Pop Goes the Prom

Tonight is the most epic night in the history of nights.

That's right, it's Glee's Prom Night episode. I try not to read spoilers, because I love to be surprised but I do know a few things.

Quinn is going to smack Rachel in her pouty little face.

and

JESSE ST JAMES is going to be back.

I won't even get into how much I love Jonathan Groff, (described by my sister Mary as "The Straightest Gay Man Alive") because this post isn't about how Groff has been playing dreamy broody teen boys for almost a decade now while living happily out of the closet, it's about the best proms in the history of pop culture (of which this will surely be one.)

10. Sunnydale Senior Prom, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Why it ranks:
Because of the hellhounds that were unleashed, causing panic. Because it began the Anya/Xander relationship. Because Wesley kissed Cordelia and it was awful, but hilarious. Because Angel came, danced with Buffy and gave her the "one normal high school moment" she had been craving. Because the (at this point) adorable Jonathan presented Buffy with the "class protector" superlative. And it was awesome!

How Glee can beat it:
It can't...move on.

9. The Anti-Prom: Dawson's Creek


Why it ranks:
Because it was the height of Dawson's self righteous, "I'm the nice guy so Joey should love me" phase. Because Jack learned what a douche that guy he was dating was. Because it allowed for "Leary's Fresh Fish" to be shoehorned into the plot ONE LAST TIME before season 3 ended. Because Jen took Henry and they were adorable. Because it was the moment when Joey realized she loved Pacey. Because it finally removed the random and useless Nelly from any and all plot lines in the future.

How Glee can beat it:
Burt Hummel, who makes Mitch Leary look like a father who neglects his kid except when he hits him, so John Whitter, makes sure that Kurt can bring Blaine, thus allowing Brittney to bring Santana, or Brittney and Artie get back together.

8. Manny and Paige Showdown: Degrassi: The Next Generation



Why it ranks:
Because Paige and Manny showed up in the same dress and Paige arranged to have her win prom queen only to humiliate her. Because it was the first time Jimmy was back at Degrassi since he was shot. Because JT and Liberty were still a couple. Because I'm pretty sure Emma still had gonorrhea of the throat. Because Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes were there for no explicable reason (except that they were filming a movie at Degrassi.) Because Downtown Sasquatch played.

How Glee can beat it:
Downtown Sasquatch plays. Except that I think if Jonathan Groff and Jake Epstein are on film together it will rip a hole in the space time continuum, also Aubrey Graham is a little busy. But a kick ass surprise celebrity guest star wouldn't go amiss.

7. "You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you": Pretty in Pink


Why it ranks:
Because it's the only time John Hughes took on the prom, which means it must be the most epic prom of all time. Because after it all, Andie and Blane kiss in the rain by his car. Because Duckie wears a bolo tie.

How Glee can beat it:
Kiss in the rain. Anyone can kiss in the rain.

6. Two proms, one crazier than the last: One Tree Hill



Why it ranks:
Because at one of them, Peyton didn't show because Psycho Derek tied her up in her basement and tortured her with autotuned versions of her own podcasts. Because at the first one, Peyton had painted "whore" on Brooke's dress prompting Brooke to go rescue her from Psycho Derek. Because the second one was in the town that one the "best OTH fans contest." Because at the second one the whole cast dressed up in 70s clothes. Because at the second one Chris Keller was there. Because Haley was pregnant at both proms and no one blinked.

How Glee can beat it:
Terry kidnaps and tortures Emma by throwing dirt on her, and Will saves her. New Directions gets hired to sing at the Dalton prom, thus creating an epic "second prom" scenario for Glee, which I have already discussed is the same show as OTH.

5. "I just wanted her to have the perfect night": Gossip Girl

Why it ranks:
Because Serena and Dan went "as friends" which is always hilarious. Because Nate and Blair broke up amicably, in the first and only case of lower drama making for a better episode in GG history. Because the B storyline was a failed pilot for a spin off about Lily in the 80s. Because Blair was elected prom queen. Because it turned out the whole night was an elaborate manipulation of Chuck's to make sure that Blair had the perfect prom night. (And I cried and cried)

How Glee can beat it:
Rachel does the same for Finn. Or Finn arranged for Jesse to come to bring Rachel so she can have the perfect prom night.

