Pop Goes the Prom

Tonight is the most epic night in the history of nights.

That's right, it's Glee's Prom Night episode. I try not to read spoilers, because I love to be surprised but I do know a few things.

Quinn is going to smack Rachel in her pouty little face.

and

JESSE ST JAMES is going to be back.

I won't even get into how much I love Jonathan Groff, (described by my sister Mary as "The Straightest Gay Man Alive") because this post isn't about how Groff has been playing dreamy broody teen boys for almost a decade now while living happily out of the closet, it's about the best proms in the history of pop culture (of which this will surely be one.)

10. Sunnydale Senior Prom, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Why it ranks:
Because of the hellhounds that were unleashed, causing panic. Because it began the Anya/Xander relationship. Because Wesley kissed Cordelia and it was awful, but hilarious. Because Angel came, danced with Buffy and gave her the "one normal high school moment" she had been craving. Because the (at this point) adorable Jonathan presented Buffy with the "class protector" superlative. And it was awesome!

How Glee can beat it:
It can't...move on.

9. The Anti-Prom: Dawson's Creek


Why it ranks:
Because it was the height of Dawson's self righteous, "I'm the nice guy so Joey should love me" phase. Because Jack learned what a douche that guy he was dating was. Because it allowed for "Leary's Fresh Fish" to be shoehorned into the plot ONE LAST TIME before season 3 ended. Because Jen took Henry and they were adorable. Because it was the moment when Joey realized she loved Pacey. Because it finally removed the random and useless Nelly from any and all plot lines in the future.

How Glee can beat it:
Burt Hummel, who makes Mitch Leary look like a father who neglects his kid except when he hits him, so John Whitter, makes sure that Kurt can bring Blaine, thus allowing Brittney to bring Santana, or Brittney and Artie get back together.

8. Manny and Paige Showdown: Degrassi: The Next Generation



Why it ranks:
Because Paige and Manny showed up in the same dress and Paige arranged to have her win prom queen only to humiliate her. Because it was the first time Jimmy was back at Degrassi since he was shot. Because JT and Liberty were still a couple. Because I'm pretty sure Emma still had gonorrhea of the throat. Because Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes were there for no explicable reason (except that they were filming a movie at Degrassi.) Because Downtown Sasquatch played.

How Glee can beat it:
Downtown Sasquatch plays. Except that I think if Jonathan Groff and Jake Epstein are on film together it will rip a hole in the space time continuum, also Aubrey Graham is a little busy. But a kick ass surprise celebrity guest star wouldn't go amiss.

7. "You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you": Pretty in Pink


Why it ranks:
Because it's the only time John Hughes took on the prom, which means it must be the most epic prom of all time. Because after it all, Andie and Blane kiss in the rain by his car. Because Duckie wears a bolo tie.

How Glee can beat it:
Kiss in the rain. Anyone can kiss in the rain.

6. Two proms, one crazier than the last: One Tree Hill



Why it ranks:
Because at one of them, Peyton didn't show because Psycho Derek tied her up in her basement and tortured her with autotuned versions of her own podcasts. Because at the first one, Peyton had painted "whore" on Brooke's dress prompting Brooke to go rescue her from Psycho Derek. Because the second one was in the town that one the "best OTH fans contest." Because at the second one the whole cast dressed up in 70s clothes. Because at the second one Chris Keller was there. Because Haley was pregnant at both proms and no one blinked.

How Glee can beat it:
Terry kidnaps and tortures Emma by throwing dirt on her, and Will saves her. New Directions gets hired to sing at the Dalton prom, thus creating an epic "second prom" scenario for Glee, which I have already discussed is the same show as OTH.

5. "I just wanted her to have the perfect night": Gossip Girl

Why it ranks:
Because Serena and Dan went "as friends" which is always hilarious. Because Nate and Blair broke up amicably, in the first and only case of lower drama making for a better episode in GG history. Because the B storyline was a failed pilot for a spin off about Lily in the 80s. Because Blair was elected prom queen. Because it turned out the whole night was an elaborate manipulation of Chuck's to make sure that Blair had the perfect prom night. (And I cried and cried)

How Glee can beat it:
Rachel does the same for Finn. Or Finn arranged for Jesse to come to bring Rachel so she can have the perfect prom night.

