Pop Goes the Prom

Tonight is the most epic night in the history of nights.

That's right, it's Glee's Prom Night episode. I try not to read spoilers, because I love to be surprised but I do know a few things.

Quinn is going to smack Rachel in her pouty little face.

and

JESSE ST JAMES is going to be back.

I won't even get into how much I love Jonathan Groff, (described by my sister Mary as "The Straightest Gay Man Alive") because this post isn't about how Groff has been playing dreamy broody teen boys for almost a decade now while living happily out of the closet, it's about the best proms in the history of pop culture (of which this will surely be one.)

10. Sunnydale Senior Prom, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Why it ranks:
Because of the hellhounds that were unleashed, causing panic. Because it began the Anya/Xander relationship. Because Wesley kissed Cordelia and it was awful, but hilarious. Because Angel came, danced with Buffy and gave her the "one normal high school moment" she had been craving. Because the (at this point) adorable Jonathan presented Buffy with the "class protector" superlative. And it was awesome!

How Glee can beat it:
It can't...move on.

9. The Anti-Prom: Dawson's Creek


Why it ranks:
Because it was the height of Dawson's self righteous, "I'm the nice guy so Joey should love me" phase. Because Jack learned what a douche that guy he was dating was. Because it allowed for "Leary's Fresh Fish" to be shoehorned into the plot ONE LAST TIME before season 3 ended. Because Jen took Henry and they were adorable. Because it was the moment when Joey realized she loved Pacey. Because it finally removed the random and useless Nelly from any and all plot lines in the future.

How Glee can beat it:
Burt Hummel, who makes Mitch Leary look like a father who neglects his kid except when he hits him, so John Whitter, makes sure that Kurt can bring Blaine, thus allowing Brittney to bring Santana, or Brittney and Artie get back together.

8. Manny and Paige Showdown: Degrassi: The Next Generation



Why it ranks:
Because Paige and Manny showed up in the same dress and Paige arranged to have her win prom queen only to humiliate her. Because it was the first time Jimmy was back at Degrassi since he was shot. Because JT and Liberty were still a couple. Because I'm pretty sure Emma still had gonorrhea of the throat. Because Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes were there for no explicable reason (except that they were filming a movie at Degrassi.) Because Downtown Sasquatch played.

How Glee can beat it:
Downtown Sasquatch plays. Except that I think if Jonathan Groff and Jake Epstein are on film together it will rip a hole in the space time continuum, also Aubrey Graham is a little busy. But a kick ass surprise celebrity guest star wouldn't go amiss.

7. "You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you": Pretty in Pink


Why it ranks:
Because it's the only time John Hughes took on the prom, which means it must be the most epic prom of all time. Because after it all, Andie and Blane kiss in the rain by his car. Because Duckie wears a bolo tie.

How Glee can beat it:
Kiss in the rain. Anyone can kiss in the rain.

6. Two proms, one crazier than the last: One Tree Hill



Why it ranks:
Because at one of them, Peyton didn't show because Psycho Derek tied her up in her basement and tortured her with autotuned versions of her own podcasts. Because at the first one, Peyton had painted "whore" on Brooke's dress prompting Brooke to go rescue her from Psycho Derek. Because the second one was in the town that one the "best OTH fans contest." Because at the second one the whole cast dressed up in 70s clothes. Because at the second one Chris Keller was there. Because Haley was pregnant at both proms and no one blinked.

How Glee can beat it:
Terry kidnaps and tortures Emma by throwing dirt on her, and Will saves her. New Directions gets hired to sing at the Dalton prom, thus creating an epic "second prom" scenario for Glee, which I have already discussed is the same show as OTH.

5. "I just wanted her to have the perfect night": Gossip Girl

Why it ranks:
Because Serena and Dan went "as friends" which is always hilarious. Because Nate and Blair broke up amicably, in the first and only case of lower drama making for a better episode in GG history. Because the B storyline was a failed pilot for a spin off about Lily in the 80s. Because Blair was elected prom queen. Because it turned out the whole night was an elaborate manipulation of Chuck's to make sure that Blair had the perfect prom night. (And I cried and cried)

How Glee can beat it:
Rachel does the same for Finn. Or Finn arranged for Jesse to come to bring Rachel so she can have the perfect prom night.

4. "Dad, I'm going to the prom!" "Very funny sweetie!": 10 Things I Hate About You
Why it ranks:
Because Save Ferris and Letters to Cleo performed. Because Bianca punched Joey in the face. Because even though Kat and Patrick get into that fight you know he feels really bad about it. Because Bianca's prom dress is the most epically 90s prom dress ever. (Bright pink satin and her midrift is bared)

How Glee can beat it:
I think they might, because it looks like Quinn is going to punch Rachel in the face. Good for you Glee!

3. Donna Throws up in the bathroom and gets suspended: Beverly Hills 90210

Why it ranks:
Really? I need to lay this one out? OK, um, Because Donna got drunk, threw up in the bathroom, and got suspended. This paved the way for the epic "Donna Martin Graduates!" storyline. And some half assed message about underage drinking.

How Glee can beat it:
Much like Buffy, this one is just too epic and iconic. Nothing Glee does will touch it.

2. "Is that all I am to you Zach? Am I a bet? Am I a F*@#KING bet?": She's All That


Why it ranks:
Because half the student body knew a choreographed dance number. Because rather than bring another girl than the one he loved, Freddie Prinze Jr. brought his little sister (Anna Paquin). Because Paul Walker brings Rachel Leigh Cook to screw with Freddie Prinze Jr. (That is the most 90s sentence ever written.) Because the "cool hot girl" who was no where near as hot as Rachel Leigh Cook wore the second most 90s prom dress ever. Because Usher DJ'd the party.

How Glee can beat it:
Usher.

1. "Is this a party or what? LET'S DANCE!" - Footloose

Why it ranks:



Because of that.

How Glee can beat it:
Finn sings "Footloose." Also maybe Kevin Bacon shows up? I don't know. It's a thought.

So there you have it folks.