For EC's consideration

I'm not quite done tearing New Moon apart just yet. I mean, I pretty much am, but this is something I've been aiming to write for a while, but never got around to.

Movieline posted this little piece about what Edward Cullen could learn from other B-Movie vampires. Me? I'm just talking about those of his kindred, the good vampires. Those who share in his "boo hoo, woe to me who has eternal life," philosophy. That being said, his brothers have some stuff to teach him too. A lot actually.

Bill Compton: True Blood/The Southern Vampire Novels

Lesson for EC: Drinking your beloved's blood is A-OK, so long as she says so.

Bill feeds off of girlfriend Sookie Stackhouse all the time. She's fine and they have a mostly functional relationship. Plus having her blood in his system makes him more attuned to her. He can sense when she's in trouble. For Edward, who sees himself as Bella's protector, that's got to be appealing.

Stefan and Damon Salvatore: The Vampire Diaries

Lesson for EC: As a teenage vampire attending high school, you can socialize and participate in school activities normally. Truly!

Stefan goes to parties, and hangs out with his classmates, he even joined the football team for an episode (then his brother Damon ate the coach, but you know, whatever) He befriends love Elena's buddies, and even makes nice with her ex boyfriend Matt. Even Damon, the evil one, socializes normally in Mystic Falls. He's buddies with the sheriff (he boinked her daughter) and haunts the neighborhood bar. The Cullens could learn a thing or two from the Salvatore brothers, when it comes to interpersonal relations.

Angel: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel

Lesson for EC: You ask before you start climbing in your mortal lady's window, thank you very much.

Granted, like most every vampire but Edward, Angel requires an invitation to enter someone's home, but even once he had unfettered access to Buffy's place, Angel always asked permission to come in. "I'm just trying to be polite." He often explains. Not to mention for all of his skulking and brooding, he never out and out stalks the poor girl. Sure, that time he sat in the sewer and watched her before they met in LA was err, odd, it wasn't a pattern. Get the difference Edward? Angel never stayed up and watched Buffy sleep all night, because really, ew.

Louis: Interview with A Vampire

Lesson for EC: Brooding and guilt will get you nowhere, except lonely talking to a reporter in a hotel room.

Louis became a vampire out of his guilt for the loss of his family. Then he made Claudia into a vampire out of guilt for killing her mother. Then he let Claudia "kill" Lestat out of guilt for turning her into a vampire. Do you get the picture? In the end where did it land him? Alone, in a hotel room telling Christian Slater his life story. Oh and Lestat was TOTALLY stalking him. Quit brooding Eddie not everything bad is your fault.

Lesson from all of them: Lightening up is totally allowed from time to time. Really.

Even Angel and Louis, the broodiest of the broody find time for some fun. Angel likes to listen to Barry Manilow, plus he makes eggs for Cordelia when they solve a case, and Louis goes to the movies. Stefan, as we mentioned plays football, also pool, and he has a best friend named Lexi, who apparently hooked up with Jon Bon Jovi once. Bill unwinds with a nice cold TruBlood at Merlotte's or he plays his Wii, (seriously, apparently vampires love Wii.) How does Edward unwind? He composes melancholy music about Bella or plays chess with Alice. Sorry, not gonna cut it. Even his brothers do better, Jasper and Emmet wrestle with each other in the garage.

SQUEE!!

Things about the past two weeks of True Blood

1. Jason! I'm like so into this Jason stuff, you have no idea. I think he's awesome.

2. Evan Rachel Wood, Evan Rachel Wood, Evan Rachel Wood. Perfect choice to play the Vampire Queen. I just hope she and Anna Paquin don't ever have a scene together, being that Evan Rachel Wood is one of those career stealing actresses, and she totally stole Anna Paquin's.

3. The Maenad story line is tired, glad it's ending in two weeks.

4. Sookie is a super hero? But Anna Paquin already did that. She gave up her super powers so she could have sex with Aaron Ashmore (or was it Shawn? Which one is Iceman? Which one is Jimmy Olsen? I can't keep them straight!)

5. "Jesus and I decided to see other people, but that don't mean we don't talk no more" - Best line ever from Lafayette. EVER!

6. Eric calling Arlene's kids "Teacup Humans" I nearly peed myself.

A Series of Impressions

So, for this week's True Blood, I don't have a coherent review, or summary, just random impressions

1. Jason Stackhouse = BAMF, he was the man in this episode. I hope he continues to be the man. Also, when he hugged Bill it was hilarious.