4. "Dad, I'm going to the prom!" "Very funny sweetie!": 10 Things I Hate About You
Why it ranks:
Because Save Ferris and Letters to Cleo performed. Because Bianca punched Joey in the face. Because even though Kat and Patrick get into that fight you know he feels really bad about it. Because Bianca's prom dress is the most epically 90s prom dress ever. (Bright pink satin and her midrift is bared)

How Glee can beat it:
I think they might, because it looks like Quinn is going to punch Rachel in the face. Good for you Glee!

3. Donna Throws up in the bathroom and gets suspended: Beverly Hills 90210

Why it ranks:
Really? I need to lay this one out? OK, um, Because Donna got drunk, threw up in the bathroom, and got suspended. This paved the way for the epic "Donna Martin Graduates!" storyline. And some half assed message about underage drinking.

How Glee can beat it:
Much like Buffy, this one is just too epic and iconic. Nothing Glee does will touch it.

2. "Is that all I am to you Zach? Am I a bet? Am I a F*@#KING bet?": She's All That


Why it ranks:
Because half the student body knew a choreographed dance number. Because rather than bring another girl than the one he loved, Freddie Prinze Jr. brought his little sister (Anna Paquin). Because Paul Walker brings Rachel Leigh Cook to screw with Freddie Prinze Jr. (That is the most 90s sentence ever written.) Because the "cool hot girl" who was no where near as hot as Rachel Leigh Cook wore the second most 90s prom dress ever. Because Usher DJ'd the party.

How Glee can beat it:
Usher.

1. "Is this a party or what? LET'S DANCE!" - Footloose

Why it ranks:



Because of that.

How Glee can beat it:
Finn sings "Footloose." Also maybe Kevin Bacon shows up? I don't know. It's a thought.

So there you have it folks.

Rebooting the Field

I've made my general distaste for reboots and remakes known, but they are unavoidable in the current pop culture climate. With the news of the casting in Baz Luhrman's version of The Great Gatsby coming to light. (Toby Maguire as Nick Carraway? Yes please! Leo as Jay Gatsby? GOD YES!) Not to mention the I'm ignoring it news that Jennifer Garner is going to be playing Miss Marple (seriously, I'm pretending it's not there) I've been thinking about remakes and reboots I would be OK with, depending entirely on the casting I outline here:

Guys And Dolls:

This one gets special mention, based on the fact that the original film is subpar to the brilliant Broadway Musical it inspired. Also the fact that between the rise of Gleekers, Apatow friends and well, NPH the time is right for a second look. Acceptable Casting: Neil Patrick Harris as Nathan Detroit, Mark Salling as Sky Masterson (Seriously, watch the man sing Lady is a Tramp in season 1), Anne Hathaway as Sarah, Mila Kunis as Miss Adelaide, Jason Segel as Nicely Nicely Johnson, and the rest of the gang taking on the minor gangster roles (Jonah Hill as Big Jule especially.)

The Thin Man Series


Nick and Norah Charles are two of my all time favorite old school film characters. Basically they exchanged witty banter while drinking martinis in fancy hotel suites. They also occasionally solved murders. You know who needs to do those things? Ed Westwick and Leighton Meester. They already do it once a week, but without the murders. And really, it's only a matter of time.

The Vampire Chronicles

Let's face facts, we live in a Post Twilight, Mid True Blood world. The time might be right to resurrect Lestat, Louis, and Claudia and get another, more accurate look at Anne Rice's version of the blood suckers, with all of their gay innuendo bi contintental, rule defying behavior. I'm not touching cast for this one, because while the film Interview With A Vampire has some flaws, casting was not one of them, Brad, Tom and Kirsten rocked. Queen of The Damned on the other hand...


Buffy The Vampire Slayer
OK, so this one has already been announced, it's more about the casting for me. Apparently the new film version is going to be a Scooby free zone, but I'm not sold on that, or well, just about anything about the movie except for the fact that Joss seems to think it's a good idea. However, there are only two acceptable actresses to step into the chosen one's shoes. Emma Stone if they want to stick to teenage Buffy, or Kaley Cuoco if they want someone a little older.

Those are just a few of the possibilities. Any reboot ideas you would be OK with, readers?

For EC's consideration

I'm not quite done tearing New Moon apart just yet. I mean, I pretty much am, but this is something I've been aiming to write for a while, but never got around to.

Movieline posted this little piece about what Edward Cullen could learn from other B-Movie vampires. Me? I'm just talking about those of his kindred, the good vampires. Those who share in his "boo hoo, woe to me who has eternal life," philosophy. That being said, his brothers have some stuff to teach him too. A lot actually.

