The most bizarre cast on TV

Dancing With The Stars has brought some weird people together in the past.

But the fact that on Monday night we saw Aaron Carter and Tom DeLay both do the Cha Cha, probably takes the cake.

Anyway, the dancing this year is pretty good. Both nights of competition opened with pro numbers, Monday night with the male dancers doing a fabulous jive to "The Boys are Back in Town." It was good to see Derek and Mark show off, and then show off some more. Then Tuesday night opened with the women dancing to "Lady." I have to admit I miss Julianne, but Chelsea and Lacey combined is almost the same. Mostly Lacey, she's really unbelievable.

As for the actual couples...I think it might finally be Kym's year. She's with Donny Osmond, and the Osmonds are unstoppable. Plus they did beautiful things with the fox trot.

On the woman's side, my vote goes to Kelly Osborn and Alec. She was so good. And she made her mother cry.

The most bizarre goes to Tom Delay and Macy Gray. I don't care if he's with Cheryl and being all self depricating, you will never make The Hammer likable enough to win any kind of reality show.

SHARK

Shawn and Mark won DWTS. I'm happy. They were adorable, and Mark was practically crying.

Look how cute they are? It was a good finale, caused me to get behind on My Boys, but I enjoyed it.

Bye Bye DAG

David Alan Grier left DWTS last night. I'm a little bummed, because I really did think that he and Kym would be a good match and they just weren't. It was down to him and LT...here's the thing, I said it it my initial analysis. Lawrence Taylor is SCARY! It's not like Jason Taylor or Emmit Smith, he's not the charismatic big teddy bear football guy. He's frightening. He broke a guy's leg for Christ's sake. I am terrified of this man, and I have been since I was like six. And the judges finally are too, thanks to the Paso Doble.



(Video of LT breaking Theisman's leg. Seriously, I fear for Edyta!)

And did anyone else notice the complete look of adoration Mark has in his eyes when he looks at Shawn...I think he's falling in love with her or something. SHARK all the way. This is the first time I'm actively rooting for another couple when Julianne is still in the competition...I must be growing.

Bye Bye!

Denise Richards got kicked of DWTS...honestly? There's this huge outrage about it, because it came down to her and Holly Madison. They both sucked. But I really think Holly has more potential than Denise because she is willing to let go and have fun with it. Denise seemed at least to be far too intense for this kind of comptition at her level of suckatude. It wasn't all her fault either, that black tutu thingy was horrendous and did nothing for her body, where as Holly was wearing a fringy red bikini that showed off her rockin bod.

I am mad that Steve Wozniak isn't gone though. He got a ten...even Tucker Carlson got a twelve that time.

But Karina's giddy reaction was enough to make up for it. She audibly squealed.

And the idomitable Houghs are still around so I'm good. Can't wait to see the Argentine Tango and The Lindy Hop next week...should be good.

Wow...dancing

Well friends, it's my favorite night of the year...or two nights of the year I guess...Dancing With The Stars premiere night.

Alright...let's start with the odd couples:

L'il Kim and Derek Hough: This is just bizarre. The Houghs are wayyy too wholesome for any of the Bad Boy crew. It was heinously awkward to watch their interviews back to back, but their cha cha was decent. I think Derek is going to have to deal with not making it to the top four this season.

Steve Wozniak and Karina Smirnoff: Poor Karina...I think she's had like two legit partners in the tenure of the show. Maybe Maks made them give her this year's old man. She still did a good job though. Even if she is a skank.

Denise Richards and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: You'd think they work well together, after all she said, "They say Maks is the bad boy, and I do kind of have a thing for bad boys." Oh really? Do you Denise? Wait, you were married to CHARLIE SHEEN right? That's probably the only reason you're even on the radar enough for this bunch of has beens. But she just sucks. I say second or third week, they go. Whatever, it'll give Karina and Maks more time to plan their wedding.

Belinda Carlisle and Jonathan Roberts: Normally Jonathan can partner with anyone, but his and Belinda's waltz was just awkward and hard to watch.

