what I really needed, a sometimes bumbling, homicidally brave, young male hero who had to save the world whether he wanted to or not. Plus he went on adventures, had a spunky smarter than him girl sidekick, and a hapless boy sidekick. He had rivals who turned out to be important allies, and parentage that isolated him from the rest of his friends. I actually had to wait a little bit for these ones, because the final book, The Last Olympian didn't come out until after I'd finished the previous four. AND there's a sequel series, The Heroes of Olympus which is keeping me in enough anticipatory excitement to fill a Hagrid sized void.

Post Percy was stranger. Nothing was showing itself to fill the void. Nothing to keep me from missing my favorite young witches and wizards. I tried James Patterson's Maximum Ride series, not for me. Even Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse Mysteries, which were the basis of True Blood, which I adored didn't do it. But, what? What could possibly fill that hole, besides the endless indecisive whining of the world's most innocuous teenage girl beloved for unknown reasons by two hot immortals, or the epic adventures of teen age demi gods in New York city? Then it came, like a brief flash of glory...

WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1...2...3...4!

Yes, his name was Scott Pilgrim. He was 23, he was dating a high schooler, he met the girl, literally, of his dreams, and had to defeat her 7 evil exes to win her love. Scott, Ramona Flowers, Knives Chau, Kim Pine et al, amused me sufficiently enough. And then this summer approached, and I made the decision, based on all the speculation about the film version, it was going to be The Hunger Games.

Anyway, being the freakish pop culture junky that I am, I imagined a little scene, in which Harry Potter, Bella Swann, Percy Jackson, Scott Pilgrim and Katniss Everdeen all sat down in some kind of hero support group:


Harry: Hello, you all know each other, but let's introduce ourselves anyway. My name is Harry Potter, and my parents were murdered by the most evil wizard of all time. I survived and became a celebrity, but I was raised away from that by my abusive relatives. Once I got to wizard school though, everyone thought I was awesome, and then lots of people died because of me. Next?

Bella: My name is Bella, and I fell in love with this mega hot guy at first sight, and it turned out he was a vampire and he loved me too, except, I don't know why because he is the greatest human to ever live and I am scum. Anyway, then he left me, because why wouldn't he, I'm awful? So, I started hanging out with this other guy, who fell in love with me, and I kinda liked him too, and it turned out that he was a werewolf, and then my boyfriend came back and I was all "See ya!" and I started a war and they both almost died and then I had the vampire's half vampire baby, and I became a vampire and then the werewolf fell in love with my baby, and we all lived happily ever after. Except for that whole, you know, vampire thing.

Percy: My name is Percy, my mom boinked the god of the sea, even though he wasn't supposed to do that anymore, so I was born and monsters were always trying to kill me, and then my mom got kidnapped by Hades and my Latin teacher turned out to be a centaur, and this guy who I thought was nice turned out to be manipulated by the Titan Kronos, and I had to lead a war against the Titans, and meanwhile, my best friend, who's mom Athena hates my dad was all in love with me, and I loved her too, except there was this other girl. That's not important, anyway, we won, but I still have to fight monsters a lot, and it sucks.

Scott: Hi, my name is Scott Pilgrim, and I'm awesome. I used to be in a band, and...I guess, I don't know, my girlfriend has seven evil exes, but it didn't start that way...I was dating this seventeen year old Chinese Girl, because my ex girlfriend became a rock star...but look, I got to use a SWORD, a ninja sword. And there was something about subspace...can we eat now?

Katniss: Um, I'm new, my name is Katniss. I grew up in a district of a totalitarian controlled super city, hunting in the woods with my best friend and singing bird songs with my father. Then my father died, and I had to take care of my little sister. Then she got selected to go to this tournament to the death and I volunteered to take her place, and it turns out the guy who they sent with me has always been secretly in love with me, which it turns out I love him too, except I also love my best friend and I really didn't have time to deal with those issues, because I was too busy trying to stay alive and stuff, and then they started calling me The Girl On Fire or The Mockingjay and I had to lead a rebellion when all I wanted to do was hunt and protect my sister and maybe figure out which guy I liked. And lots of people died and it was ALL MY FAULT.

Harry: I so get that. It's hard when lots of people die because of you. Also when they give you stupid names, like, "The Chosen One" or "The Boy Who Lived."

Bella: Who did you pick? That's the most important part!

Percy: Trying to stay alive when everyone wants to kill you is probably the worst thing ever!

