Pop Goes the Prom

Tonight is the most epic night in the history of nights.

That's right, it's Glee's Prom Night episode. I try not to read spoilers, because I love to be surprised but I do know a few things.

Quinn is going to smack Rachel in her pouty little face.

and

JESSE ST JAMES is going to be back.

I won't even get into how much I love Jonathan Groff, (described by my sister Mary as "The Straightest Gay Man Alive") because this post isn't about how Groff has been playing dreamy broody teen boys for almost a decade now while living happily out of the closet, it's about the best proms in the history of pop culture (of which this will surely be one.)

10. Sunnydale Senior Prom, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Why it ranks:
Because of the hellhounds that were unleashed, causing panic. Because it began the Anya/Xander relationship. Because Wesley kissed Cordelia and it was awful, but hilarious. Because Angel came, danced with Buffy and gave her the "one normal high school moment" she had been craving. Because the (at this point) adorable Jonathan presented Buffy with the "class protector" superlative. And it was awesome!

How Glee can beat it:
It can't...move on.

9. The Anti-Prom: Dawson's Creek


Why it ranks:
Because it was the height of Dawson's self righteous, "I'm the nice guy so Joey should love me" phase. Because Jack learned what a douche that guy he was dating was. Because it allowed for "Leary's Fresh Fish" to be shoehorned into the plot ONE LAST TIME before season 3 ended. Because Jen took Henry and they were adorable. Because it was the moment when Joey realized she loved Pacey. Because it finally removed the random and useless Nelly from any and all plot lines in the future.

How Glee can beat it:
Burt Hummel, who makes Mitch Leary look like a father who neglects his kid except when he hits him, so John Whitter, makes sure that Kurt can bring Blaine, thus allowing Brittney to bring Santana, or Brittney and Artie get back together.

8. Manny and Paige Showdown: Degrassi: The Next Generation



Why it ranks:
Because Paige and Manny showed up in the same dress and Paige arranged to have her win prom queen only to humiliate her. Because it was the first time Jimmy was back at Degrassi since he was shot. Because JT and Liberty were still a couple. Because I'm pretty sure Emma still had gonorrhea of the throat. Because Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes were there for no explicable reason (except that they were filming a movie at Degrassi.) Because Downtown Sasquatch played.

How Glee can beat it:
Downtown Sasquatch plays. Except that I think if Jonathan Groff and Jake Epstein are on film together it will rip a hole in the space time continuum, also Aubrey Graham is a little busy. But a kick ass surprise celebrity guest star wouldn't go amiss.

7. "You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you": Pretty in Pink


Why it ranks:
Because it's the only time John Hughes took on the prom, which means it must be the most epic prom of all time. Because after it all, Andie and Blane kiss in the rain by his car. Because Duckie wears a bolo tie.

How Glee can beat it:
Kiss in the rain. Anyone can kiss in the rain.

6. Two proms, one crazier than the last: One Tree Hill



Why it ranks:
Because at one of them, Peyton didn't show because Psycho Derek tied her up in her basement and tortured her with autotuned versions of her own podcasts. Because at the first one, Peyton had painted "whore" on Brooke's dress prompting Brooke to go rescue her from Psycho Derek. Because the second one was in the town that one the "best OTH fans contest." Because at the second one the whole cast dressed up in 70s clothes. Because at the second one Chris Keller was there. Because Haley was pregnant at both proms and no one blinked.

How Glee can beat it:
Terry kidnaps and tortures Emma by throwing dirt on her, and Will saves her. New Directions gets hired to sing at the Dalton prom, thus creating an epic "second prom" scenario for Glee, which I have already discussed is the same show as OTH.

5. "I just wanted her to have the perfect night": Gossip Girl

Why it ranks:
Because Serena and Dan went "as friends" which is always hilarious. Because Nate and Blair broke up amicably, in the first and only case of lower drama making for a better episode in GG history. Because the B storyline was a failed pilot for a spin off about Lily in the 80s. Because Blair was elected prom queen. Because it turned out the whole night was an elaborate manipulation of Chuck's to make sure that Blair had the perfect prom night. (And I cried and cried)

How Glee can beat it:
Rachel does the same for Finn. Or Finn arranged for Jesse to come to bring Rachel so she can have the perfect prom night.