4. "Dad, I'm going to the prom!" "Very funny sweetie!": 10 Things I Hate About You
Why it ranks:
Because Save Ferris and Letters to Cleo performed. Because Bianca punched Joey in the face. Because even though Kat and Patrick get into that fight you know he feels really bad about it. Because Bianca's prom dress is the most epically 90s prom dress ever. (Bright pink satin and her midrift is bared)

How Glee can beat it:
I think they might, because it looks like Quinn is going to punch Rachel in the face. Good for you Glee!

3. Donna Throws up in the bathroom and gets suspended: Beverly Hills 90210

Why it ranks:
Really? I need to lay this one out? OK, um, Because Donna got drunk, threw up in the bathroom, and got suspended. This paved the way for the epic "Donna Martin Graduates!" storyline. And some half assed message about underage drinking.

How Glee can beat it:
Much like Buffy, this one is just too epic and iconic. Nothing Glee does will touch it.

2. "Is that all I am to you Zach? Am I a bet? Am I a F*@#KING bet?": She's All That


Why it ranks:
Because half the student body knew a choreographed dance number. Because rather than bring another girl than the one he loved, Freddie Prinze Jr. brought his little sister (Anna Paquin). Because Paul Walker brings Rachel Leigh Cook to screw with Freddie Prinze Jr. (That is the most 90s sentence ever written.) Because the "cool hot girl" who was no where near as hot as Rachel Leigh Cook wore the second most 90s prom dress ever. Because Usher DJ'd the party.

How Glee can beat it:
Usher.

1. "Is this a party or what? LET'S DANCE!" - Footloose

Why it ranks:



Because of that.

How Glee can beat it:
Finn sings "Footloose." Also maybe Kevin Bacon shows up? I don't know. It's a thought.

So there you have it folks.

Built on Their Shoulders

Glee was fantastic tonight and not just because the two original songs New Directions did at regionals were actually good. Which they were. Also Kurt and Blaine finally got together and had a super long boy on boy kiss which I'm pretty sure included tongue. My friends and I got REALLY excited about it. But let's not forget that Blaine and Kurt didn't get there by themselves. There are a few specific examples of characters that in my opinion paved the way for our two favorite blazered acappella guys:

Jack McFee: Dawson's Creek

In Season 2, after Joey and Dawson's romance totally imploded, she started dating mysterious new guy Jack McFee. About three episodes later, Jack wrote a revealing poem about his feelings and yelled at his dad about how he was gay. He then moved out of his family's house and in with Jen and Grams creating possibly the most functional family unit on that show. (Yeah, I know!)

After he came out Jack could get kind of preachy, and occasionally annoying...but um, well, if you've seen any of Dawson's, you know he wasn't alone there. They all got that way occasionally. But Jack was also a star wide receiver for the Capeside Minute Men, went through a douchey frat guy phase, and eventually settled in to life as a teacher, living with Pacey's older brother Doug, and the couple raised Jen's baby after she died. (CRY FOREVER! One of the best finales ever)

Marco Del Rossi: Degrassi: The Next Generation

Sure, it's a Canadian basic cable import, but Marco's storylines were always the best on Degrassi...with the possible exception of the EPIC Ash/Craig/Manny triangle, or that time Shawn and Peter were street racing, or when Emma got gonorrhea from going down on Jay in that van...anyway, Marco came out in season 2, but just to Ellie who then pretended to be his girlfriend for a while. Then in the season 3 premier Spinner figured it out, and they got into a big fight and Marco got beat up.

Then he dated Paige's brother for a long time, then he was a hustler in one episode. Also that time that Darcy's mean Christian friends tried to take him down and he shoved his cross in their face and talked about going to Mass every Sunday was awesome. And Marco wasn't the only gay teen on Degrassi, there was also Paige and Alex, but they just weren't as ground breaking.

Calvin Owens and Heath: Greek

I've been rewatching Greek, and really, Cal's awesome. A bit insecure when he first gets to CRU, he hooks up with closeted KT bro Heath. Then he dates TA Michael, but he's still got feelings for Heath, who's coming out remains one of my favorite moments on the show. Heath takes a deep breath and says he has something serious to discuss with pledge brothers Cappie, Beaver and Wade, and reveals his sexuality. The trio exhales, relieved, because they thought this conversation was about Beaver's hitting on Heath's 15 year old sister (Heather, who became a mini Rebecca, but that's a completely different story) at a family event. The brother's are supportive.

Additionally, when Cal gets past his initial insecurities, he comes out to best friends Rusty and Ashleigh, and his brothers at Omege Chi are mostly OK with it too, until he starts dating that douchey other gay Omega Chi, who's name I don't remember. But then he got back together with Heath, thank God!

