And I called it!

Donny Osmond was crowned the winner on Dancing with The Stars last night.

It's not really a shock to me.

The Osmonds are all powerful.

I'm actually pretty happy. While I'm not hugely into them, ther can really be no objection to the Osmond squeaky clean form of entertainment. Someone like Donny Osmond suits DWTS very well. And I love Kym, and I'm glad she finally got a win.

Next season I'm pulling for Edyta, since Julianne still isn't coming back.

For EC's consideration

I'm not quite done tearing New Moon apart just yet. I mean, I pretty much am, but this is something I've been aiming to write for a while, but never got around to.

Movieline posted this little piece about what Edward Cullen could learn from other B-Movie vampires. Me? I'm just talking about those of his kindred, the good vampires. Those who share in his "boo hoo, woe to me who has eternal life," philosophy. That being said, his brothers have some stuff to teach him too. A lot actually.

Bill Compton: True Blood/The Southern Vampire Novels

Lesson for EC: Drinking your beloved's blood is A-OK, so long as she says so.

Bill feeds off of girlfriend Sookie Stackhouse all the time. She's fine and they have a mostly functional relationship. Plus having her blood in his system makes him more attuned to her. He can sense when she's in trouble. For Edward, who sees himself as Bella's protector, that's got to be appealing.

Stefan and Damon Salvatore: The Vampire Diaries

Lesson for EC: As a teenage vampire attending high school, you can socialize and participate in school activities normally. Truly!

Stefan goes to parties, and hangs out with his classmates, he even joined the football team for an episode (then his brother Damon ate the coach, but you know, whatever) He befriends love Elena's buddies, and even makes nice with her ex boyfriend Matt. Even Damon, the evil one, socializes normally in Mystic Falls. He's buddies with the sheriff (he boinked her daughter) and haunts the neighborhood bar. The Cullens could learn a thing or two from the Salvatore brothers, when it comes to interpersonal relations.

Angel: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel

Lesson for EC: You ask before you start climbing in your mortal lady's window, thank you very much.

Granted, like most every vampire but Edward, Angel requires an invitation to enter someone's home, but even once he had unfettered access to Buffy's place, Angel always asked permission to come in. "I'm just trying to be polite." He often explains. Not to mention for all of his skulking and brooding, he never out and out stalks the poor girl. Sure, that time he sat in the sewer and watched her before they met in LA was err, odd, it wasn't a pattern. Get the difference Edward? Angel never stayed up and watched Buffy sleep all night, because really, ew.

Louis: Interview with A Vampire

Lesson for EC: Brooding and guilt will get you nowhere, except lonely talking to a reporter in a hotel room.

Louis became a vampire out of his guilt for the loss of his family. Then he made Claudia into a vampire out of guilt for killing her mother. Then he let Claudia "kill" Lestat out of guilt for turning her into a vampire. Do you get the picture? In the end where did it land him? Alone, in a hotel room telling Christian Slater his life story. Oh and Lestat was TOTALLY stalking him. Quit brooding Eddie not everything bad is your fault.

Lesson from all of them: Lightening up is totally allowed from time to time. Really.

Even Angel and Louis, the broodiest of the broody find time for some fun. Angel likes to listen to Barry Manilow, plus he makes eggs for Cordelia when they solve a case, and Louis goes to the movies. Stefan, as we mentioned plays football, also pool, and he has a best friend named Lexi, who apparently hooked up with Jon Bon Jovi once. Bill unwinds with a nice cold TruBlood at Merlotte's or he plays his Wii, (seriously, apparently vampires love Wii.) How does Edward unwind? He composes melancholy music about Bella or plays chess with Alice. Sorry, not gonna cut it. Even his brothers do better, Jasper and Emmet wrestle with each other in the garage.

Two Households, Alike in Dignity

I got back from seeing New Moon at around midnight. I immediately sat down to blog about it and found myself unable to string together any sentence more coherent than, "It was awesome!" Now that I've had a night to sleep on it, I'll try to do more than that.