4. "Dad, I'm going to the prom!" "Very funny sweetie!": 10 Things I Hate About You
Why it ranks:
Because Save Ferris and Letters to Cleo performed. Because Bianca punched Joey in the face. Because even though Kat and Patrick get into that fight you know he feels really bad about it. Because Bianca's prom dress is the most epically 90s prom dress ever. (Bright pink satin and her midrift is bared)

How Glee can beat it:
I think they might, because it looks like Quinn is going to punch Rachel in the face. Good for you Glee!

3. Donna Throws up in the bathroom and gets suspended: Beverly Hills 90210

Why it ranks:
Really? I need to lay this one out? OK, um, Because Donna got drunk, threw up in the bathroom, and got suspended. This paved the way for the epic "Donna Martin Graduates!" storyline. And some half assed message about underage drinking.

How Glee can beat it:
Much like Buffy, this one is just too epic and iconic. Nothing Glee does will touch it.

2. "Is that all I am to you Zach? Am I a bet? Am I a F*@#KING bet?": She's All That


Why it ranks:
Because half the student body knew a choreographed dance number. Because rather than bring another girl than the one he loved, Freddie Prinze Jr. brought his little sister (Anna Paquin). Because Paul Walker brings Rachel Leigh Cook to screw with Freddie Prinze Jr. (That is the most 90s sentence ever written.) Because the "cool hot girl" who was no where near as hot as Rachel Leigh Cook wore the second most 90s prom dress ever. Because Usher DJ'd the party.

How Glee can beat it:
Usher.

1. "Is this a party or what? LET'S DANCE!" - Footloose

Why it ranks:



Because of that.

How Glee can beat it:
Finn sings "Footloose." Also maybe Kevin Bacon shows up? I don't know. It's a thought.

So there you have it folks.

Best and The Worst

So, Glee is over for the year. And here is my list of my ten favorite, and least favorite musical moments from the show this season.

Best:

10. "Highway To Hell" Episode 14: Hell-o

We'd already been introduced to the hilariously dramatic Jesse St. James, played with soulless intensity by Jonathan Groff a few moments before when he sang Lionel Richie's "Hello" with Rachel, but this was the real world's true intro to Groff (this performance matched the intensity of his Spring Awakening stuff) and it actually sort of made me root for him and Rachel to be together, since we'd already been subjected to the awful/awkward version of "Hello I Love You" from Finn in this same episode.

9. "Don't Stand So Close to Me/Young Girl" Episode 10: Ballad

Anytime Mr. Schu gets his performance on it's special. But this particular mash up, which was meant to warn Rachel off of her crush on him, was that perfect mix of energy and charisma. And of course it failed miserably, because if Matthew Morrison sang to you, would you stop having a crush on him?

8. "The Lady Is A Tramp" Episode 18: Laryngitis

OK, so here's the deal. I love Puck. I love everything about him. I love the stupid things he says, I loved his mohawk. But I especially love that for some reason, no one on the show has acknowledged what a superior performer he is to Finn, except for the producers, who gave him this number (Sammy Davis Jr's version, "He was a back Jew, you know.") to help Puck win Mercedes affection. Why? Because we will not rest until Puck has at least made out with every girl in Glee club!

7. "Don't Stop Believing" Episode 1: Pilot

You never forget your first time. While yes, there were other glimmers of greatness in the pilot, it was in this rousing version of everyone's favorite power ballad that I knew I had found my new favorite show. Plus it introduced us to some New Directions choreographic staples, moving lines, walking with purpose...uhh, Artie sitting off to the side and bopping.

6. "Alone" Episode 5: The Rhodes Not Taken

Link Larkin and Galinda are singing a duet! Let me repeat, LINK LARKIN AND GALINDA ARE SINGING A DUET! So there was that. Also, just amazing.