So yes, Blaine and Kurt are exciting, but let's not forget that they didn't get there overnight.

CSD and It's Victims

I've spoken before about my severe case of CSD or Character Separation Disorder. It's a terrible disorder that effects pop culture junkies everywhere. It is the inability to separate actors from the popular characters that they've played over the years, usually this happens with actors who work in franchise films, or who have been on television.

Here are some of the actors who I have the most severe cases of CSD with:

Joshua Jackson: The Mighty Ducks, D2: The Mighty Ducks, D3: The Mighty Ducks, Dawson's Creek, Fringe

For most people suffering from CSD Josh will always be Pacey Whitter, the lovable screw up. But anyone who's worth their pop culture weight, knows that Pacey was just a teenaged sexually active version of Charlie Conway, captain of The Quack Attack. And his current character, Peter, is just Pacey in a lab, and since Pacey was really just Charlie, without the skates and with a hotter girlfriend, it stands to reason that Peter is Charlie, all grown up and in a lab.

The Entire Cast of Entourage

This applies most strongly to Adrian Grenier, Jeremy Piven and Kevin Connolly, but mostly because Jerry Ferrara and Kevin Dillon haven't done much since taking on Turtle and Drama. I can't be the only person who watched The Devil Wears Prada and thought, "Why is Vinnie following Aquaman with this? It doesn't make any sense for his projected career path." Or when I watched He's Just Not That Into You and I felt so bad for poor E when Scarlett Johansson was treating him like crap (the same way his ex Kristen did!) or well, Piven's a totally different story. Watch Keeping Up With The Steins, where he plays Ari but without the potty mouth. Or PCU where he plays Ari running a frat house. Or...well, I think you get the point.

Nathan Fillion: Firefly, Serenity, Castle, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog

Let's be honest, Nathan Fillion is one of those actors who has fully embraced CSD. Castle is just a riff of Captain Malcolm Reynolds, just like Captain Hammer is a perversion of him. Castle even took this to the next level.

Matt Czurchy: Gilmore Girls, The Good Wife

Logan Huntzberger was a slimy, scummy pathetic excuse for a man until Rory Gilmore whipped him into shape. Matt's character on The Good Wife, Cary, is a slimy, scummy excuse for a man, with no Rory in sight to whip him into shape. This is a clear case of the writers even embracing it, when in last week's episode Cary stalled a judge on the phone as Alicia finished preparing a last minute brief, in the exact same way that Logan did when Paris self destructed one night at The Yale Daily News and he and Rory had to save the day.

Aubrey Graham aka Drake. Degrassi: The Next Generation, Huge ass Rapper

OK, so the first time my friends had me listen to "Unstoppable" I was impressed. I'm not a huge rap fan, but I like some of it (Eminem, Jay-Z, Biggie and Outcast) Then someone told me that it was Jimmy from Degrassi. I laughed, and said "yeah right!" Except it is. Personally, I like this better.

Because let's face it. Ash is a bitch. She had a right to her anger, because I mean, hell, if my boyfriend got Manny Santos pregnant, I wouldn't be happy either. (Of course if my boyfriend was Craig, I might forgive him.) But still, I'm just saying long before "Unstoppable" he was rapping about far more important things. Like how Ash should make Craig lunch.

Tomorrow I'll write about actors who have miraculously overcome CSD. Check it out

Life is A Show

Degrassi Goes Hollywood was amazing.

I have no words. Oh except these: Mewesical Highschool????? STROKE OF BRILLIANCE. Also Michael Seater as a horrible version of himself. I laughed for quite a while.

The B story of Ellie and Craig was well orchestrated and Ellie's denial about her father's PTS was poignant and well played (did we expect less of Stacey Farber)

I have to applaud whoever wrote it for really making you root for Manny, who lets face it, since about season 5 has been impossible to care about, and for bringing Paige back to her roots.

The way that Mia, Peter, Sav and Danny worked into the story (one collective and very funny sidekick) was great. Emma was fun for once and I didn't hate Kelly. (AMAZING!) There was even a Shenae Grimes reference and plenty of Hills bashing. Good work gang!

A tour de force performance by the man himself Jason Mewes is a lovely cherry on top.

In Praise of: Degrassi The Next Generation

For the past 3 days I've been watching the Degrassi: Every Episode Ever marathon on The N.