Bill Compton: True Blood/The Southern Vampire Novels

Lesson for EC: Drinking your beloved's blood is A-OK, so long as she says so.

Bill feeds off of girlfriend Sookie Stackhouse all the time. She's fine and they have a mostly functional relationship. Plus having her blood in his system makes him more attuned to her. He can sense when she's in trouble. For Edward, who sees himself as Bella's protector, that's got to be appealing.

Stefan and Damon Salvatore: The Vampire Diaries

Lesson for EC: As a teenage vampire attending high school, you can socialize and participate in school activities normally. Truly!

Stefan goes to parties, and hangs out with his classmates, he even joined the football team for an episode (then his brother Damon ate the coach, but you know, whatever) He befriends love Elena's buddies, and even makes nice with her ex boyfriend Matt. Even Damon, the evil one, socializes normally in Mystic Falls. He's buddies with the sheriff (he boinked her daughter) and haunts the neighborhood bar. The Cullens could learn a thing or two from the Salvatore brothers, when it comes to interpersonal relations.

Angel: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel

Lesson for EC: You ask before you start climbing in your mortal lady's window, thank you very much.

Granted, like most every vampire but Edward, Angel requires an invitation to enter someone's home, but even once he had unfettered access to Buffy's place, Angel always asked permission to come in. "I'm just trying to be polite." He often explains. Not to mention for all of his skulking and brooding, he never out and out stalks the poor girl. Sure, that time he sat in the sewer and watched her before they met in LA was err, odd, it wasn't a pattern. Get the difference Edward? Angel never stayed up and watched Buffy sleep all night, because really, ew.

Louis: Interview with A Vampire

Lesson for EC: Brooding and guilt will get you nowhere, except lonely talking to a reporter in a hotel room.

Louis became a vampire out of his guilt for the loss of his family. Then he made Claudia into a vampire out of guilt for killing her mother. Then he let Claudia "kill" Lestat out of guilt for turning her into a vampire. Do you get the picture? In the end where did it land him? Alone, in a hotel room telling Christian Slater his life story. Oh and Lestat was TOTALLY stalking him. Quit brooding Eddie not everything bad is your fault.

Lesson from all of them: Lightening up is totally allowed from time to time. Really.

Even Angel and Louis, the broodiest of the broody find time for some fun. Angel likes to listen to Barry Manilow, plus he makes eggs for Cordelia when they solve a case, and Louis goes to the movies. Stefan, as we mentioned plays football, also pool, and he has a best friend named Lexi, who apparently hooked up with Jon Bon Jovi once. Bill unwinds with a nice cold TruBlood at Merlotte's or he plays his Wii, (seriously, apparently vampires love Wii.) How does Edward unwind? He composes melancholy music about Bella or plays chess with Alice. Sorry, not gonna cut it. Even his brothers do better, Jasper and Emmet wrestle with each other in the garage.

Howl at the Moon

So here's the big one for the week! Werewolves haven't ever gotten the glamorous treatment that vampires have in pop culture. They are distinctly less sexy. But they're often times a whole lot more fun. Face it, while vampires have cornered the market on brooding and sexy and all of that, werewolves are more savage, they are literally the animal within. So let's explore that shall we?

Scott Howard: Teen Wolf/Todd Howard: Teen Wolf Too

Played by Michael J. Fox and Jason Bateman respectively, these wolves, like many get their wolfiness from a genetic quirk. While Fox got the better movie, both take into account the hilarity that can come from a teenage boy sprouting lots of body hair, and like a couple of the witches here, it's all just a metaphor for puberty. Plus watching Michael J Fox Dunk is effing hilarious.

Tommy Dawkins: Big Wolf On Campus

Just like Fox and Bateman Tommy found wolfdom more fun than anything. Plus he used it to become a super hero. Or maybe not. I really don't remember details about this show. But I thought it was awesome when I was ten. I do remember one time he time traveled and then ended up back in our time, but because he interfered with something in the 80s The Communists took over. So, he interfered with the past and changed the future, also like Michael J. Fox. Oh, also, Rachel LaFevre was on season 1, and now she plays Victoria in Twilight. So there's that.

Remus Lupin: Harry Potter

Lupin was my favorite character. He was awesome. He was by far the best defense against the dark arts teacher. Probably because you know, he was his subject. I'm still not over the fact that he died. Not at all. Seriosuly. The first time I read Deathly Hallows I cried for like a half an hour. Not joking. Anyway, one of the only traditional werewolves in recent memory, Lupin changes at the full moon, and only at the full moon, also if he doesn't drink his potion he goes crazy and tries to eat Hermione.