5. "Set Me Free" Episode 7: Throwdown

In an episode full of great musical moments, it also included the pitch perfect ballad "Keep Holding On" (my sister's favorite moment all season) I had to pick Quinn's breakout moment as my favorite. It might just be because I LOVE Quinn, but it really was a great performance.

4. "Dream on" Episode 19: Dream On

NPH, Matt Morrison, Joss Whedon, Aerosmith, a community theatre production of Les Mis. Nothing about this moment was wrong. It was pure Joss, and pure Glee at the same time. (Which just further proves that they are a match created by the TV gods!)

3. "To Sir With Love" Episode 22: Journey

Maybe it's because I love the song. Or maybe it's because it was just lovely, especially compared to the club's winter finale tribute to Mr. Schue, Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You." The moment preceding the actual song, where they all talked about how Glee changed them, who could help from crying.

2. "Dancing With Myself" Episode 9: Wheels

Glee does reclaiming the 80s better than most things, and this song was not an exception. Artie's jazzy aucoustic interpretation of the song, which turned out to be his way of expressing his crush on Tina, was lovely, touching and just perky enough to keep us from doing more than just welling up.

1. "Don't Rain on My Parade" & "You can't always get what you want" Episode 13: Sectionals

For me, this was the definitive Glee moment. While a few months later their regionals performance would also be good, nothing will ever beat New Directions first competitive set, Rachel's exciting run down the aisle (which Lea Michele then repeated at the Tonys this past weekend) and the tears in Will's eyes as Emma held up a cell phone so he could hear his kids was so beautiful.

And now to the worst (some are just awesomely bad, but still)

10. "Run Joey Run" Episode 17: Bad Reputation

OK, so it was supposed to be bad. Rachel's bizarre music video to this terrible song was ridonkulously awful. And that was the point. But I had to mention it, just because after the episode aired, I had the song stuck in my head for 48 hours.

9. "Like A Virgin" Episode 15: The Power of Madonna

The performance was really good, actually I really like the version of the song, and I'm totally on board whenever Santana sings, but I was so uncomfortable during this montage of the shows three virgins, Emma, Rachel and Finn, singing to their possible first times, with Will, Jesse and Santana respectively (Only Finn and Santana actually did the deed) as they all writhed around on beds in era inappropriate nighties that I had to mention the spot.

8. "Hello, I Love You" Episode 14: Hell-o

Again, I don't mind the version of the song, but it was just so heavy handed, the "Gosh Mr. Schu, I guess I can learn something about myself and do my Glee assignment" lead in, Finn singing while dribbling a basketball (Love him but he is not the Zefron) staring at Rachel, Santana and Brittney and then stalking Quinn down the hall. It was weird, and not good.

7. "Bohemian Rhapsody" Episode 22: Journey

I loved the song. I think it was a perfect fit for Jesse and Vocal Adrenaline at Regionals. But doing the WHOLE song? Not necessarily the most time effective idea. And splicing it in with Quinn's labor? Just BAD. Both scenes would have been great on their own, but they did not work together.

6. "No Air" Episode 7: Throwdown

Probably the only time I've been out and out bored during a number on Glee. And the wind blowing Finn and Rachel's hair as they walked down the hallway didn't help matters much.

5. "Pink Houses" Episode 18: Laryngitis

Again, it was kind of supposed to suck, and it was kind of funny. But just no.

4. "Tell Me Something Good" Episode 21: Funk

It was UNCOMFORTABLE and BAD and put pictures in my head that will NOT GO AWAY AND I WISH THEY WOULD!

3. "Poker Face" Episode 20: Theatricality

You have Lea Michele and Idina Menzel staring at eachother and they're singing an acoustic version of Lady Gaga? Really? That's where you went? And who would sing Lady Gaga with their mom? I mean, really?

2. "Last Name" Episode 5: The Rhodes Not Taken

I should have loved this number. It was Kristin Chenoweth singing Carrie Underwood. I should have loved this number. I didn't. Again, it was just awkward.