It's kind of hard to believe this show has been on for 11 seasons (Whoa right?) I'm up to season 3 now (a season I actually own on DVD, it's the best one.) I have to say, being in high school when the show was at it's height, I really appreciated it. My friends and I used to go to one house and have Degrassi parties on Friday nights (we were super cool). We all had crushes on Craig, although these days we prefer the more constant Spinner, or the ever noble Sean, thought Ellie was the coolest ever and compared every slutty girl we ever met to Manny.

I say season three is the best, because it is. In season 3, Craig cheated on Ash with Manny, she got pregnant and had an abortion. Paige and Spinner were dating, Ellie became a cutter, Marco came out of the closet, and Jimmy could still walk.

Degrassi is primarily an issues based show. It's basically eleven seasons of very special episodes. I still mourn for JT, harbor resentment for Craig's shabby treatment of Ellie, and I'm wary of genetically modified foods because Emma said they were bad.

Oh right, and I still totally have a crush on Craig, even if he is a coke addicted bipolar asshat.

Hangin' Out

We all have some variation of them, that place where we hang out with our friends, the place where we don't necessarily need to order, because they just know...they're hang outs! And everyone on TV has one! Or most people do, so here are my top 10 TV hang outs (I was bored today.)

1. Cheers, Cheers: Of course it's number one, where everybody knows your name. Cheers is the epitome of the fictional hang out. It has a colorful crowd, a great backstory (an alcoholic owner) and of course, Norm and Cliff. Bonus Points: Not just a part of the show but the entire basis of the show. Add in an amusing staff, and you've got a great place to hang out.

2. Central Perk, Friends: As someone who spent a lot of time in coffee places, this is the dream one. The closest I have is the place up the street from my apartment. But there's no Gunther there, just that guy who makes my grilled cheeses with swiss even though its not on the menu. Bonus Points: A lead started their life over there and another often performs. And let's face it, that orange couch looks damn comfy.

3. Monk's Coffee Shop, Seinfeld: The coffee shop is a fairly wonderful phenomenon. It seems to have a standard diner menu, and yet Jerry and the gang rarely orders anything but soup or salad. Have you ever had diner soup? It's usually pretty gross. But Elaine's big salad is so funny, it makes it rank. Bonus Points: Unfortunately none, there's just nothing all that special about Monk's, at least not bonus points worthy.

4. Arnold's Drive In, Happy Days: Arnold's gets credit just for its multiple owners and phases. There's season one, where it's like an actual drive in, like without a real inside, then it becomes more of a diner in the next few seasons, owned by Arnold, played by Mr. Myagi. Then it's owned by Al, but still called Arnold's, then The Fonz buys a part of it. It's nice to own the building where your office is. Bonus Points: Burned down and then was rebuilt. As a callback to some of my friends, I continue to love Chachi, despite the carelessness that caused the destruction. Joanie finally agreed to go on a date with him! You'd forget to turn of the grill too!

5. The Peach Pit and The Peach Pit After Dark, Beverly Hills, 90210 and 90210: Nat's Peach Pit and David and Steve's adjacent night club (which passed hands to Valerie, to Noah, to Dylan, to, well it's still there, but I'm not sure who owns it, Nat maybe?) combine the greatness of your classic high school diner with the happiness of a mid nineties rave. The Pit was initially a plot convience, after all, The Walshes are middle class don't-ya-know, and Brandon needed gas money. So all his friends started hanging out there. The end. Bonus Points: Their menu center piece is called a Mega-Burger and Dixon now works there because Nat "hired a kid from West Beverly once. He was a good kid. You remind me of him." Aww, see, I'm not the only one who is reminded of Brandon when I see Dixon!

6. The Dot, Degrassi: The Next Generation: The Dot was the place of so much Degrassi greatness. Like Spinner's job. That time Paige tried to be a waitress. That birthday party Ellie threw for Craig when Ashley dumped him and she was into him and Jimmy was into her (Poor Jimmy, those girls just can't resist the Craig!) Bonus Points: Spinner is now the manager, and dolls out wisdom like, well, Nat at the Peach Pit.

7. The Pie Shop, Ed: OK, so maybe I just put this one on the list because The Pie Shop is actually Beantown, the corner coffee shop in my hometown. But in reality, I loved Ed, it was a brilliant show that died far too soon. Not to mention Actiondale (our ironic nickname for our little town) came alive the two days a week they shot on Allendale Ave. They still have the "Who Wants some pie?" sign up in the window. Bonus Points: They make an excellent frozen hot chocolate (I haven't been there since 8th Grade, what do you want from me?)