Scott: What? I uh, fell asleep. Does my hair look OK?

And that friends, is how you beat Post Potter depression...

RIP Big Man

It's been a while since I posted, and I could easily write pages and pages and pages about the unbelievable loss to music that the passing of Clarence Clemons represents.

I nearly burst into tears yesterday, before he even died, because I heard "Edge of Glory" on the radio, and while the song is good, The Big Man's work on it is haunting and gorgeous.

But really, I can't stop thinking about the first time I saw a Springsteen concert and it was just billed, "Bruce Springsteen with special guests The Max Weinberg 7."

I was 13 and I was terrified that Clarence wouldn't be there...and then thrilled when he was.

It's all terribly, terribly sad.

The change was made uptown and the Big Man joined the band
From the coastline to the city all the little pretties raised their hands
I'm gonna sit back right easy and laugh
While Scooter and the Big Man bust this city in half
With a 10th Avenue freeze out.
-10th Avenue Freeze Out - Bruce Springsteen

Summer Music

So I'm graduating on Sunday (terrifying) and I'm kind of focused on that, plus next week my theatre group has it's auditions for The Drowsy Chaperone. (Details Here) So I'm a little busy, but I didn't want to leave the blog unupdated all week, so I've lined up a few guest bloggers.

First up, Mary, my sister, who I have oft referred to as "Rock Star" made a summer playlist to consider. I asked her to do it, because music is her thing, much more than its mine, (if I were to make a summer playlist it wouldn't be so much a playlist as "Play lots of Springsteen, Jimmy Buffett, Beach Boys and country music as loud as possible!") so here's Mary's significantly more nuanced and cool version.

From Mary:

So some of these songs have specific reasons for being included, which I added next to them. The ones with no comments are just on there because they kick ass. Enjoy.

1. Romeo - Sublime. because nothing screams summer quite like sublime
2. You Are a Tourist - Death Cab For Cutie. Their new single. It's going to be on the radio all summer so for those who don't listen to the radio you can feel like you're in the loop. Plus like all Death Cab songs I love it.
3. Desperation Song - carbon leaf
4. Awake My Soul - Mumford and Sons. Cuz a slow song every once in a while is necessary
5. Cult Logic - Miike Snow
6. The Set Up (You Need This) - Reel Big Fish. Because I've never made a summer playlist without at least one reel big fish song
7. Far - Coheed and Cambria. (Editors note: The Greatest Band EVER) Because I've never made ANY playlist without at least one coheed song
8. Casanova, Baby - The Gaslight Anthem. Because they're fun and i want to listen to them all the time
9. Stitch Me Up - fun. Awesome song that I just heard because it's only on the deluxe version of Aim and Ignite
10. Temptation Greets You Like a Naughty Friend - Arctic Monkeys. Because a little british punk never hurt anyone and the random rap in the middle is my favorite part.
11. The City - The Dismemberment Plan
12. Crazy (from The Basement Version) - Gnarls Barkely. Because everybody in the world should hear this amazing acoustic version of the song. And who doesn't love Cee Lo these days?
13. Satellite Mind - Metric
14. Diamonds in The Sky - Steel Train
15. Drumming - Florence and The Machine
16. Long Distance Call - Phoenix
17. Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear
18. Who Watches the Watchmen - The Prize Fighter Inferno. Because I said so.
19. Came Out of a Lady - Rubblebucket. Because every summer playlist needs a song that anybody can dance around to.
20. We Are The Few - Streetlight Manifesto Summer without ska is not summer at all.

Happy Summer Everyone!

Mary Nayden is my sister and is way cooler than I am. She will be among the first people to tell you this.

Making it new

It was kind of a good year for new shows. Not a great one by any means, but there was a decent crop of new shows that made their way to us. And I picked up a few of them, two of which at least aren't coming back next year. (Hellcats we hardly knew ye...) And since I don't exist in a vacuum, where the only things that exist are my television, this blog and myself (I tried that once, it didn't work out), I asked some of my friends and family about what they liked best about that was new this TV season.

First, I'm going to talk about Mr. Sunshine, which did not get renewed, no absolutely no one's surprised. I enjoyed the show, Matthew Perry and Thomas Schlamme's little sitcom worked decently well, and if it had been given a chance to find it's stride I think it could have been really good. I was most excited about it because Perry was writing the show. While Matt had no comedy writing experience, per se, his reason for trying to write was because on Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip, Aaron Sorkin cast him as a comedy writer and he wanted to give it a shot in real life. This got me thinking about other actors that might want to try out jobs that Sorkin once gave them. If Peter Krause hosted Sports Center, I might watch it more often, for example. Many a case of CSD has been caused about Martin Sheen being the president, and hell, perhaps Jesse Eisenberg would make an excellent CEO of Facebook. I do think it's funny that we got ten episodes caused by Matt's CSD about himself.