First of all, I have to say it is a huge step up from the first film, it's funny, fairly well paced and well shot. The performances are stronger, particularly Kristin Stewart's. I was right in what I said about a year ago, Weitz's experience with teen sex comedies definitely made for some of the best scenes. The awkward trip to the movies where Bella finds she's on a date with Jacob and Mike at the same time, both unintentionally reads better and funnier than anything in Twilight. The decision to have the narration this time around be a result of emails that Bella is sending to Alice (always bounced back, but she uses them as a kind of journal) was brilliant and more engaging than just being in Bella's head.

I was impressed by the performances this time around. While I still find myself struggling with the Robert Pattinson/Ed Westwick method of hiding the English accent (I'm going to whisper whenever I start to slip!) Over all Pattinson's performance was more relaxed in this one than in the first. He seemed more at ease. Maybe it was just his lack of screen time that did it.

Like I said, Kristin Stewart really stepped up her game. She looks hollow and ghostlike during her depression, she is immediately at ease when she starts spending time with Jacob, and she's actually angry from time to time, even engaging. I have to admit I had my doubts about her being able to do anything but the awkwardness she played one note in the first film but she pulled it off. The "voting" scene, where Bella asks the Cullens their opinion on her becoming a vampire, she's downright assertive, a side of Bella that I didn't think she got across in Twilight, and one of my favorite aspects of the character. Once again, I no longer despair Breaking Dawn, I mean, I do, because I don't love it as much as the others, but I know that she'll be able to pull off Bella's changes. I wasn't sure before.

Taylor Lautner was unbelievable. As has been said by the cast in several interviews, he takes this movie and runs with it. From the moment he walked on screen he commands every scene. For one thing he comes on the scene much earlier, showing up at Forks High to give Bella a birthday present. When he hugs her and shoots Edward a dirty look over her shoulder, like a child playing with another kids toy without permission, it's wonderful. When Bella starts hanging out with him, he's giddy about it, just wanting to be with the girl who he's clearly been crushing on since childhood. The negotiations of their relative "ages" is one of my favorite parts of the book series and it's done beautifully here. The first time Bella sees Jacob after his transformation is heartbreaking. You see him fighting with everything he has to keep himself under control. The chemistry between Lautner and Stewart is wonderful, way better than the chemistry between Stewart and Pattinson.

OK, on to my favorite part, of both Twilight, and now New Moon. The smaller roles, and how good they were.

Billy Burke again steals all his scenes as Charlie Swann. He balances quiet intensity and goofy young dad-ness perfectly. When Bella disappears and Sam finds her the tenderness when he takes her from him is amazing.

Big points once again go to Anna Kendrick and Michael Welch, who execute Mike and Jessica with humor and heart. Kendrick is about to burst into her own with Up in The Air but her performance here is once again scene stealing, as she and Bella walk out of a movie theater together and she rambles about "What's wrong with consumerism? I like shopping!" I couldn't help laughing very very hard, not quite as hard as I do at this but still:

Anyway, she was great. Welch was also great, particularly in the movie scene that I described earlier.

The Wolf Pack was great, if underused. I understand people are there for the love triangle, but the depth of the minor characters is what I think takes the saga above what it should be. And I was also annoyed because The Volturi and the Cullens get that depth and the wolves don't.

Which brings us to the Volturi. The scenes in Volterra were captivating, Dakota Fanning was terrfying and Michael Sheen did an excellent impression of Tom Cruise in Interview With A Vampire. The scene was amazing, particularly a special effect when Felix cracked Edwards head against the marble floor. I can't even begin to explain it.

The final confrontation between Bella, Jacob and Edward was cutting. And ending it exactly as Edward proposed rather than showing the argument between the pair was a brilliant way to bring excitement from Eclipse. Which is coming June 20. Seven months. There was already a teaser poster in the lobby of the theater. I'm excited, to say the least.

So overall, though it has it's problems, New Moon is a better put together and cleaner film than Twilight. The action got stepped up and I have high hopes for Eclipse, it's my favorite book in the series, so I'm prepped for disappointment.