1. "This is a Man's World" Episode 21: Funk

OK, we get it. Quinn's pregnant. She's a good girl who made a mistake and got pregnant. We get it. Did she have to do pregnant ballet? It was weird. It would have really been enough to have her sing the song. As Artie put it, "This is just, inappropriate."

So, those are mine, anybody have any different opinions?

Top Ten Moms

I haven't done a top ten in a while, and it's mother's day! So, Happy Mother's Day to all Moms. As usual a qualifier, these are my favorite moms, not necessarily the best moms. And they aren't really in any order, just how I thought of them.

10. Kirsten Cohen The OCKirsten wrangles the Cohen Clan with unbelievable ability. She's Supermom, but she isn't perfect (except she really is) she has a drinking problem, and she's a bit of a work-a-holic, but she'd really do anything for her husband Sandy, and her boys Seth and Ryan, and then in the end for her baby daughter. Bonus points: She looks even better next to Julie Cooper, one of the worst moms ever on TV!

9. Esma Cullen The Twilight Saga
Did you really think I'd leave her out? Esme is the foster mother to a brood of teenage vampires, and Bella Swan. She's infinitely patient and compassionate because Stephenie Meyer's version of vampires are amplified versions of their human selves (huh? It makes sense if you read Eclipse) and she was this sweet motherly person apparently. Anyway, she's always up for protecting her "children" and even other peoples, like in Breaking Dawn when she offers to feed Leah and then Leah is a total bitch and refuses to eat vampire food. Yeah, like that. Bonus Points: She's a vampire Grandma...again Breaking Dawn

8. Marie Barone Everybody Loves Raymond
Yes, Marie is overbearing, passive aggressive and manipulative, but its all out of love. This is a mother who loves her family far too much, and also you know is just a little bit nuts. Bonus Points: Food! Marie cooks all the time. All the time. And this is a good thing.

7. Maria VonTrapp The Sound of Music
Maria is another one who just wins the mom contest because she voluntarily becomes a step mom to seven children. She also teaches them how to sing, and makes them play clothes out of curtains. Didn't you always want your mom to do that? Also, when Leisel finds out her boyfreind is a Nazi they sing a lovely little duet where she gives excellent advice. Bonus Points: She apparently has advanced marionette skills. Lei oodle lei oddle lei eeh hoo! (That's a yoddle, if you couldn't tell.)

6/5. Lorelai and Emily Gilmore Gilmore Girls
They share a write up, two very different moms in the same family. Emily is a traditional rich WASP mother, but she really just wants the best for Lorelai which in her mind means, marrying a nice man and wearing Chanel (I never quite got what Lorelai's problem with this definition of happiness was, it sounds fine to me). And Lorelai herself was a fantastic mom to her daughter Rory, and their mother daughter bond is unbelievably important and kind of the point of the show. Bonus Points: They talk fast, really fast, and I talk fast, so I love that.

4/3/2. Juno McGuff/Brenda McGuff/Vanessa Loring Juno
Juno is a little different, she gets her spot for doing what's best for her baby, that is, giving him up, to Vanessa, who wants a baby more than she wants anything, and Brenda, Juno's stepmother (Played by the even more amazing Allison Janney) is the support and bridge between the two other women. Together they bring about one of the most touching mother stories out there. Really, Juno is not expected to be this lovely little movie, and yet that's exactly what it is. Bonus Points: Brenda sews a rubber band into all of Juno's pants so she can still dress like a 16 year old. Vanessa paints the baby's bedroom "cheesecake" and Juno doesn't abort the baby.

1. Irene Nayden: My mom!
Why is my mom number one? Because she's the best mom ever! I love her so much.

Happy mother's day everyone!

Hangin' Out

We all have some variation of them, that place where we hang out with our friends, the place where we don't necessarily need to order, because they just know...they're hang outs! And everyone on TV has one! Or most people do, so here are my top 10 TV hang outs (I was bored today.)