I wrote a whole post about how much I love Hawaii 5-0, and how I think everyone should watch it. It's nothing compared to my mother. Mom's as big a TV fan as I am, seriously, I come by this completely naturally. And we started watching Hawaii 5-0 for two simple reasons, Scott Caan, and curiosity. Sometimes remakes work, and Caan had already been involved in one that did (Ocean's 11!) plus he'd just had a pretty amazing run on my family's favorite show, Entourage. So we checked out Hawaii 5-0, and it really is fantastic. Remember how Law and Order used to be really awesome? It's like that, but in Hawaii. Also, after seven years, Grace Park managed to unseat Eva Longoria in my mother's mind as the Most Beautiful Woman on Television. If you've ever talked to my mother about Eva Longoria, you know what a really big deal that is.

My sister Mary does not watch as much TV as my mother and I, but she's still into it. When I asked her what she liked that was new this season, she had one answer, and one answer only, "Happy Endings!" Happy Endings is a late season replacement on ABC, about a group of six friends in their late twenties, navigating life in the big city. If it sounds familiar, please note that these friends are in Chicago, not New York, and they hang out in a diner not a coffee house. Also, there's a gay guy and a black guy. So see, it's different than that other show about six friends in their late twenties navigating the big city. When I asked Mary why Happy Endings was her favorite new show, (she still hasn't gotten over the loss of Scrubs. She hasn't loved anything the way she loved Scrubs, it broke her heart) she answered simply, "because, uhhh it's hysterical. Especially the gay guy. He's great...also I love that the girl from Scrubs (Eliza Coupe, and see, Scrubs) is married to a black guy, because on Scrubs she was hooking up with new black intern." You should know, this is because I demanded she expand and she did it on the fly.

Harry's Law might be my new favorite show of the season. I'm not alone by the way, it's also Katherine's favorite. In her words, (which I'm telling you are often the same as mine), "The lawyers work in a shoe store. And Brittany Snow is there. Do I need other reasons to love this show? Oh right, Kathy Bates. It's a wonderful, feel-good, underdog kind of story told in true David E. Kelley fashion and I cannot get enough." Kelley writes fantastic law shows. The Practice was always one of my favorites, and Ally McBeal had uhh...well, it had a really good cast. Harry's Law is following more in Ally McBeal's footsteps, in that it's a funny fish out of water, type show, but it's dealing with bigger issues than the length of Calista Flockhart's skirt and whether or not men and women should use the same bathroom.

Of course, that's just the stuff I was watching, but I do have to say, the fall season looks promising. Much more promising than this one, and this one was pretty good. Anyway, summer's coming, and with summer comes blockbuster movies, HBO, and lots of reading. I'm looking forward to it, aren't you?

Reasons Why You Should Watch Hawaii 5-0 Next Season

It doesn't take a whole lot of outlining for this one. But I will say that 5-0 is one of the best new shows of the year. (I'm going to do a run down of my, and my family and friends favorites sometime in the next two weeks.) So I'm just going to jump into it.

1. Because Scott Caan is one of the funniest men to ever live. And possibly the most underrated of Ocean's 11.

2. Because they employ every Asian actor ever. Seriously. If you've seen someone Asian in a movie or on TV, chances are they have been or will be on 5-0. It's kind of cool for the diversity of TV.

3. James Marsters is the bad guy. He doesn't have the bleached hair, but it's still awesome.

4. For those so inclined, Grace Park.



5. For those otherwise inclined, Alex O'Loughlin


6. In case you missed Lost too much this year, Daniel Dae Kim runs around the jungle sometimes.

7. Larissa Oleynek seems to be sticking around. Which means that Alex Mack is taking down bad guys again. If you were born between 1984 and 1991, you know how seriously awesome that is.

8. Epic guest stars, including Dane Cook, Diddy, Nick Lachey and that girl he's marrying.

9. Jean Smart plays the governor.

10.
11. So far both Billy Walsh and Mrs. Ari have been murderers. I'm waiting for Sloane, Lloyd (being Asian he'll probably get in on the act) and any other recurring but important Entourage characters to show up.