The neutrals:

Holly Madison and Dmitry Chaplin: Holly was a last minute add after Jewel had to drop out. She only had a week, verse everyone else's four. And she did fairly well, given the circumstances. And she is beautiful and very loveable. And we all want to see her outshine Kendra.

Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska: My brother and I once joked that they should change the name of Newark Airport to "Lawrence Taylor's Career Memorial Airport." The Giant fan in my was cheering like crazy. Finally one of ours. I'm also really scared of LT though, and I have been since I was little. He's a scary scary dude. Anyway, they weren't horrible by any means, and they had a lot of expectation following them, after all, I think the people at DWTS must think that the NFL is like the best ballroom dancing school on the planet.

Ty Murray and Chelsea Hightower: They were just fine, if unspectacular. Personally, I don't care about this guy except he's married to Jewel and as a result the woman is happy and no longer writes her poetry. So thanks for that man.

Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke: They were really good, but I don't know that they'll last unless he really steps up his game in the getting to know you portion. Because as hot as he was as Samantha's naked neighbor, that's not enough to get you through this competition bud!

Melissa Rycroft and Tony Davaloni: I love Tony...and she seems really sweet. But again, this was a last minute addition to the cast, so she didn't have a lot of time to learn. I voted for them because they danced to "Moon River." Although I feel like if someone is dancing to "Moon River" they should be wearing a black dress of some kind. She wasn't.

David Alan Grier and Kym Johnson: I really thought that these two would be suited to each other. Just energy wise, but they were lackluster. Carrie Ann was very funny though, "David, if I had known you could dance like that I would have spent a lot more time with you during In Living Color!" Ah, the 90s...Hey, I wonder if Carrie Ann hisses at the TV every time she sees J. Lo...you know like I do when I see Katrina Bowden.

Made for each other and Headed for the Top:

Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough: They're together in real life and I'm just a smidge in love with her. Their waltz was endlessly lovely. And oh right, she's Julianne and she can do no wrong. But really, I think they have potential, because honestly, Julianne is getting to be about as famous as anyone brought in as a star...She's nominated for a CMA after all. So her fan base, plus his, plus people who love adorableness (Anyone who watches this show!) will vote for them.

Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas: Mark + Olympian + Little Blonde Girl + Funny Mark faces = guarantee in the finals. Plus, who doesn't love Shawn Johnson? She's so cute and little and you just want to put her in your pocket when she smiles.

Steve-O and Lacey Schwimmer: Lacey really grew on me last season, and I think she and Steve-O are a perfect pair. I had no doubt that he would be good because he's a really physical guy, not to mention willing to do anything. And Lacey's carefree reinvent the wheel approach suits him. And Johnny Knoxville and Wee Man looked so proud of him.

So my finals prediction: Steve-O and Lacey, Shawn and Mark, Julianne and Chuck or Kym and David if they step up their game!
My win prediction...I don't know, I just have this feeling...

My Top 10 TV Moments of the Year: 2008

OK, so tis the season for Top 10 lists, and now I'm doing my first one ever. These are not necessarily the best, just my favorites, so here we go:

10. Perfection, always - Dancing With The Stars: Kristi Yamagucci's Win

Yes, I'm starting my list with my top guilty pleasure, that I don't really feel that guilty about. DWTS has had some kick ass champions in the past. Drew Lachey, Emmit Smith, Apollo Anton Ohno, but no one ever dominated like Kristi and Mark did. They got a 28 on the first week out, achieved a 30 earlier than anyone in the competition ever (For an amazing jive that would have and did made the Hough siblings jealous.) Of course they didn't have the stiffest competition. Jason Taylor was closest, and he couldn't touch them. Christian De La Fuente was good and loveable but again, Kristi and Mark just dominated. They had a perfect 30, 30, 30 and the fans behind them. It was nice to see a woman win for once...of course it repeated with Brooke Burke, and I keep meaning to check out the new cast, or see if its posted, but I seriously doubt anyone will ever beat Kristi's pure domination, it just won't happen.

9. "I can see Russia from my house" - Saturday Night Live: The Vice Presidential Debate.