1. Cheers, Cheers: Of course it's number one, where everybody knows your name. Cheers is the epitome of the fictional hang out. It has a colorful crowd, a great backstory (an alcoholic owner) and of course, Norm and Cliff. Bonus Points: Not just a part of the show but the entire basis of the show. Add in an amusing staff, and you've got a great place to hang out.

2. Central Perk, Friends: As someone who spent a lot of time in coffee places, this is the dream one. The closest I have is the place up the street from my apartment. But there's no Gunther there, just that guy who makes my grilled cheeses with swiss even though its not on the menu. Bonus Points: A lead started their life over there and another often performs. And let's face it, that orange couch looks damn comfy.

3. Monk's Coffee Shop, Seinfeld: The coffee shop is a fairly wonderful phenomenon. It seems to have a standard diner menu, and yet Jerry and the gang rarely orders anything but soup or salad. Have you ever had diner soup? It's usually pretty gross. But Elaine's big salad is so funny, it makes it rank. Bonus Points: Unfortunately none, there's just nothing all that special about Monk's, at least not bonus points worthy.

4. Arnold's Drive In, Happy Days: Arnold's gets credit just for its multiple owners and phases. There's season one, where it's like an actual drive in, like without a real inside, then it becomes more of a diner in the next few seasons, owned by Arnold, played by Mr. Myagi. Then it's owned by Al, but still called Arnold's, then The Fonz buys a part of it. It's nice to own the building where your office is. Bonus Points: Burned down and then was rebuilt. As a callback to some of my friends, I continue to love Chachi, despite the carelessness that caused the destruction. Joanie finally agreed to go on a date with him! You'd forget to turn of the grill too!

5. The Peach Pit and The Peach Pit After Dark, Beverly Hills, 90210 and 90210: Nat's Peach Pit and David and Steve's adjacent night club (which passed hands to Valerie, to Noah, to Dylan, to, well it's still there, but I'm not sure who owns it, Nat maybe?) combine the greatness of your classic high school diner with the happiness of a mid nineties rave. The Pit was initially a plot convience, after all, The Walshes are middle class don't-ya-know, and Brandon needed gas money. So all his friends started hanging out there. The end. Bonus Points: Their menu center piece is called a Mega-Burger and Dixon now works there because Nat "hired a kid from West Beverly once. He was a good kid. You remind me of him." Aww, see, I'm not the only one who is reminded of Brandon when I see Dixon!

6. The Dot, Degrassi: The Next Generation: The Dot was the place of so much Degrassi greatness. Like Spinner's job. That time Paige tried to be a waitress. That birthday party Ellie threw for Craig when Ashley dumped him and she was into him and Jimmy was into her (Poor Jimmy, those girls just can't resist the Craig!) Bonus Points: Spinner is now the manager, and dolls out wisdom like, well, Nat at the Peach Pit.

7. The Pie Shop, Ed: OK, so maybe I just put this one on the list because The Pie Shop is actually Beantown, the corner coffee shop in my hometown. But in reality, I loved Ed, it was a brilliant show that died far too soon. Not to mention Actiondale (our ironic nickname for our little town) came alive the two days a week they shot on Allendale Ave. They still have the "Who Wants some pie?" sign up in the window. Bonus Points: They make an excellent frozen hot chocolate (I haven't been there since 8th Grade, what do you want from me?)

8. Chubby's, Boy Meets World: Chubby's, like oh so many of these places was a burger joint. It was here that Cory and Topanga broke up, and made up so many times, that Shawn went on that date with that bitchy girl who wanted to break him and Corey up. And remember the time that Shawn dressed up as a girl to write a story for the school paper and Corey dresed up as a waitress because he felt left out? Also at Chubby's. Bonus Points: When they changed hang outs to the coffee place on campus, Chubby's became a pirate themed restuarant. PIRATES!

9. Crowley's Bar, My Boys: All hale the dive bar! Crowley's is clearly the hang out of the Chicago sports writing elite. OK, maybe not, but PJ and Bobby both cover the Cubs for major papers, so it's up there. Yes, PJ and the guys sometimes go other places (remember when they went to that club with Trouty? Or PJ's apartment? Sometimes Stephanie makes PJ go someplace nice.) but they always end up back at Crowley's usually playing board games. Which leads to...Bonus Points: Crowley's has a board games collection. Including Mouse Trap! Mouse Trap + Beer = Place I want to be!