12. More explosions per hour than a Michael Bay movie, and way better writing.

13. The guy that taught Jason Segel how to kill a pig in Sarah Marshall is a recurring guest star. (Seriously, EVERY ASIAN ACTOR EVER!)

Watch the show.

Take to the skys

Smallville ended last night. And since my roommate and I decided to stay in, get drunk and make fun of it. (Neither of us had actually watched the show in about 3 years, but finales get exceptions.)

It was a 2 part finale and we were able to follow pretty well:

Part 1 was an hour long love letter to Smallville stupidity. I love some stupid shows, but Smallville is one of the stupidest of all. It has taken more completely retarded plot elements and elevated them to TV melodrama gold more times than every other teen drama before or since. Why? Because this one has superheros, so you get retarded superhero plots and retarded teen drama plots.

Part 1 featured Lois and Clark's aborted wedding, Clark having conversations with his dead father, Oliver being brainwashed by the remnants of Veritas (Yeah, that's are still around) and Lionel Luthor (who I thought was dead, but sure) reviving a clone of Lex by selling his soul.

Part 2 was way better. In my roommate Steph's words, "Wow, that made up for 3 years of complete sucking." And it really did. By 9:30 Lex was back, had made several speeches on "important men of history," and had relived his Smallville journey, losing his hair to the meteors, getting beaten by his father, baby Gabriel's death, getting bullied at boarding school, meeting Clark, falling in love with Lana, marrying Lana, etc. Plus he had told Clark he needed to save the world to fulfill both of their destinies.

Then Clark headed to The Fortress of Solitude, chatted with Jor-El and relived his Smallville journey, saving Lex, saving Lana from that Tornado (awesome), saving Chloe over and over and over, Saving Lois. He realized he had to embrace his destiny. And then he got the suit.

The suit, let's talk about the suit. First of all, it looked good on Tom Welling, I can't find a picture yet, but I'll update later in the day if I find one. It was way better than the Superman Returns suit, and it worked perfectly.

Anyway, then Clark lifted a plane, smiled at Lois and flew off into space to stop a planet that was hurdling towards earth.

Then came the scare. The picture changed and it became a comics drawing of Superman, and Chloe was holding it, reading it to a small blonde boy. For a second, you thought that the whole series had just been Chloe telling a story to her kid. Horrifying. Then you saw the kid look over at a quiver of toy arrows. (Oh right, did you know that Chloe and Oliver were married? I didn't but they were, so you know, cool, I guess?) That's when we knew the show was "real" Thank God!

The final, final moments took place in the best place possible, The Daily Planet offices. Lois exited Perry White's office while Perry yelled, she talked to Jimmy Olsen (who we can assume is real Jimmy, not you know his secret dead big brother, but was still played by an Ashmore, and I kind of hope he's the other one, because that would be funny.) Then she and Clark bumped into each other and quipped about their upcoming wedding. We saw on TV that Lex had been elected president and then Clark had to go to the roof and fly off to save the world.

And they played the Superman theme and it was over and it was epic.

We got all the iconography and it was epic. Well done Smallville.

The Ultimate Burn

I have this strange feeling that we're all being Punk'd at the moment.

CBS, Warner Brothers and Chuck Lorre have announced that Ashton Kutcher is going to be replacing Charlie Sheen on 2 1/2 Men. I don't know how, no details have come out, but I have 3 theories:

1. It will be a Charmed-like scenario. Charlie will be killed off, or sent off or whatever, and we will find out that Alan and Charlie had a here-to-for unknown half brother, played by Ashton shows up. Much like Charlie he is a degenerate man boy.

2. Charlie's gone and to stay in the house Alan has to rent a room to Ashton. Much like Charlie he is a degenerate man boy.

3. The bizarrely large 2 1/2 Men audience tunes in that Monday night in the fall at 9:30 and we hear the theme music, you know "Men, men, men, men, manly men men..." and then we see Ashton standing in the living room and he looks into the camera and shouts. "Haha American Sitcom audience, you just got Punk'd!"

And then the audience cries like Justin Timberlake.