I would be the world's worst TV writer if I overlooked the best political impression SNL's had since Will Ferrell's W. And no, I'm not talking about Tina Fey's Sarah Palin (Although it is amazing) I mean Jason Sedakis's Joe Biden. He even got the crazy eyes. And his declaration about the great city of Scranton, that "No one but me has ever come out of that hell hole!" had me laughing harder than I've ever laughed. And it would be just plain pop culture ignorant to overlook the fantastic impression of Governor Palin that Ms. Fey did. I'm still quoting it, "I'm going to ignore that question and talk about Israel...I'm not saying this to pander to Florida voters, since I was a little girl my two biggest loves were Israel and Cuban food!" It might have been the funniest speech ever done on SNL. I'm grateful for SNL's resurgence and Tina Fey's acceptance by the mainstream, it's been about seven years since I decided I wanted to be her. As my friend Katie put it, "It's a little strange. Everything that Tina Fey has accomplished, the first female head writer of SNL, the Mean Girls screenplay, all those Emmys for 30 Rock, what she gets mainstream recognition for is looking like some other lady."

8. "I want to call my mom!" - Entourage: Tree Trippers

This might be my new favorite episode of Entourage, replacing "One Day in The Valley," or "The Sundance Kids," which were always battling for first in the past. Anytime you take the boys out of LA or their natural habitat is always interesting. This episode, where they decide to take shrooms to make Vince's next career decision is a tour de force of their bonding pattern. Ari runs off on his own and spends the episode on the phone with Lloyd, trying to find his way back to the boys. Arnold, the boys lovable pitbull runs away from the group and the other four search after him. E loses the ability to speak, and Turtle realizes his own uselessness, and begins to beg for his mother. My favorite element of this whole season was the switch of focus from Drama to Turtle. I've always found Turtle endearing and wonderfully sweet and I was happy to see more of his stories told. And happy to see him made romantically fulfilled with Jamie Lynn Sigler.

7. "Same Sideburns, Same Commitment Issues." - 90210: The Bubble

I don't think anyone who's read this blog since September can possibly argue how excited I was when we found out the Dylan was the father of Kelly's son on 90210. Granted I was hoping for Brandon, but it really was an exciting little bit of taste of future plot lines. First of all, I'm still praying for Terminator's cancellation, so that we can get some David in, but honestly, the door is open for Dylan now, come on in Luke. We know you want to. Granted, it was after this that we got that positively classic 90210 moment, Brenda deletes Dylan from her cell phone, to save her friendship with Kelly...*sob* Dylan McKay, Brenda Walsh, soul mates no longer. OK, maybe they were never soul mates, I guess it was established in that episode where Dylan saw his past life and he and Kelly were married in the wild west and Brandon was like the sheriff or something that he and Kelly were soul mates. Whatever, those episodes right before Dylan left were pretty god awful. Let's hope when they bring him back stronger than they did when he came back for the last season of the original, personally I'm thinking Dylan and Brandon smackdown. Then Steve can say something obnoxious. It'll be great.

6. "I have stretch marks, I have a butt, that's who I am!" - America's Next Top Model: Cycle 10 Finale

God Bless Tyra Banks and all she's doing for women in America...that was sarcasm. But for real, Whitney, the first ever plus size model to with ANTM was a cool choice. Granted, Paulina Poriscova clearly hated her, and maybe she was a little more pageant queen than model (My sister would kill me if I didn't disclaim that), but seeing a girl with actual curves, who's an admitted size 14 win this competition which is normally dominated by stick figures and anorexic ghetto girls was really cool.

5. "Her parents have a pool." How I Met Your Mother - Sandcastles in the Sand

This episode is one of the best examples of what makes How I Met Your Mother great. Combining the oddball out there humor, and real friendship heart. Sandcastles in The Sand brings back Robin Scherbotsky's early nineties teenage alter-ego "Robin Sparkles" the Canadian pop sensation who created the hit "Let's go to the mall." "Sandcastles in The Sand" is Robin's other single, which never made the charts. It did however introduce her to Simon, a loser who she dated for the 2 1/2 weeks of Canadian summer. These things aren't what made the episode great, it was three things, 1. Simon was played by James Vanderbeek, who on his return to Robin's life had a receeding hairline and a beer gut. I always appreciate the Creek kids trying to get back in the game. 2. I forget what it was that got Barney upset, but in the end Robin ended up comforting him, which established my new favorite hopeless couple to root for, Barney and Robin. and 3. The actual "Sandcastles in The Sand" video and song which were both as awful as you would think they would be.