2. Jessica is a virgin forever! I SO CALLED IT! Also Hoyt is adorable.

3. Blah blah blah, Sookie and Bill blah blah blah

4. Eric is HAWT!!! So is Godric, in that Cullen kinda way.

5. I half expected Marianne to tell Tara and Eggs to "Try the Priest."

6. Poor Jacob...I mean Sam.

Anyway, decode if you can.

Handmaid of the Horned God

I watched this week's True Blood this morning before work...It was a really good episode.

First of all, we found out what Marianne is, sort of. She's come kind of ancient immortal heathen goddess who feeds off of lust and other evil emotions in humans. Or something. Anyway, she killed Daphne, and what she wants to do is cut out Sam's heart and eat it or something? Anyway, that cements the her interest in Tara is just to screw with Sam theory.

Sookie and Hugo were locked in the Fellowship of The Sun basement and it turns out that Hugo is the traitor of the Dallas vamps. Bill and Marie began sorting out their issues and we saw yet another flashback, to their time together, when Marie finally released him from her control as his maker. It was interesting because once again we were given a multifaceted look at a character. Marie seems to truly love Bill, in her way. In the same line, while it seemed in the past that Eric's interest in Sookie was a combination of curiosity and vindictive jealousy, this episode showed that he seems to have some true feeling toward her.

When Hugo revealed Sookie's identity to Steve, it had repricussions for Jason. Mainly that Sarah shot him. We don't know what's going to happen now.

Also, Tara is starting to figure out that there's something not right with Marianne, mostly because Arlene is also starting to freak out, and she now knows it's not all in her head.

Plus Jessica and Hoyt lost their virginities. But doesn't Jessica stay a virgin forever, cuz she was one when she became a vampire? Maybe not. Anyway, I love their subplot, I think it's such an adorable little distraction from the real story. You know, like Jenny and Erik stuff on GG.

And then in the last few shots we saw Godric. He looked extremely Cullen-esque. Kinda a bummer, I wanted to see a big hulking Buffy/Angel style vamp there.

When you came in the air came out...

So, because I'm so behind I'm going to use the next few days to just get caught up on things.

Is anyone else loving this season of True Blood?

I mean, I loved the first season, but this one has been incredible. I love the Jessica side story, I think she's a great character. I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out what Marianne wants with Tara, and best of all, they've managed to hang on the the sexiness of the show, while ditching the almost pornographic elements.

Seriously, before the orgy this week there were no scenes that I would have been embarrassed to watch with my parents.

I still don't watch it with my parents though. You know just in case.

We've managed to make Entourage a family event, but I don't think we could pull this one off. Try though we might.

God F*cking Bless Us...

Last night while watching A Muppet's Christmas Carol Jen and I started coming up with some ideas for our own version of the Charles Dickens Classic.

An HBO Original Christmas Carol

We came up with a few bits, and I came up with some myself. If anyone has any other suggestions feel free!

Obviously there's Scrooge: Tony Soprano is the obvious choice. I mean, the cheating the killing the whole mob boss thing, he's a good fit.

Marley: Larry David...Come on, Larry's whining combined with those clinking chains, terrifying. Also hilarious.

Bob Cratchet: Say it with me folks LLOYD!!!! Ari's poor put upon assistant has the right amount of cheer and lovable subservience to fit into poor Cratchet's icey cold desk. God knows he's good at putting up with the abuse.

Tiny Tim: Eric Murphy. OK, maybe it's just because of all those little man jokes Ari always makes, but think about it. E would be a welcome relief from all of those perky happy Tiny Tims. A sardonic Tiny Tim who's always on his cell phone, it would work.

Belle (Scrooge's Fiancee in the past): Carrie Bradshaw. After her relationship with Scrooge bites the big one she can make some bad pun about how he loved money more than her. Plus you know, he can criticize her about spending all of her money on shoes.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come: Sookie from True Blood. She has visions. It works. Also she reads minds and is in love with a vampire who could kick Edward Cullen's ass. Not that that has anything to do with A Christmas Carol but I just like saying it.

The Ghost of Christmas Present: Turtle. Mostly cuz he's chubby and round and adorable. Not to mention you know, he's Turtle, he's all about living in the moment.

That's all I've got so far, but I'm totally open to suggestions if you've got 'em!