Classic

Down the Shore Everything's Alright

As summer approaches I keep thinking about all of the stuff that I love about summer. Not being in my college town is a big one, (A place I never HAVE to go back to again, woo hoo!) my show with Tom-Foolery Theatre is another (email tomfoolerytheatre@gmail.com for details!) and the Jersey Shore is another. Now, let me make something clear...something that I've had to make way too clear to people over the past few years. My experience of the Jersey Shore has very little to do with these idiots:

Morons

Although like them, there is a lot of drinking involved. But there is where the similarities end. Let me walk you through what my shore vacation will probably look like, it lasts Sunday-Sunday, usually:

Sunday: Drive down to shore in packed up car with mother. Blare Springsteen. If lucky, use convertible, probably get sunburned because refuse to wear hat. Get "I told you so" from mother, but mostly just funny. Arrive at small, dark house on bayfront, with at least 2 beds to each bedroom. Bite tongue while parents have quasi argument over where to house beer. Drink lots of beer with sister while father or brother cooks hamburgers. Eat hamburgers, stay up late listening to more Springsteen, with possible Jimmy Buffett being rotated in.

Monday: Wake up excruciatingly early to either drive home/take train to NYC for work. Work. go home, or if get out of work early enough for it to be worth it, go back to shore. If go to shore at night, find several of sister's/parent's inebriated friends. Play Kings, watch father's face get more and more red from booze blush.

Tuesday-Thursday: Repeat Monday.

Friday: Repeat Monday-Thursday, but this time, ASK boss for afternoon off so can catch some sun. Make sure I have new Philippa Gregory/Meg Cabot/Jen Lancaster/whatever book for beach reading. Get to house, drink beers, go to beach. Sit on beach for several hours, swim in ocean. House still co ocupied by sister's friends (usually), so new round of kings.

Saturday: Wake up early, eat awesome shore baked goods for breakfast. Sit outside and read at same time as father. Go to beach around noon, tan, swim, read, listen to i-pod. Go home, shower, head to boardwalk, eat pizza and fried food. Come home, drink many beers.

Sunday: Repeat Saturday. Then pack, drive back to Bergen and go to bed.

So, that's the real shore, as I experience it. And since we're hoping to get a house this year, I'll get to experience this again! What are other people looking forward to this summer?

Pop Goes the Prom

Tonight is the most epic night in the history of nights.

That's right, it's Glee's Prom Night episode. I try not to read spoilers, because I love to be surprised but I do know a few things.

Quinn is going to smack Rachel in her pouty little face.

and

JESSE ST JAMES is going to be back.

I won't even get into how much I love Jonathan Groff, (described by my sister Mary as "The Straightest Gay Man Alive") because this post isn't about how Groff has been playing dreamy broody teen boys for almost a decade now while living happily out of the closet, it's about the best proms in the history of pop culture (of which this will surely be one.)

10. Sunnydale Senior Prom, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Why it ranks:
Because of the hellhounds that were unleashed, causing panic. Because it began the Anya/Xander relationship. Because Wesley kissed Cordelia and it was awful, but hilarious. Because Angel came, danced with Buffy and gave her the "one normal high school moment" she had been craving. Because the (at this point) adorable Jonathan presented Buffy with the "class protector" superlative. And it was awesome!

How Glee can beat it:
It can't...move on.

9. The Anti-Prom: Dawson's Creek


Why it ranks:
Because it was the height of Dawson's self righteous, "I'm the nice guy so Joey should love me" phase. Because Jack learned what a douche that guy he was dating was. Because it allowed for "Leary's Fresh Fish" to be shoehorned into the plot ONE LAST TIME before season 3 ended. Because Jen took Henry and they were adorable. Because it was the moment when Joey realized she loved Pacey. Because it finally removed the random and useless Nelly from any and all plot lines in the future.

How Glee can beat it:
Burt Hummel, who makes Mitch Leary look like a father who neglects his kid except when he hits him, so John Whitter, makes sure that Kurt can bring Blaine, thus allowing Brittney to bring Santana, or Brittney and Artie get back together.

8. Manny and Paige Showdown: Degrassi: The Next Generation



Why it ranks:
Because Paige and Manny showed up in the same dress and Paige arranged to have her win prom queen only to humiliate her. Because it was the first time Jimmy was back at Degrassi since he was shot. Because JT and Liberty were still a couple. Because I'm pretty sure Emma still had gonorrhea of the throat. Because Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes were there for no explicable reason (except that they were filming a movie at Degrassi.) Because Downtown Sasquatch played.

How Glee can beat it:
Downtown Sasquatch plays. Except that I think if Jonathan Groff and Jake Epstein are on film together it will rip a hole in the space time continuum, also Aubrey Graham is a little busy. But a kick ass surprise celebrity guest star wouldn't go amiss.