4. "I would eat Tangerine Chicken but I don't have Tangerine Chicken" - The Big Bang Theory: The Tangerine Factor

Just like Sandcastles is the best of How I Met Your Mother, the season finale of Big Bang was the perfect storm of this hilarious one note joke show. Adorably awkward Leonard finally made his move on sweet and sexy Penny. In the second season we learned that this didn't work. But it was nice anyway. The B plot line was Sheldon trying to get to the bottom of a mystery, was the chicken at their favorite chinese place tangerine chicken or orange chicken. Oh right and Wollowitz was being pervy looking for Penny's ex boyfriend's blog which detailed their sex life. Largely, brilliant.

3. "It's Not What I'd Have Done." - Heroes: Dual (Much thanks to my brother for helping me pick!)

Peter Petrelli has his powers back. Thank God for it! I'm not among the people who think that this season of Heroes has been horrible so far. I think it's a hell of a lot better than last season. But the pivotal, "We're Baaack," moment for me came when Peter injected himself with the newly perfected formula and got his powers back and flew himself and his brother Nathan out of a burning building. Nathan's response was that it wasn't what he would have done, and at last the Nathan/Peter dynamic was restored to what it always should have been. Nathan is a dick and Peter saves him anyway. Oh right, and we saw how Peter got his scar. Which is kick ass. Between that, Claire forgiving her dad and walking away from the "Petrelli lifestyle" and "killing" Sylar, she's well on her way to fulfilling her destiny, you know becoming a brunette. I can't wait to see what happens next which is part of the redemption. Heroes is on it's way back to what we loved, I promise it is. Oh right, and Milo with the scar...totes hotter than Milo without the scar. Meow!

2. Meeting Half Way - Weight Loss: The Office

The moment Office fans all waited for. Jim proposing to Pam in the most Jim and Pam way possible. They met at a gas station half way between Scranton and New York (For your information, no such place exists.) and he got on one knee in the rain. It was the squeal heard round the world. Jim and Pam's relationship is so wonderful, and sweet and pure, it's nice to see it come to this step. We'll see what happens after the holidays, but I think things will keep being good, don't you?

1. "This is me! And I love you!" - Gossip Girl: Oh Brother, where Bart Thou

Nothing, and I mean nothing captivated me this year like the Gossip Girl fall finale. Chuck's breakdown, the revelation of Lilly and Rufus's baby...and most importantly, as usual, my favorite part of anything Gossip Girl, Blair showing her humanity. Her sobbing begging confession of her feelings to Chuck and his subsequent rejection and then acceptance and then his running away...it's like everything amazing about the Blair and Chuck romance all wrapped up into one angsty perfect hour. I can barely contain my excitement for the coming return...it's only two weeks away, thank God!

So there you have it. Yes 2008 was hard. The economy collapsed, my presidential candidate lost, but there were good things too. Like Turtle finally got a girlfriend, The Heroes began to fulfill their destiny, a fat girl finally won ANTM, Barney and Robin hooked up and Blair and Chuck confessed their love. Perhaps that makes up for it. Maybe.

CODE WORDS

Well, it's official, this season's DWTS hookup: Cody Linely and Julianne Hough.

They've been kicked off in semis, which makes me very sad, because I didn't get my Hough v. Hough finale, but whatever...in their little "walk down memory lane" clip montage the voice over read:

"In Julianne I haven't just gotten a dance partner, I've gotten a new friend for life."

DING DING DING! We have a winner. Shannen Elizabeth and Derek Hough..."friends for life," (Totes a couple, not anymore as far as I know, but there was hooking up.) Mario Lopez and Katirina Smirnoff..."friends for life" (THEY WERE ENGAGED!) Mario(R and B Singer) and Katirina..."friends for life" (Fucked) Apollo Anton Ono and Julianne Hough..."friends for life."

I think you get the point.