8. Chubby's, Boy Meets World: Chubby's, like oh so many of these places was a burger joint. It was here that Cory and Topanga broke up, and made up so many times, that Shawn went on that date with that bitchy girl who wanted to break him and Corey up. And remember the time that Shawn dressed up as a girl to write a story for the school paper and Corey dresed up as a waitress because he felt left out? Also at Chubby's. Bonus Points: When they changed hang outs to the coffee place on campus, Chubby's became a pirate themed restuarant. PIRATES!

9. Crowley's Bar, My Boys: All hale the dive bar! Crowley's is clearly the hang out of the Chicago sports writing elite. OK, maybe not, but PJ and Bobby both cover the Cubs for major papers, so it's up there. Yes, PJ and the guys sometimes go other places (remember when they went to that club with Trouty? Or PJ's apartment? Sometimes Stephanie makes PJ go someplace nice.) but they always end up back at Crowley's usually playing board games. Which leads to...Bonus Points: Crowley's has a board games collection. Including Mouse Trap! Mouse Trap + Beer = Place I want to be!

10. The Hub, That 70s Show: There were two hang outs in Point Place, The Hub and Eric's basement. I went with the hub. Mostly because it is here that my favorite scene in the entire show takes place. When Jackie has the dream sequence that she's slutty Sandy in Grease and Hyde is Danny and they do the "You're The One That I Want" dance. Bonus Points: There are no waiters, you have to go up to the window and get your food yourself.

So that's my top ten, did I miss any? (I know I did, but any that you guys particularly want to add.)

Battle Of The Queen Bees

Come on, you know you want to see what would happen. Obviously this fight wouldn't be physical until the very end, this would be about conniving and backstabbing and obviously fabulous outfits and hissy fits. Let's look at their strong points.

Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl):

Signature: Headbands. We all know about Blair's flair for keeping her fantastic raven locks off her face with those wonderful little satin bands. It's gotten to the point that in mid catfight Serena pulled one off. I mean, it's all about the headbands.

Greatest Victory: Her outing of Jenny Humprhey/Erik Vanderwoodsen's boyfriend was unbelievably played. Not only that it showcased her greatest asset as well.

Greatest Asset: Blind Loyalty. Blair will do anything to help her friends. Even if it means breaking her own heart, like when she exposed the secret affair between her boyfriend and his step mother to save Nate from life as said step mother's gigolo. Or when she went all the way to Queens (GASP!) to expose Georgina's manipulation of Dan. Or even how she went to bat for Jenny against her mother, the list goes on and on. If only she and Chuck could get their act together, then she’d have it all!

Greatest Weakness: Overactive imagination and paranoia. Blair always thinks someone, usually Serena, is out to get her, although occasionally it’s Jenny. These paranoias get acted out in dreams of Audrey Hepburn movies. (Blair is always Audrey, until Serena is)

Ally: Chuck Bass. Blair's at her best when she's teamed up with her ex lover, who's at his best when he's wearing a paisley bow tie. And well, he’s Chuck Bass.

Sharpay Evans (High School Musical):

Signature: Bedazzling things. Her microphone, her cell phone, her clothes, her shoes, her brother.

Greatest Victory: Sharpay manipulated the director of the drama club to change the date of callbacks so that Troy and Gabriella would have to miss them. Of course Wildcat hijinks undid her manipulations, but in any universe other than one created by Disney Channel her plan would have been a success.

Greatest Asset: Ambition. Sharpay is a girl who knows what she wants and she goes for it. Whether it's the lead in the school show or Troy Bolton, she goes out full force, not caring who she hurts, even her own twin brother.

Greatest Weakness: The Wildcats. Sharpay just can't seem to get around their whole real friendships and true love and teamwork thing! Try though she might, she just can't do it.

Ally: Ryan Evans. Despite her poor treatment of him, Ryan continues to follow Sharpay's schemes. Oddly, like Chuck, he's at his best in strange outfits. Also, everybody loves a good jazz square.

Kelly Taylor (Beverly Hills 90210):

Signature: Love Triangles. Kelly has been at the center of some of the greatest love triangles in the history of television. The first, Kelly/Dylan/Brenda, the second Brandon/Kelly/Dylan. Both were clearly the best parts of 90210 besides whenever David would rap.

Greatest Victory: Dylan McKay. In the finale, she leaves Beverly Hills to be with him. We find out that later on they had a child together (Thanks to the now wildly popular 90210 spin off.) and upon Kelly’s request Brenda deleted Dylan from her cell phone contacts, but not without tears.