10. The Hub, That 70s Show: There were two hang outs in Point Place, The Hub and Eric's basement. I went with the hub. Mostly because it is here that my favorite scene in the entire show takes place. When Jackie has the dream sequence that she's slutty Sandy in Grease and Hyde is Danny and they do the "You're The One That I Want" dance. Bonus Points: There are no waiters, you have to go up to the window and get your food yourself.

So that's my top ten, did I miss any? (I know I did, but any that you guys particularly want to add.)

Single People on V-Day

I'm perpetually single. I don't have boyfriends...I never have. This makes me sad quite often. It makes me very sad around this time of the year. Valentines day is an excuse for single people to eat chocolate and drink a bottle of wine and watch movies that squash all thoughts of romance. (What? That's not what I'm doing tomorrow...uh uh! Actually it probably is.) Over the week, my single girl friends and I have been putting together a list of things to watch besides a Sex and The City marathon, and won't make you cry, at least, not about not having a boyfriend or girlfriend.

1. A Hard Day's Night, Help or Yellow Submarine: Forget romance! The Beatles movies don't even have coherent plots. But they are a whole lot of fun and the music is great.

2. Cruel Intentions: Just been dumped? Or don't have anyone at all? At least your boyfriend didn't deflower you in a twisted attempt to have sex with his step sister. Oh right, and naked Ryan Phillipe. Really, that should be enough.

3. Anything produced by but not written by Judd Apatow except Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Initially this was "Anything with Apatow's name on it" but The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up are actually pretty romantic and Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the love story I want to happen to me...mostly because I would do anything for a guy like Jason Segel...but Superbad and Pineapple Express...really they're the perfect V-Day treats! Silliness, guys who you would never ever want to end up with...except Michael Cera, who's just adorable.

4. Zoolander: Just trust Blue Steel...also WHAM! WHAM just makes you happy.

5. Sin City: Really? I need to go on...OK...It's a movie about an unstoppable killer who's avenging the murder of hooker who he loves. Or a crazy lone gun with a mysterious past who's defending the hooker he loves. Or a disgraced cop protecting the stripper who loves him after he saved her from a pedophile when she was a little girl. Not romantic.

6. Anything directed by Quentin Tarantino, especially Pulp Fiction: BLOOD! GORE! F-BOMBS! COCAINE! Not romantic, but awesome.

7. Fight Club: Sure, Chuck Pahdluck claims that Fight Club is the 90s version The Great Gatsby. But really? Tyler/The Narrator and Marla's relationship isn't quite the expansive love of Daisy and Gatsby. In fact its totally secondary to a bunch of guys running around beating the snot out of each other, cutting off people's balls and Meatloaf's man boobs. Also, shirtless Brad Pitt and Edward Norton.

8. Down With Love: So it's actually a really sweet chick flick. But its less about that and more about the clothes...And Ewan McGregor channeling Frank Sinatra. Mm...

9. Uplifting Based on A True Story Sports Films: Rudy, Brian's Song, Remember The Titans, Miracle, any of them.

10. Animal House: Substitute Old School, Accepted or Talladega Nights, if you can't get a hold of the real thing. The point is that there should be farting and lots of it and if possible a food fight.

Things to stay away from: Anything starring Hugh Grant except maybe Mickey Blue Eyes, and that only after a few drinks. Anything based on a novel by Jane Austen or Nicholas Sparks. Say it with me: I will not watch The Notebook, I will not watch A Walk To Remember, I will not fantasize about Mr. Darcy showing up at my house and telling me I'm his soulmate. Disney Princesses are also a bad plan, and classic romances.

So that's my little pop culture Valentine's fix...Hope it helps <3 and if not, this is the quote that always gets me through this darkest of days:

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Yeah...I know I said to resist the Sex and The City pull...but no one knows better how to deal with being single than Carrie.