DWTS/2

As usual, after the halfway point of Dancing With The Stars, I present my halfway analysis.

First, I definitely want to see a Hough vs Hough final...also Warren and Kym. Football players always do well, (Read, Emmit Smith, Jason Taylor) and I really love how good Warren Sapp is. As for Julianne and Derek, seriously, they should have been going head on in the finale that was Julianne's second win (JENNIE GARTH WAS ROBBED! Screw you Marie Osmond. Yes, I am still angry about a dismissal from Dancing With The Stars almost a year ago. You wanna mess?) Anyway, Brooke and Derek are unbelievably unstoppable, like Kristi and Mark last season, Apollo and Julianne two years ago kind of unstoppable, but if anyone's going to stop them it's that adorable Cody and Julianne...seriously, he's so so so so so cute. He's also 18...I'm 21, almost, I feel very cougary, as does Julianne, what with her being a whole 2 years older than him, haha. Anyway, this week, when they went head on in the jitterbug...AWESOME. And also so so so so so cute. Also, Cloris Leachman is funny and I love Young Frankenstein, but seriously, Grandma's gotta go, so does Maurice Greene, and Susan Lucci...and that leaves, oh um, Cody, Brooke, Warren and Lance. Oh Lance...

Here's the thing. Joey Fatone was soooo good. Like unbelievably good, like if he'd been up against anyone but Apollo and Julianne he would have won big time, but Lance...mmm, not so much with the good. And I figured out why. He was partnered all wrong. I mean, Lacey, she's cute, I guess, but they don't seem to vibe well. Someone with a hip hop dance background doesn't need a partner who's all about thinking outside the box. They need someone like, um, well Kym or Cheryl. Mostly because Kym and Cheryl are extremely traditional, but still fun. So I've concluded that it's so not Lance's fault that he sucks.

Anyway, here's how I see it going down: Final Four, as I just described...then Lance goes...Bye bye Lance! Finale show, Houghs and Kym. Cody lucked out because he did start slow, but being with Julianne, who has a built in fan base as well as being a part of Mileyworld gives him some extra juice. Seriously, as untouchable as the teen queens of our glory days were (Britney and Christina ruled the world, not to mention Mandy and Jessica) they had nothing on Miley. I'm actually afraid that someday I'm going to get a phone call that says, "Oh, by the way Miley Cyrus now owns you." I won't even be that surprised, actually I'll ask if now I can meet Dolly Parton.

Also Brooke Shields.

But back to the topic at hand. Like I've said before, I really want to see what Derek could do with a freestyle. He's such a remarkably creative choreographer, and with no limits, well, I think it will be amazing!

Also, I figured out why I love this show so much. Earlier this year my mom teased me and called me "A middle aged gay man." (She was teasing me for loving Cole Porter as much as I do.) So it's the middle aged gay man who loves this show so much. Think about it, old school celebrities, lots of sequins, muscley guys dancing around with their chests showing. I'm not usually into stereotypes, but I mean come on.

How'd I miss this?

OK, so I don't know how in the hell I missed out on Smallville for all these years? I mean, I was resistant to it, I thought it was kind of a stupid concept, and my feelings on Superman (Ehhh, not as good as Batman, yes Jen, I KNOW you like Superman better) and my hesitancy to accept the legitimacy of The WB probably had something to do with it. But this weekend I watched season 1 and some of season 2 Surfthechannel.com (my new favorite thing ever) and I can't believe I was never into this before. I mean, for the love of God, it combines superheroes and teen dramas the two cornerstones of my nerdness.

Long story short I plan to catch up as fast as possible and at the very least indulge in season 8 once I'm there.

Because you know, I need another show to be addicted to. Clearly.

And on that note, shall we discuss this season's DWTS?

Lance Bass has been a raging disappointment, although him dancing the Paso to "I kissed a girl" was hilarious. You know because he's a homo.

I love Cody Linely and he and Julianne are just plain adorable together, all sweet and fresh and blonde. Their rumba was one of the first non boring non creepy ones I've seen on the show.

Toni Braxton and Brooke Burke are also great, Kim Kardashian was awful, but she and Mark looked hot together, it's a shame she's gone.

So yeah, that's that.