Daniel "Oz" Osbourne: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Oz became a werewolf when his little cousin bit his finger. To keep himself and the other Scooby gang members safe he locked himself in the rare book cage in the Sunnydale High library. He started out as a traditional werewolf, but after time focused the powers and could become a wolf at any time. Plus he was in a band.

And finally, you knew it was coming:

Jacob Black: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn

A result of the strange genetic quirk in the Quilieute people, brought about to protect the tribe from vampires, Jacob is a shapeshifting werewolf with lots of angst to go along with it. Granted the angst is less about his wolf state and more about how Bella doesn't love him, but still. Jacob eventually leaves the Quilieute pack behind in Breaking Dawn, because he disagrees with leader Sam Uley's decision that the pack will kill Bella and her unborn half vampire baby, who as it turns out is Jacob's soul mate. (I don't really care for Breaking Dawn. I think it's kind of a stretch) After imprinting on Rennesme, the Cullens accept him as one of their own. (Except Rosalie, because you know, bitch!) and he even forms his own little mini pack with Seth and Leah Clearwater. So that's pretty cool.

It's Witchcraft

With New Moon finally opening on Friday (has it really only been a year since Twilight? How are Ironman fanatics dealing with having to wait three years for their sequel?) I have a laser focus. I'm in a twisted joy and fear based swirl of excitement around the supernatural.

So I've decided to write about it. I could write about vampires, (I've been working on a "favorites" list) but New Moon isn't about vampires, I mean, they're there, but it's really about the other.

Today, I'm talking witches. Not real witches, the kind that pop culture has taken and elevated to super status. Here they are, my favorite magic makers here.

The Halliwell Sisters: Charmed

I loved Charmed. I watched season 1 again recently and realized it really doesn't exactly hold up. But for pure The WB late 90s early millenium nostalgia, it's the best. Plus Alyssa Milano is amazing. I personally think the show suffered when Shannen Doherty left and was replaced by Rose McGowan as a formerly unknown fourth sister (not because I prefer Doherty to McGowan, let me make that clear, McGowan is way better! I didn't like the way Piper functioned as oldest sister) The Charmed ones were great and the epic scope of their mission is always good.

Willow Rosenberg: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel

Willow started experimenting with Wicca at the end of season 2, in an attempt to restore Angel's soul. She later developed incredible powers which consumed her by season 6. Willow's magical solutions to Buffy and the rest of the gang's problems proved helpful, even if Giles consistently disapproved.

Samantha Stevens, Endora, Tabitha Stevens: Bewitched

Without Sam, as a pretty good witch on this quasi misogynistic classic there would be none of the others on this list. Samantha's mother Endora was constantly making trouble for poor Sam and her much put upon magic-phobic husband Darrin. Then came adorable daughter Tabitha, who manifested her magic powers early, and also made plenty of trouble.

Sabrina Spellman: Sabrina The Teenage Witch

A direct descendant of Samantha's, Sabrina's magic was much more about hijinks and hilarity than anything else. Plus it was a metaphor for puberty, so that was cool. Sabrina's magic caused her no end of problems, she had to lie to her friends about it, and even when she came clean to high school sweetie Harvey about it, it took him five more years to come around. But didn't we all wish when we were tweens that we could point our fingers and summon up a dance lesson with Britney Spears, and then watching reruns now, wish we could point and get the couture that Sabrina does.

Jean "Jinx" Honeychurch: Jinx

In Meg Cabot's less successful novel, Jean is a powerful prophesied witch who has to escape to New York City relatives when she turns the most popular boy in her small Iowa town into a crazy stalker with a love spell. When Jean's cousin Tory starts thinking that she's the one who's the witch, it spells difficulty, when they have their sights set on the same boy, who really only likes Jean. In the end it's Jean's commitment to not misusing magic that saves her. Personally I'd have rather seen Cabot turn this into a series rather than the too big for it's britches Airhead Science Fiction story.