7. "You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you": Pretty in Pink


Why it ranks:
Because it's the only time John Hughes took on the prom, which means it must be the most epic prom of all time. Because after it all, Andie and Blane kiss in the rain by his car. Because Duckie wears a bolo tie.

How Glee can beat it:
Kiss in the rain. Anyone can kiss in the rain.

6. Two proms, one crazier than the last: One Tree Hill



Why it ranks:
Because at one of them, Peyton didn't show because Psycho Derek tied her up in her basement and tortured her with autotuned versions of her own podcasts. Because at the first one, Peyton had painted "whore" on Brooke's dress prompting Brooke to go rescue her from Psycho Derek. Because the second one was in the town that one the "best OTH fans contest." Because at the second one the whole cast dressed up in 70s clothes. Because at the second one Chris Keller was there. Because Haley was pregnant at both proms and no one blinked.

How Glee can beat it:
Terry kidnaps and tortures Emma by throwing dirt on her, and Will saves her. New Directions gets hired to sing at the Dalton prom, thus creating an epic "second prom" scenario for Glee, which I have already discussed is the same show as OTH.

5. "I just wanted her to have the perfect night": Gossip Girl

Why it ranks:
Because Serena and Dan went "as friends" which is always hilarious. Because Nate and Blair broke up amicably, in the first and only case of lower drama making for a better episode in GG history. Because the B storyline was a failed pilot for a spin off about Lily in the 80s. Because Blair was elected prom queen. Because it turned out the whole night was an elaborate manipulation of Chuck's to make sure that Blair had the perfect prom night. (And I cried and cried)

How Glee can beat it:
Rachel does the same for Finn. Or Finn arranged for Jesse to come to bring Rachel so she can have the perfect prom night.

4. "Dad, I'm going to the prom!" "Very funny sweetie!": 10 Things I Hate About You
Why it ranks:
Because Save Ferris and Letters to Cleo performed. Because Bianca punched Joey in the face. Because even though Kat and Patrick get into that fight you know he feels really bad about it. Because Bianca's prom dress is the most epically 90s prom dress ever. (Bright pink satin and her midrift is bared)

How Glee can beat it:
I think they might, because it looks like Quinn is going to punch Rachel in the face. Good for you Glee!

3. Donna Throws up in the bathroom and gets suspended: Beverly Hills 90210

Why it ranks:
Really? I need to lay this one out? OK, um, Because Donna got drunk, threw up in the bathroom, and got suspended. This paved the way for the epic "Donna Martin Graduates!" storyline. And some half assed message about underage drinking.

How Glee can beat it:
Much like Buffy, this one is just too epic and iconic. Nothing Glee does will touch it.

2. "Is that all I am to you Zach? Am I a bet? Am I a F*@#KING bet?": She's All That


Why it ranks:
Because half the student body knew a choreographed dance number. Because rather than bring another girl than the one he loved, Freddie Prinze Jr. brought his little sister (Anna Paquin). Because Paul Walker brings Rachel Leigh Cook to screw with Freddie Prinze Jr. (That is the most 90s sentence ever written.) Because the "cool hot girl" who was no where near as hot as Rachel Leigh Cook wore the second most 90s prom dress ever. Because Usher DJ'd the party.

How Glee can beat it:
Usher.

1. "Is this a party or what? LET'S DANCE!" - Footloose

Why it ranks:



Because of that.

How Glee can beat it:
Finn sings "Footloose." Also maybe Kevin Bacon shows up? I don't know. It's a thought.

So there you have it folks.

Fanboys vs. Fangirls

I'm kind of into gender studies. In case that needed to be said. I'm a XCORE cultural and social feminist, (I espouse the belief that on a political and legal level men and women are equal in this country. There is no more institutionalized sexism, which is cool and all, except for that there are still sexists. Cultural feminism focuses on changing attitudes through cultural shifts to remove sexism.) But one of the big things to look at when it comes to gender studies is the difference between men and women, Mars and Venus and all of that.

While I was trying to write a coherent review of Thor that didn't just go: "And then we saw Chris Hemsworth's abs and it was glorious!" I started thinking about the difference between fangirls, and fanboys.

To the uninitiated, a "fanboy" or "fangirl" is an excessive fan of genre material, usually sci fi or fantasy. Usually, fanboys and fangirls are not exclusive to one franchise, but obsess about many different series. The Stars, Wars and Trek, tend to be exempted, since they're both so extensive, one can be a Star fanboy or girl, because there is so much information to take it.