Greatest Asset: The bizarre ability to make every man she’s ever met fall madly in love with her. Whether it was David’s adorable but slightly creepy crush on her in the early years at West Beverly, Dylan’s decision to cheat on Brenda with her, Brandon’s inability to sell the engagement ring he bought for her, Steve’s six season long hang up on their relationship, that coke head guy Collin’s falling for her, that other guy who they bro

ught in to replace Brandon, Ryan Matthews on the new show, well, you get the point.

Greatest Weakness: Low Self Esteem. She lost her virginity in a date rape, and lived for years with an alcoholic and drug addicted ex model mother, these things screwed her up a little bit. It doesn’t help that someone graffitied “Kelly is a Slut” on that tile in the hallway (I wonder if it’s still there and the new West Bev kids will find it?) Kelly’s low self esteem leads her to do incredibly stupid things, like develop a cocaine addiction, or not marry Brandon.

Ally: Donna Martin. Donna always has her bffs back. Whether she’s protecting her from Brenda’s vicious bitch barbs or that creepy stalker girl, she’s the one you want or your side.

Clair Standish (The Breakfast Club):

Signature: Whining. Claire whines through the whole movie. To be fair they all do, but her a little more than the others. But we love Molly Ringwald, so we move past this.

Greatest Victory: Defending her virgin status. When Claire explodes and admits to the other Saturday detention kids that she’s a virgin and that’s she’s mostly OK with this, it’s really quite touching.

Greatest Asset: Uncontrollable hostility towards her rich divorced parents. Claire just wants to get back at them the way they use her to get back at each other.

Greatest Weakness: I mentioned the whining already, no?

Ally: John Bender. Claire’s got bad boy Bender on her side by the end of the movie, and we all know he’s not afraid to get a little crazy.

Paige Michelchuck (Degrassi: The Next Generation)

Signature: Backhanded Compliments. Hon, trust me, you do not want to get in the way when Paige lets these babies go. She “Sweetied” and “Hon’ed” her way to captain of the Spirit Squad, cutest couple, and even into the VIP party for Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh?

Greatest Victory: Manny Santos’s public humiliation. At the prom in season 4 or 5, Manny shows up in the same dress as Paige and Paige arranges for her to be elected prom queen, she shows her up by somehow arranging for Manny’s dress to get ripped off in front of everyone. Hey, Manny needed a wake up call, you don’t mess with Paige!

Greatest Asset: Her ability to reinvent herself. Paige has been through a lot of stages. There was Young Paige, Post Rape Paige, Spinner’s Paige, Single Paige, Lesbian Paige, Devil Wears Prada Paige, you get the po

int. We’ve seen a lot of different sides to this girl, and she uses them all to her advantage.

Greatest Weakness: Quick Trigger Finger. Paige acts, thinks, and then regrets. Like when she goes into the bedroom to makeout with Dean and, well, he rapes her. Or when she crashes Spinner’s car into Dean’s, or when she started dating that teacher, or when she slept with Spinner while he was still with Darcy, or kicked Manny off the spirit squad or almost burned down her dorm room. I could keep going, but I think you get the point

Ally: For Paige I had trouble picking so she gets two. Gavin “Spinner” Mason and Alex Nunez. Spinner has always stood by his honey bee, and we all know he can throw and take a punch. And Alex, well, we all know about Alex and Paigey’s little same sex tryst, but they managed to stay besties even after their romance

went south, and Alex became a pothead stripper, and Paige started working in the exciting Toronto fashion scene.

Brooke Davis (One Tree Hill)

(Note: Though not the most Queen Bee-ish picture, its one of my favorites, and from my favorite episode.)

Signature: Fashion. Brooke’s a designer, and like Kelly Taylor and Donna Martin before her she’s wildly successful at it, even at a very young age. In the four years later seasons Brooke is rich, fabulous and ready for anything.

Greatest Victory: Clothes over Bros. In an attempt to take back her life and slutty image Brooke started her wildly successful clothing line and made it into a world wide brand. Of course this still didn’t bring her fulfillment. You get the feeling that if real world events (Chad and Sophia divorce and he marries a seventeen year old extra) hadn’t interfered she would have even had Lucas Scott to share it with.

Greatest Asset: Pigheadedness. Brooke wants what she wants, and she gets it. Lucas Scott, Clothes over Bros, Chase in Season 4, a baby (OK so she ended up with a teenager, but whatever).

Greatest Weakness: Pigheadedness. Brooke wants what she wants, and she doesn’t let go. It can be a problem.