The Wicked Witch of The West, Elphaba: The Wizard of Oz, Wicked

She struck fear into the hearts of children everywhere for generations, then she was the center of a heady confusing novel, and then she touched the hearts of freaky girls everywhere in her own musical. The shrieks of Margaret Hamilton's green witch are terrifying, right out of play pretends about the mean old neighbor. I've only read Maguire's novel once, but I didn't really get it. Then came Idina Menzel taking on the icon in Wicked. If your heart doesn't break as she sings "I'm Not That Girl" you need to get a new. Thankfully, we're in Oz, which means we could probably find you one.

Hermione Granger: The Harry Potter series

The talent behind the men. Hermione was the one who found the ways for Harry's plans and hijinks to make them legendary. If it weren't for the her and her bizarre ability to memorize thick volumes, (Hogwarts: A History) they never would have found the Sorceror's stone and Voldemort would have come back full force four years before Harry was ready and smacked his ass. Of course then Cedric Diggory might have been spared, but I digress. Hermione's book smarts are absolutely the driving force behind Harry and the success of his adventures.

So those are my witches. Coming before the end of the week, alternate worlds, mythological creatures and of course, werewolves!

Verse

A while ago I did a post where I pit The Twilight Gang against The Buffy Crew...I don't know, today I was looking through the bumper stickers on Facebook and there were so gd many Twilight ones, I couldn't help but make this...

It ended up being too big to submit, but I just feel like people don't even realize what a debt to Whedon the whole Twilight thing owes. ESPECIALLY the Edward/Angel connection...for the love of God they're practically the same character except Angel's way way cooler and totally more badass. And I made this:

This comes almost entirely from a conversation I had with my sister: "He doesn't kill people, he's immortal, and he's sparkly? Does he fly?" "Sort of." "That's not a vampire, that's a fairy!" I just get this feeling that that would be Buffy's reaction to Edward as well.

Maybe this is just my sense of humor, but I think its funny.

It's TWILIGHT DAY!

Today is going to be entirely dedicated to Twilight! YAY!

I haven't seen the movie yet, I'm going this afternoon, I'll have a full review tomorrow, or later today, but right now, I'm going to do a Versus situation, I like doing these, they're fun, and this is a particularly fun one.

Many people know that I was falsely lured into the world of Twilight by friends who assured me that Bella and Edward's romance resembled Buffy and Angel's. Guess what? It doesn't. This lead to the inevitable fangirl/boy question...if Buffy's Scooby Doo gang went against the Cullens and co, who would win?

First some rules: We are discussing before Bella's transformation into a vampire, after the alliance with the wolves, in Twilight time, after Buffy comes back from the dead more powerful, after Faith joins the group and Willow discovers her powers for the Buffy gang? Are we clear? Good.

So let's start with the obvious:

Buffy would first take Bella out, because well, Bella wants to be a vampire and Buffy knows that this is bad. She wouldn't kill her because Buffy doesn't kill people but she'd knock her out and maybe some sense into her. For her trouble, Buffy would then have to take on Jacob and Edward, you know because they love her. Luckily Edward will be otherwise engaged, I'll get to that in a minute. And she's Buffy, she can handle Jacob (I love him, but I mean, she's Buffy!)

Edward and Angel will be having a brood off. They're going to sit and stare into space, contemplating the danger they've put the women they love in. Edward will read Angel's mind and discover that he too mourns over the fact that he has no immortal soul and he has to walk the world forever denying his nature. Then they will bond. And they can brood and brood and be incredibly sexy. It'll be good.

Back to Buffy and Jacob. Yes, he'd be in wolf form and he'd have Seth and Quil and Embry and Leah and all the others backing him up, but Buffy's fought werewolves, and she'd take care of it. I trust in Buffy, she'd beat them.

Faith gets Alice, let's face it, with the whole psychic thing, there needs to be a Slayer on her. Plus she's got Jasper backing her up, so again, there is need for a slayer. I put Faith on them instead of Buffy because, as the Dark Slayer she's more brutal. Unfortunately, I don't think she could beat them, Faith falls.

Cordelia and Rosalie. Cordelia is useless, but she's pretty. Rosalie refuses to kill people and oh right, she and Cordelia are exactly the same, you know, pretty, shallow, largely useless in a fight but really fun for the plot. So yeah, just give them each a mirror, it'll be fun.

Willow vs. Esme? Maybe...I don't know. Willow's such a powerful witch I almost think she could take them all out at once. Or at least debilitate them.

Carlisle and Giles will sit up in Carlisle's library and talk about old books while everyone else fights. Giles will be fascinated by the Volturi. You know he will!

Oh right...

Then Lestat and Louis swoop in and kill everybody. YAY!