Howl at the Moon

So here's the big one for the week! Werewolves haven't ever gotten the glamorous treatment that vampires have in pop culture. They are distinctly less sexy. But they're often times a whole lot more fun. Face it, while vampires have cornered the market on brooding and sexy and all of that, werewolves are more savage, they are literally the animal within. So let's explore that shall we?

Scott Howard: Teen Wolf/Todd Howard: Teen Wolf Too

Played by Michael J. Fox and Jason Bateman respectively, these wolves, like many get their wolfiness from a genetic quirk. While Fox got the better movie, both take into account the hilarity that can come from a teenage boy sprouting lots of body hair, and like a couple of the witches here, it's all just a metaphor for puberty. Plus watching Michael J Fox Dunk is effing hilarious.

Tommy Dawkins: Big Wolf On Campus

Just like Fox and Bateman Tommy found wolfdom more fun than anything. Plus he used it to become a super hero. Or maybe not. I really don't remember details about this show. But I thought it was awesome when I was ten. I do remember one time he time traveled and then ended up back in our time, but because he interfered with something in the 80s The Communists took over. So, he interfered with the past and changed the future, also like Michael J. Fox. Oh, also, Rachel LaFevre was on season 1, and now she plays Victoria in Twilight. So there's that.

Remus Lupin: Harry Potter

Lupin was my favorite character. He was awesome. He was by far the best defense against the dark arts teacher. Probably because you know, he was his subject. I'm still not over the fact that he died. Not at all. Seriosuly. The first time I read Deathly Hallows I cried for like a half an hour. Not joking. Anyway, one of the only traditional werewolves in recent memory, Lupin changes at the full moon, and only at the full moon, also if he doesn't drink his potion he goes crazy and tries to eat Hermione.

Daniel "Oz" Osbourne: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Oz became a werewolf when his little cousin bit his finger. To keep himself and the other Scooby gang members safe he locked himself in the rare book cage in the Sunnydale High library. He started out as a traditional werewolf, but after time focused the powers and could become a wolf at any time. Plus he was in a band.

And finally, you knew it was coming:

Jacob Black: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn

A result of the strange genetic quirk in the Quilieute people, brought about to protect the tribe from vampires, Jacob is a shapeshifting werewolf with lots of angst to go along with it. Granted the angst is less about his wolf state and more about how Bella doesn't love him, but still. Jacob eventually leaves the Quilieute pack behind in Breaking Dawn, because he disagrees with leader Sam Uley's decision that the pack will kill Bella and her unborn half vampire baby, who as it turns out is Jacob's soul mate. (I don't really care for Breaking Dawn. I think it's kind of a stretch) After imprinting on Rennesme, the Cullens accept him as one of their own. (Except Rosalie, because you know, bitch!) and he even forms his own little mini pack with Seth and Leah Clearwater. So that's pretty cool.

Why I miss HS sometimes...OK a lot of time

Today on twitter I had some really fun exchanges with my high school friends about New Moon. Well, not so much New Moon as Taylor's hotness, and the fact that we are WAYYY creepy for being this sprung over a 17 year old boy. Do guys feel this creepy when they're all into teenage girl stars?

Anyway it began like this:

Me: Just watched Taylor Lautner interview on Jay Leno. I'm going be watching New Moon entirely with my hand over my mouth.

Me: Please Note, this is to prevent squealing and hysterics, not vomiting. Although maybe some vomiting.

Responses:

Katie: I will squeal & get hysterical... and then realize his age ends in 'teen'...and THEN I will vomit.

Ali: Personally I thought he was way hotter with the long hair.

Me: Yeah, but he didn't have his shirt off with the long hair. It's a trade off. In Eclipse we get both if they stick to the book.

Ali: And he'll be legal by then. This could be an all around win! #wearecreeps

We used to have conversations like this all the time. Ah youth!

And just for posterity. Shirtless Taylor Lautner!

So close!

So, last night on Gossip Girl Nate and Serena almost got together, and then she hooked up with his married cousin instead.

Serena is a big big whore.

And the Gossip Girl writers are cruel to me.