Ally: Peyton Sawyer. True bffs, nothing can break up Peyton and Brooke, not even their mutual true love for a certain blond dreamy eyed, far too sensitive basketball hunk. Alright, they briefly didn’t speak over him, but they got past it, just like besties always should.

Regina George (Mean Girls)

Signature: Burn Book. Regina and her “army of skanks” keep clipping of pictures from the yearbook and write their bitchy little barbs. Poor Cady Heron didn’t even know what hit her. Regina ate her soul before she even knew what was happening.

Greatest Victory: Unlike many of the others listed here, Regina doesn’t actually win anything. She doesn’t die, so I guess there’s that. The closest thing to a victory I would say when she gets Aaron Samuels back just because Cady wanted him.

Greatest Asset: No scruples and a sadistic personality. Regina does things just to hurt people and doesn’t care how far she has to go to stay on top. She showed up at the Spring Fling in an effing spinal halo for craps sake. She made photo copies of the burn book and threw them around the school to throw her “friends” under the bus.

Greatest Weakness: Anger management issues. See her freak out when Cady doesn’t invite her to her party. This leads to the burn book reveal.

Ally: Again, I have to give her two, Gretchen Weiners and Karen Smith. The plastics are at their best when united. Because divided its just the end of Mean Girls. Where there's no drama. Where's the fun in that?

Bree Vandekanmp Hodge (Desperate Housewives):

Signature: Just to preface this, I thought long and hard as too which housewife would get the queen bee title. I went with Bree, I'll explain why later, but her signature is her home maker skills, which she has now made a career out of.

Greatest Victory: Her cookbook, which is a best seller. Bree has made her life something truly remarkable and totally taken back her ice queen perfection obsessed image. Good for her!

Greatest Asset: Lack of emotional attachment to anything. Bree can distance herself emotionally from most situations, which absolutely plays to her advantage.

Greatest Weakness: Alcoholism. Bree is a full blown alcoholic, and she trusts very few people with this secret. Especially her relapse which we learned about in the beginning of season 4.

Ally: Katherine Mayfair. Katherine is Bree's best friend and business partner and the pair make a great team. They butt heads quite a bit, but they almost always work it out. And Katherine was the only person who knew about her relapse, until she confessed it to her husband Orson.

Galinda Upland (Wicked):

Signature: Galinda lingo. We all wishafy that we could talkerate like a Galindafied drone without sounding like an ass. Or an Ass? We do have to make the distinction, since we're in Wicked land!

Greatest Victory: (Spoiler Alert!) Expelling the Wizard from Oz and sending Madame Morrible to prison taking revenge and control after Elphaba's death. Also Elphaba's makeover. But only because "Popular" is still my favorite song to perform at random caberet nights.

Greatest Weakness: Uh, none. Cause she's awesome! No, actually, she's a bit full of herself and just a smidge weak willed, oh right and shallow. But she's genuinely self absorbed and deeply shallow (Yes, I know its Fiyero's line about himself but it fits her.)

Ally: Elphie of course! Galinda and Elphaba are the best example of girl best friends in recent memory. You know, how they love each other, but still fight like crazy, but when it comes down to it, they have each other's backs. And plus she's got magic on her side! Magic!

So, those are the contenders, I’d love comments, and votes (I have open commenting, so if you’re on the site, you can comment, you don't need to be a blogspot member!) and I’ll declare a winner in a later post!

Icebox

This week on Degrassi, Jane plays football. Because Jane is badass.

She plays wide receiver not fullback, but I still couldn't help but think of Becky "The Icebox" O'Shea. Some of the guys on the team (Danny, Sav) are totally cool with this. Spinner is supportive boyfriend. He's very good at that. Other people (Derek, Long haired Lakehurst goon who was totes there when they stabbed JT, weird new quarterback who Holly J is going to hook up with) are not OK with it and are terrorizing her. She tells new sleazy principal about this (I HATE this guy, seriously, why is Snake not the principal?) and he's like "You wanna play with guys this is what you put up with." I do like that they're returning Derek to his roots. Because he got lumped in with Danny and JT, you lost that he was initially tapped to be the jerk. His first appearance was as a point guard on the basketball team who made fun of Jimmy for being crippled...does no one else remember that? Anyway, Derek, NQB and Thug eventually beat on her and she flips. She tells Spinner and he gets all "I'm gonna killabitch" and she's all "Shut up I'm fine." Even Mia and Holly J are on her side. Well, Mia's expected, since Jane is Izzie's aunt and everything, but not necessarily Holly J. She wins the day because this is Degrassi and that's how these things work. But I do have to say that if Spin becomes what Alex was in the beginning (Supportive Spouse Role) I'm going to throw a shit fit. I know with all his friends gone, there's not a whole lot else for him to do but still.