But there are huge differences between fanboys and fangirls.

Fanboys tend to get obsessive about the minutiae of things. They're details guys. You know, they're the ones who noticed Greedo shooting first, and have written pages and pages and pages about Hayden Christiansen being edited into the end of Return of The Jedi. These are the guys who own The Animatrix on DVD, who tried to piece together every piece of the Lost puzzle. They go to conventions and post on Whedonesque. They collect things.

Fangirls obsess about the big picture stuff. They want to know plot details and are concerned with...you know what, forget it.

OK, here's the deal with fangirls, they want to know who ends up with who. They form "Teams," which are highly cultish groups of fangirls who support one outcome or the other. The most famous of these obviously come from Twilight, and the Team Edward and Team Jacob. But it's not the only one. I know as Lost was wrapping up, several fangirls started splitting into teams, and the same as Harry Potter approached it's finale. (For the record, here are my teams, Jacob, Sawyer/Juliet and Ron/Hermione Harry/Ginny I was also however briefly Neville/Luna.) Fangirls also bring this into things that are non genre, I know that Team Brooke and Team Peyton was a thing for One Tree Hill for a while, and I continually declare myself in the Nerena camp for Gossip Girl (So blonde, so dumb, so perfect!) But for the most part we stick with the genre. We're the girls who couldn't believe that Rachel was going to marry Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight, and were even more shocked when she died. (WHO WILL BRUCE MAKE OUT WITH NOW?) We have tee shirts and chat rooms and everything else.

Also, we really like seeing guys with their shirts off. I'm pretty sure fanboys also enjoy genre boobs, so that's something we have in common. That being said, I know girls who are more fanboy, and boys who are fangirl. I like to think that I'm somewhere in between, but I definitely lean more towards fangirl.

He who is worthy...

Last night I checked out Thor in 3D. Here's the thing...I was going in very skeptical. I love superheroes. I really do. But I really wasn't sure that Thor warranted his own movie. I mean, I get it, they have the list of Avengers that Joss Whedon wants.

Joss wants magic in his comics movies. Also feminism

But really? Did we need a Thor movie? Did we especially need a Thor movie directed by Kenneth Branagh? Somehow I didn't see this working out well.

Something rotten in the state of Marvel.

I will say it when I mean it. I was wrong. This movie was fantastic. I didn't want to punch Natalie Portman in the face, which speaks a lot to how well written her character was, or how Branagh managed to reign her in. Maybe I just didn't know enough about Thor, so I couldn't see how it would work, and how the vision of a guy like Branagh could make it work.

The film begins with Jane Foster (Portman), a brilliant (and mondo hot, this is comics people, its worse than TV with everyone having to be absurdly good looking) astrophysicist on the verge of a huge discovery, racing through the desert with her assistants, Erik Selving (the AWESOME Stellan Skarsgard) and Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings, basically being every Kat Dennings character). They hit a man who appeared from nowhere. A beautiful, beautiful blonde shirtless man...

Sorry, I drifted off. With one, "Where did he come from?" We're transported to the magical realm of Asgard, and get regaled with Anthony Hopkins telling us about some war that the viking gods once fought against the Frost Giants? Then we meet Thor, his brother Loki, and their warrior friends who decide to go after the Frost Giants themselves, after Asgard is attacked.

After they get back is when I realized that Branagh was the man for the job. After his father Odin expells Thor from Asgard, and Loki finds out he's actually a Frost Giant and goes mega evil, that half of the movie basically becomes about Loki's epic power grab for the throne of Asgard, and Thor and friends trying to stop him. This is subject matter that works for Branagh, since he's a Shakespeare guy.

"Once more into the breach dear friends..."

The other half of the movie consists of Thor wandering around the New Mexico desert being baffled by modern conveniences and helping Jane take the next step in her research.

Also there's a scene where he runs around in the rain looking like this.

Throw in some S.H.E.I.L.D agents, a few throwaway one liners reminding us that the Marvel Film universe is alive and well, like when Loki sends down a destroyer after Thor, the S.H.E.I.L.D agents ask, "Is that one of Stark's?" and another says, "I don't know, he doesn't keep me up to speed." and when S.H.E.I.L.D. agents show up for the first time Erik gets worried, "I knew a scientist once, an expert in Gamma radiation. S.H.E.I.L.D. showed up and he was never heard from again." Don't forget to stay for the credits when we see the ultimate uniting.