In other news, the NYU kids did a quasi-ironic cabaret musical of Snow White set to the music of Lady Ga-Ga. Which is the single most realistic thing Gossip Girl has ever done!

Plus now Dan is in love with Vanessa and she's crushing on a gay guy. (We don't know that he's gay, but I think it's a safe bet)

I'm sad to see Hilary go, because I love her, but I was sick of Olivia.

Jenny's new drug dealer boyfriend is going to be amazing, especially once Erik gets a hold of it. But I am not a fan of this new Jenny/Chuck dynamic, because I am very afraid of where they'll take them. Blair and Chuck need to stay together so that there can be a fabulous series finale Blair/Chuck wedding.

Through the Wardrobe, Looking Glass, In The East

As part two of my exploration into the world of the supernatural comes in alternate worlds. To be specific, I'm not talking about alternate universes here. That's Sci-Fi, and they need their own series of in depth posts. Hell, just the ones in the DC comics universe alone would need like three! These are mystical worlds that work and operate next to or instead of ours. Usually there's magic involved.

Narnia: The Chronicles of Narnia

The granddaddy of all of magical worlds is C.S. Lewis's world through the wardrobe. Narnia is a place where animals talk and children rule (literally, the greatest rulers of the realm are the Pevensie kids, Peter, the oldest is twelve.) Take with it a healthy dose of Biblical allegory, and you've got a recipe for the kind of place that every kid wants to be and that's good for them. It's like apple juice. Little kids love the stuff, and it gives them nutrients. Plus in Narnia, Jesus is a lion and Moses is a horse! Which is so much cooler than a carpenter and a dude with a beard. And the seven deadly sins are represented by seven islands. (Dawn Treader is my favorite book in the series.) I can't write fully on most of the theology, since when I read the books I went to a public school where Jesus was a four letter word, not because you're taking the Lord's name in vain but because you might offend one of the four non Christian students in your class, and we didn't go into those elements of them, but Jen, I'm counting on you here to fill in the blanks!

Middle Earth: The Hobbit, The Lord of The Rings

Meant more to be a stand in as a magical version of our Middle Ages, making it more of an alternate world than a magical realm, it nonetheless makes the list. JRR Tolkien's world is rich with history and it's own cultures. Magic here is a lot like Narnian magic, it's not a thing possessed by some, it's a force of it's own, that certain people (elves, wizards, to a degree dwarves) can harness. Plus dragons. There are dragons, or one dragon.

The Wizarding World: Harry Potter

What's interesting about JK Rowling's alternate world is that unlike others it exists in the same space as ours and we just can't see it, or as characters often say, "Muggles don't look properly." It's a brilliant way to ground Harry Potter in reality. And luckily for us, Universal Studios is providing us the chance to go to these places. No really. See?

Wonderland: Through The Looking Glass, Alice in Wonderland

Lewis Carroll's creation of Wonderland wins for trippiest alternate world. Although the original book wasn't the result of an acid trip, although I think there was Opium involved, most of the subsequent adaptations were made with hallucinogens. Wonderland, like Narnia is meant to teach lessons, mostly about being yourself, but not disobeying authority, except when the authority is stupid. Or something. You know what? Just look at the pretty flowers.

Avalon: Every adaptation of Camelot ever, except Jerry Bruckheimer's King Arthur, which sucks really badly anyway, so who cares?

Avalon, like The Wizarding World, is unique in that it exists physically in our world, and it's shrouded in mystery. In some versions, Avalon is merely an island, in others it is a place beyond our world where The Once and Future King, Arthur, goes to wait until it is time for him to return. (Confused? Yeah, there are academics who dedicate their whole careers to trying to figure out this mess.) It's certainly the residence of The Lady of The Lake. Who's magic. We think. Unless you follow Meg Cabot's interpretation. Then she's a teenage track star who likes to hang out in her pool and has a thing for quarter backs.

So there you have it. I realized after I wrote the entry that all of my examples are literary, but I think it's because these places are easier to create in books than on film. Even the film adaptations of these books have trouble translating them. Metaphor doesn't always work visually.