In other news, Darcy went to Kenya to do missionary work...if by "Kenya" you mean "Beverley Hills", and by "missionary work" you mean, "making out with that lame Luke Perry-Ian Zerring Knock off" than yeah, I get what you're saying. Peter is angry and frustrated and as a result hooks up with Mia? Huh? Anyway, Danny's all, "Mia's a whore." And Sav's all, "I'm staying out of it." And then Mia's all, "Let's be boyfriendgirlfriend and I'll tell you about how cute my daughter is." And Darcy's sister is all, "Darcy misses you, she sent you a present from West Bev-I mean Africa." Peter broods and looks into the camera. Also, now that Peter is emancipated, he lives in an apartment that looks suspiciously like the one Sean and Ellie lived in in Season 3. I'm just saying. I do think it's a little odd that they're making Mia the new Manny. She's just going to hook up with everyone, huh?

Oh also, we got a "hun" out of Holly J this week. Sigh It's just not the same. Paige, we need you!

Whatever it takes...

So due to my Smallville binge (seriously I'm hooked, but is it just me or is Lana Lang just really annoying and did they make Lois completely awesome and badass on purpose? I mean, I've always thought Lois Lane was totally lame!) Anyway, that's another story for another day, due to this binge I sort of skipped most of my shows this week and I've spent the last two days (OH GLORIOUS BREAK) catching up. 90210 did nothing worthy of comment this week, except that Stylan and Donda almost kissed. Again. Woo. So I will instead discuss something else, Degrassi: The Next Generation Season 1,000,000 Premiere. OK, so Degrassi hasn't actually been on for a million years. But it feels like it. But, for the sake of argument let's look at who from the original cast is left.

1. Emma
2. Manny
3. Liberty
4. Spinner
5. Snake

No kids, I'm serious, that's it! This season we have no Jimmy, no Paige! (NO PAIGE! UGH! Hon, this is such a problem!) no Toby, obviously no JT (Shut up! He'll be back. I don't care, JT isn't dead!) This is like ER level exodus. Anyway, that being said, the new already established characters, ie, Anya, Holly J, Mia, Danny, Sav, I like them. I do. Also Darcy? She's still at Degrassi, it's kind of amazing that she manages to go to Degrassi and West Beverly at the same time! I know crazy right? Anyway, they're all good, and I'm happy to see them back, I am sad to see no Ellie and no Marco. I love Ellie and Marco. They're the best ever. The episode focused on Mia, (Good choice since she is intimately connected to the original cast.) and her quest to be a model. The story line was Degrassi-heavy. Mia makes the mistake of sleeping with a booker to get a job, falls into the glamorous Toronto modeling world. (Yeah, I know, it's a leap of faith) and forgets little things like, oh, her daughter, and her school, and her blossoming romance with Danny (Major ick factor, what with Mia being JT's girlfriend, and Danny being Liberty's brother, I'm just saying!) and then learns her lesson before its too too late, but not before selling her soul to Holly J.

The B story focused on the new new characters. Darcy's little sister Claire is now at Degrassi, still wearing her private school uniform (weird) and in the gifted program, with Snake's conveniently existing nephew uh, let's call him Toby? and this badass smart sensitive skater guy who we'll call um, Sean? and Sav's smart but sorta skanky little sister, let's go with Manny? Anyway, Sean and Claire are all awkwardy grade 9 flrity with each other, but she's also sort of getting her weird smart girl flirt on with Snake's nephew. So looks like we've got ourselves a new Degrassi love triangle...It won't be MannyCraigAshley, but nothing ever will be. Ever again. And we all just have to live with it.

The third story line (Oh yes 3 stories in one hour long episode!) was Emma, Manny and Liberty starting at Smithdale. Manny and Liberty make new friends, and Manny's introducing herself as Mauela...Emma freaks out! Why can't they just be three best friends and not meet new people! Emma hates change, in case we haven't observed this over the past twenty million episodes. Anyway, she changes their housing and now they live with a boy, DRAMA! Emma and boy befriend each other. Too bad for him once Sean gets home from Iraq, he's done.

All in all it was a fine episode, I just don't know what I'm going to do without Marco. I love Marco! Anyway, as long as Emma and Manny are around it'll be fine!