The 3D was good, the movie was enjoyable and I'm looking forward the The Avengers. Overall I recommend the experience. It wasn't anywhere as strong as the Ironman movies, but it was definitely on the level with The Incredible Hulk. (The good Edward Norton one). Also there were trailers for Captain America: The First Avenger, Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, and Green Lantern. It's going to be a really good movie season guys!

The Broadway Villain

OK, so I've been thinking about Broadway a lot lately, and the things that make it up. For people who don't know a lot about musical theater, I have a little secret to tell you, musical theater is an incredibly depressing medium. No really! We just distract you with splashy production numbers, and love ballads and tap dancing and sequins. Those classic musicals that you make fun of? Really, really dark.

And as in other iconic genre based forms of story telling, the villains are often the most interesting characters. Comic book villains are always the exciting part of waiting for the next part. (We know Batman is going to be there, but who's he going to fight?) And the dark and scary bad guys of the Disney universes have their own armies of fans. My male cousins all spent large chunks of their childhood pretending to be Captain Hook, and my little sister thought that Scar and hyenas were the best part of The Lion King. (She would be wrong, because the best part of The Lion King is the obvious political statement they were making by having a gay interspecies couple adopt that cute little lion) But this is often especially true in musicals, because villains get these really awesome songs where they explore their inner turmoil or reveal their evil plans or whatever. And sometimes, the villain is the main point of the whole thing, like in The Phantom of The Opera, or Wicked. So, here are 5 of the coolest best musical theater villains, who bring about the neatest plot stuff in their shows.

5. Judd Fry from Oklahoma:

Let me let you in on another musical theater secret, that you might not have picked up on if you've only seen the Hollywood movie versions of these shows. Rodgers and Hammerstein shows are depressing as shit. They start off as perky little romps and then quickly spin into dark twisty messes that deal with horrible themes. Like in The Sound of Music, when Leisel finds out her boyfriend is a Nazi, or Carousel which is about a guy who beats his wife and then dies and feels bad about it from heaven, or South Pacific which is about a racist nurse who's in love with an Imperialist French douchebag. Anyway, this is most obvious in their first show, Oklahoma. People who don't know think that Oklahoma is about cowboys and beautiful mornings. Which it is, except that it's REALLY about this one cocky cowboy and a bitchy farm girl who are in love, and the creepy farm hand who wants to rape her. Even darker, that cocky cowboy tries to convince the farm hand, Judd, to kill himself. Nope, really. (I hate everything about Oklahoma!)



Except that I love Hugh Jackman, so I posted this video.

4. Velma Von Tussle from Hairspray
Hairspray is a fantastic musical comedy on many levels in that it is funny, has great songs and dances, deals with a heavy theme (racism and also being heavy), and it has a kick ass some what ambiguous antagonist is Velma Von Tussle. Just a dethroned beauty queen trying to relive her glory days through her dippy daughter Amber, Velma takes stage mom craziness to a new level, buying a TV station to showcase Amber's "talents" except for that it's really about her. Velma is such an awesome villain that Michelle Pfeiffer plays her in the movie, and her song "The Legend of Miss Baltimore Crabs" is so great that when the movie people wanted to replace it with a new song Pfeiffer threatened to walk.

3. Dr. Orin Scrivella DDS and Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors

There are two villains in Little Shop, the sadistic dentist Dr. Scrivella is one of them, the other is the evil man eating plant, Audrey II is the other. Scrivella beats his girlfriend, Audrey and uses laughing gas to get high before performing oral surgery. Here's Steve Martin playing him in the movie.



Audrey II is a smack talking man eating plant, that manipulates hero Seymour into feeding him blood and then eats everyone he loves. And is awesome.



2. Dr. Frank N Furter from The Rocky Horror Show

The song says it all.



1. Inspector Javert from Les Miserables

Javert is possibly one of the greatest antagonists of all time, and not just in theater also in literature, and on film. What's the best thing about Javert is that he's not evil at all. He's in fact doing his duty. Maybe he's a little mentally unstable, since he's spent his entire career chasing this one guy, but if that one guy was a sanctimonious little snot like Jean Valjean you'd get obsessed too. Javert gets three of the BEST moments in Les Mis:

"The Confrontation" between him and Valjean in the middle of Act I:



Stars towards the end of Act I:



And his suicide in Act II:



He's really, really amazing.

Here some runner ups that I couldn't quite come up with enough on the list for:

Society/"The Man"/The War from Hair, Papa Ge from Once on This Island, and Her Past from Sweet Charity.